Man on cell: I have to go to Bangkok — I’m getting a plane out tomorrow. Wait, what day is it today? I’m going Tuesday.
Couple nearby: It’s the 19th, a Tuesday.
Man on cell: Is it? I have no sense of time anymore without my computer. Everything is on my computer. Well, I guess I’m leaving Thursday then.
–M1 bus
Overheard by: Coulda sworn it was Monday.
Tourist mom: Oh my god! Hey, look, it’s an advertisement we know!
Tourist children chanting in unison: Tar-get! Tar-get! Tar-get! Tar-get!
–Times Square
Son : We’re gonna get robbed and raped down here, we should have taken the bus.
Father: You only say stupid things.
Mother: Just hit him.
Son: Let’s get off at the next stop and take the bus.
Mother: Put your iPod away before those black guys try to rob you.
–Subway, near Battery Park
Overheard by: Mike Hunt
Conductor: There are seats towards the back of the train.
Keep walking! Sometime today, people. What did you stop for? Keeeep walking!
–Train to Grand Central
Overheard by: Muffin
Conductor: Where’s the other guy? Raj, if you can hear me, you can come pick up your My Little Pony from the booth.
–LIRR, Hempstead station
Subway station announcement: Because of an earlier incident, all trains are now running.
–Union Square Station
Overheard by: E Moran
Conductor: This is 36th Street. Step to the side and let all the monkeys off the train. Let the monkeys off the train.
–Queens bound N train
Conductor: Ladies and Gentlemen, this is an extremely crowded F train. Next stop is Jay Street, and by this time it’s official, every person in New York is on this train. Please stand clear of the closing doors, if you can.
–Coney Island bound F train
Overheard by: F Train Sloper
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, the next stop is 59th Street. And if you haven’t voted and are thinking of voting for Bush, please see the movie Fahrenheit 9/11. Thank you. Stand clear of the closing doors.
–4 Train, 42nd St
Overheard by: Jonny
Conductor: You have yourself a satisfying Thursday.
–F train
Man, boarding downtown E: This is the downtown E?
Woman: Yes.
Man: You sure?
Woman: I’m positive.
Man: Aight, ’cause if those numbers start gettin’ bigger, yo head gonna get bigger, bitch.
–E train, 42nd St
Overheard by: Ivan
Fashionista: I’m not ready for a rich man.
–East Village
Woman: Yeah, he’s got money. Like, when Michael Jackson tried to buy the Elephant Man? That kind of money. Giraffe money!
–Uptown 6 train
3-Year-Old: My daddy makes a lot of money so my mommy and me can live the life we want to live.
–Playground, DUMBO
Overheard by: grimrosary
Salesperson: Yeah, so he was like, “That’s what it means to be rich. I can buy whatever makes me and my fiancé happy. I can buy her all the Harry Potter memorabilia that she wants.”
–Paragon Sports, 18th & Broadway
Overheard by: LSB
Wall-Street-Intern chick: So, if the weather is bad here in the Hamptons I may just fly to California or South Beach for the weekend. Hopefully nobody at work will need me because I may have to get a flight on Friday morning. You know, I have to do what’s fiscally feasible for me…and by “me”, I mean my parents.
–D train
Overheard by: I hope she reads this, and then dies…
Male customer to deli worker: Do you know where can I get a fake Rolex with counterfeit money?
–19th & 6th
Overheard by: Hobo Hank
Little girl, talking for a teddy bear with a stocking over its head, to another teddy bear: Give me all your money!
–Goodwill
Daughter: Mom, when we go to Europe I want to go to Auschwitz, too.
Mom: No, Alex, one concentration camp is enough.
–Central Park
Overheard by: lol holocaust
Ghetto girl on cell: How you ‘spect me to find you? This map has, like, so many places on it!
–Brooklyn Botanical Gardens
Overheard by: vix
Tourist: But we are in SoHo!
–16th & 6th
Overheard by: Yours Truly
Tourist to MTA agent: Which train do I need to take to get to South Ho?
–W 4th St subway station
Overheard by: Emily
Teenage tourist: Ohmigod…CBGB… BCBG…Whatever. We totally have to go!
–22rd & 5th
Overheard by: zr
Tourist lady, pointing to Liberty Island: There are people over there. Why are there people over there?!
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Not quite sure
Jappy tourist: Hey, we’re trying to get back to New York Island; do you know the best way to get to 48th and 8th Avenue?
–2nd St between A & B
Overheard by: Where Am I?
Yuppie tourist: Christina, Christina! Is this Ground Zero?
–5th Ave, outside Plaza Hotel
Overheard by: D
Kid: Would you like to buy some lemonade or iced tea?
Lady: Sure, what are you planning to use the money for?
Kid: Last week we were collecting money for Israeli soldiers. This week we’re saving for a nice vacation.
–Apartment building entrance, Upper West Side
Overheard by: Julie
Belgian friend: Have you ever been to Belgium?
American friend: Yes. Five times.
Belgian friend: Really? Five times? What did you think of it?
American friend: It was beautiful, and the food was fantastic. But I noticed the people there looked so sad and depressed. Although I did see a certain pride in their faces…like they know they make great products.
Belgian friend, thoughtfully: Mmmm, yes. We do make great products.
–Joyce Theater, 19th & 8th
Overheard by: Shannon
