Girl to friend: Man, every time I pass this place the people sitting outside talk shit about me.
Outdoor customer to friend: Check out those ugly boots.
–13th & 3rd
Girl to friend: Man, every time I pass this place the people sitting outside talk shit about me.
Outdoor customer to friend: Check out those ugly boots.
–13th & 3rd
20-something women in yoga gear, simultaneously: It was like a blessing in cake form.
–Astor Place
Girl: I'm too single to eat a brownie.
–NYU Library
Guy on cell: Soft Serve is so good, you will step in dog poop and not even care!
–14th St b/w 7th & 8th
Serious guy on his way out of restaurant, to girl: So all we need are aspirin and Skittles.
–Angelo's Pizza
Assertive little boy in shopping cart seat, grabbing mom's face: I want to buy a chocolate croissant and eat it. Do you understand what I'm saying?
–Food Coop, Park Slope
Overheard by: Jenny
Guy: My dream is to fart into a bullhorn.
Girl: Wow — reach for the stars!
–11th & 3rd
Overheard by: Lucy
Guy on cell: Yeah, I’m excited to come up and visit you, but I heard your school has a lot of STDs. Should I even bother bringing my cock?
–Whole Foods, Union Square
16-year-old girl on cell: So like, for Halloween my mom told me about this strip club we could go to…
–110th & Central Park West
Overheard by: sophie Balis-Harris
Drunk stumbling Yankee meathead to fellow meatheads: Yo! Let's get some fucking strippers! I don't give a fuck about my girlfriend! (pauses and looks around) If I drop any more beer on this woman… (spills half his cup on her back) Ah, fuck.
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: seat 12 section 23
20-something woman on cell: What, you had sex with that stripper?!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Liz
Drunk suit: Yeah…we did it up fo' my son's 18th birfday. He be graduatin and all this year, so we sprung fo' a stripper.
–Q67 Bus
Overheard by: Kate
Teen screaming into cell: Stripper. (pause) No, stripper!
–Little Italy
Boyfriend: Baby, that was amazing last night.
Girlfriend: I know…
Boyfriend: Really. that was the best head you ever gave me. Easily in the top five.
Girlfriend: Top five ever? Or just from me?
Boyfriend: Um…
Girlfriend: Who was better than me?
Boyfriend: That’s a ridiculous question. There’s no Platonic ideal of blowjobs.
–2nd Ave. & 5th St.
Overheard by: Franklin
Girl #1: So I started giving him head…
Girl #2: Nasty!
Girl #1: Nah, I love dick.
–2nd Ave & 12st St
Overheard by: Jackson
Tourist mom with mullet, trying to take a picture of cute five-year old boy: Stand by the testicles, honey. Stand by the balls!
–Wall Street Bull
Overheard by: oh tourists
Suit to street vendor: You spend the money and get blue balls…
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Colin
Guy on cell: Fucking shit! What the fuck? This fucking shit is fucking messed up! (pause) Whatever, mommy… just get me a large, it'll give me more room for my balls.
–97th St & Madison Ave
Big guy in chair on sidewalk to friend: So, I ate a pair of balls last night. Lamb balls. Hot and spicy.
–Heath St & 231st St
Overheard by: Km
Ghetto man to Dunkin' Donuts cashier: Yo, how much is da balls?
–W 148th & Broadway
Girl #1: For our next trip, my parents want to go on a cruise to Alaska.
Girl #2: Oh my god, no! Haven’t you seen the Titanic?
Girl #1: I know, right? Plus, it’s cold. I mean look at March of the Penguins. They die there.
–F train
Queer: So some stranger just approached me and asked me to fuck her and her husband on Staten Island…Wait, it was Ellis Island. Yeah, she wanted me to fuck with the Statue of Liberty.
Hag: Oh, that’s too bad. Staten Island is nice.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Tina L.
Teen boy: “Romanian”? What’s that, Italian?
–N train
