Mother: Fairies like getting back in the pram.
Kid: I'm not a fairy!
Mother: Yes you are.
–10th & 1st
Overheard by: ashleigh
Mother: Fairies like getting back in the pram.
Kid: I'm not a fairy!
Mother: Yes you are.
–10th & 1st
Overheard by: ashleigh
Drunk girl #1: I wanna sleep here! Just because I wanna sleep outside of Doc Holliday’s doesn’t make me a bad person.
Drunk guy: I wanna sleep here! Don’t ever make me get up!
Drunk girl #2: You can not sleep outside of a saloon in Alphabet City. That makes you trash. Sleeping on the streets makes you trash. Would you please get up?
Drunk guy: Fine, but you better find me some drugs.
–Doc Holliday’s
Teen boy: I like touching fat people.
–69th St & 5th Ave, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Jon A.
Guy to friends: So I was on the subway the other day and I was counting some guys’ chins and I realized, I’m just not a nice person.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: CUMT
Large black woman on cell: Of course I’m loud, I’m fat!
–25th & 8th
Overheard by: Beckerman
Chick to guy: I’m thinking of keeping it, as an excuse to get fat.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Ladle
30-something with heavy NYC accent: Ya know, if I had to do high school all over again, I woulda fucked a fat chick. I wouldna cared so much.
–34th & 5th
Man yelling on cell: I would be so much better at Jeopardy then her! Her fat Indian hands can’t hit the button as fast as I can!
–35rd St & 5th Ave
Female house manager: He comes over and he’s like: "What are you doing?" and I said: "My job." and he goes: "You’re fat."
–Theater, St Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Mariah
Chick on cell: Yeah, I'm like a hardcore rollerblader now. I just haven't learned how to stop yet.
–44th & 3rd
Steroid Freak: So I was hanging from his torso and then we tried to insert the triangle…
–25th & Lexington
Young man to friend: He likes me, he likes my style… he wants me to contort my limbs on a float.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Eyeteeth
Bored teenage girl (from 2nd story window): Hello, Mr Runner man! You've got a long way to go! I see you across the street there, wearing all black. These are words of encouragement! I support your acts of fitness!
–Vanderbilt & Bergen
Overheard by: Jilly
Female power-walker with cigarette: I used to be able to make a mile in under 7, but that was, you know, way back in college, before the job and the (runs out of breath) …way back.
–Prospect Park Loop
Overheard by: EmLo
Man in elevator on cell: Yeah. That's what I'm paying for, right? Next time just make sure it's a male to female.
–Elevator, Chelsea
Staten Island man to son: Okay, you have to be careful here. And don't touch any of the pretty ladies: the prettier they are, the more likely it's a man.
–1st & Houston
Middle aged woman to friend: Every morning I wake up and think I look more and more like Mrs Doubtfire.
–Union Square
Overheard by: mk
Guy in pink spandex to Victorian Gardens employee: Excuse me, where do the trannies hang out?
–Central Park
Preppy chick to friends: Did I ever tell you guys about the tranny I slept with?
–19th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Well-Dressed Indian Boy
Mom, in motherly voice, to crying four-year-old: Aww, what's the matter, did the little transvestite scare you?
–2nd & 72nd
Overheard by: Nancy
Music manager on phone: You know what you need? Lesbians! Everyone needs a lesbian.
–20th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: LoRna
Lady on cell: And now she thinks I’m a lesbian because I borrowed her…
–Union Square Greenmarket
Overheard by: borrowed her what?
Guy on cell: Did you bring chairs and a cooler? Cause usually lesbians are so prepared, they always bring chairs and a cooler.
–Ludlow near Rivington
English woman (trying on a pair of vintage men inspired shoes) to man: I always thought there was something very chic about a woman wearing a man’s shoe. (looks at her footwear) But I have to be skinny for this look, otherwise I’ll look like a lesbian!
–Frock Vintage Store
Overheard by: Shoegal
Guy to friend: She isn’t a lesbian but she does own a house.
–13th & 1st
Girl to boyfriend: Your idea of romance is an 8-ball and trying to get a hard-on!
–12th & Broadway
Preppy girl: Nothing turns me on like carbon monoxide!
–Lucky Jack's
Overheard by: Argopelter
Excited suit: He came out of the womb with a woody!
–1st Ave & 10th
Overheard by: moodle
Girl on cell: I heart you like an erection!
–34th & 2nd
Jock/pretty boy: Dude, I don't know why but she'd always give me boners in the middle of class.
–St Marks & 2nd Ave
Chick: It's all erections and prostates, erections and prostates! Could we have our check, please?
–Arctica Bar & Grill, 3rd Ave & 27th St
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Girl #1: Wasn't he gay for a while?
Girl #2: Well, just as long as it wasn't on Sunday…
–St. Mark's & 2nd
Kid to another: Stephen king is the best autha, yo. But Danielle Steele is the best girl autha, yo.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: Joel
Teen to friend: Santa's a well-read dude, but they won't let him pee.
–5th Ave Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: Dude Santa
Ghetto chick: Yeah, maybe mama will actually buy a book…one day.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman
Guy trying to push "free literature": This book is really important. It was the book that Gandhi followed. Do you know who Gandhi is? He's like the Indian Martin Luther King.
–L Train
Man reading Richard Scarry's What Do People Do All Day?: What? Poets do not write poetry all day! They work shitty jobs in design firms and sell things to assholes from San Diego! (turns page) And writers don't write all day! They pick up laundry for Park Slope bitches!
–Children's Section, Barnes & Noble, Court Street
Overheard by: Amused Bookseller
Bum: Will you watch my table and make sure no one uses it. Or if they do, then charge them $5.
Girl: No. Sorry, I’m leaving.
Bum: Ok then, will you give me a hug? I’ve had a bad day, I need a hug.
Girl: Um… Sorry, no.
Bum: Well, I need a hug, and you are supposed to do your civic duty!
–Union Square
