Wednesday One-Liners Are a Social Construct

Angry construction worker to befuddled construction worker: Don't look at me like that! Don't say that to me! Go home and fuck my wife, asshole!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Jumana

Construction working to another: Man, I need to get me a bi girlfriend. She'd be lovin' me, and I'd be lovin' her friends.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Rich R.

Construction worker, singing: If there's a skeeter on your Peter/whack it off! (claps twice)

–Waverly Place & 5th Ave

Overheard by: steph

Tough construction worker, unloading van: Yo, I was up til like 2 am watchin' Scooby Doo Where Are You!

–Humboldt & Withers

Overheard by: francesca

Construction worker, staring up at construction skyscraper: It's all twisted. It's going to come down.

–Williams St

Overheard by: Sonya

Posted on May 23, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Brooklyn, Construction Guys, Coworkers, Gays and Lesbians, Infidelity, Insults, Masturbation, One-liners, Penis, Penn Station, Promiscuity, Relationships, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Sexuality, Singing, Street, The Village, TV, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners

Presenting the Wednesday One-Liners Lollipop

Girl: He’s like, "Why so cold?" and I’m like, "You licked my ear! You licked my ear! You licked my ear! I cannot emphasize enough that you licked my ear."

–43rd & 9th

Girl on cell: So if he licked my pussy, would it ruin our friendship?

–W 4th Street

Eight-year old boy: Can I please lick your eyeball, mom?

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: thankfully, not the mom

20-something woman talking to friends: So, having some guy really close to your ear with his tongue out is the most horrifying thing ever… Some guy just licked me on the subway. He emptied, like, an entire tube of toothpaste on my hair and back and then proceeded to lick it off me…I got to work and went to the bathroom. I washed my hair, and scrubbed my back raw, but I didn’t feel clean until I got home and took a shower.

–Gift Shop, The Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: Lauren Weiss

Girl to friend: And then she bent over and he licked her ass.

–Astor Place Subway Station

Overheard by: Shane and Sammy

Pretentious redhead: So I said, "Please don’t lick me. I’m just trying to do my job."

–Uptown E Train

Overheard by: wondering where she works

Posted on May 22, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Friendship, Harassment, Health and Hygiene, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Licking, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Museum of Natural History, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Relationships, Store, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Met, The Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Are So Nouveau Riche

Female shopper to Bloomingdale's cologne sprayer: Don't you dare spray your $30 over my $150.

–Perfume Aisle, Bloomingdale's

Old lady on cell: I mean, it's just five million…

–Madison & 77th St

Very rich mom to new nanny, about baby in stroller: Okay, well, she loves sushi, and…

–Upper East Side

Rich teen: I asked my mom to go to Louis Vuitton with me this weekend and she was like, "we're in a recession, let's go to Dolce."

–42nd St

Overheard by: I want a m6

Label-whore eating grapes and cheese, to friend: Oh my god, I feel so rich when I eat this stuff… Oh, wait, I am.

–Paul's Cafe

Posted on May 21, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Ethnic Food, Fashion, Fashionistas, Food, Friends, Girls, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Money & Class, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Restaurants & Cafes, Rich people, Shopping, Store, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners’ Eyes Are Bigger Than Their Stomachs

20-something woman: Is she a bialy in real life?

–Tomo sushi, 110th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Very large black woman on cell phone, bellowing: I don’t do no motherfucking corn bread! Why the fuck you always want corn bread, motherfucker?

–St. Luke’s-Roosevelt Hospital, 114th & Amsterdam

Punk girl to another: I wish I was a muffin. But I’m not. I’m a human.

–B Train

Overheard by: id rather be a cupcake

Black Whole Foods employee to black whole Foods customer: You have to be raised on it, you hear me? I was raised on c-town, key foods. I ain’t gonna pay no 4 dollars for no eggs.

–Union Square Whole Foods

Clueless suit on cell: I’m just really bad at knowing if stuff is perishable or not. I just don’t know. Ok, so ice cream -that’s perishable, right? Butter -non-perishable. Caviar isn’t perishable either… Wait, what? Oh, butter is perishable? Wait, how do you know? Does perishable mean it has to be kept in the fridge? Ok, so does caviar have to be kept in the fridge?

–E 60th St

Angry 20-something on cell phone: Why? Why? Because I can’t eat spaghetti-o’s anymore!

–E 13th St & 1st Ave

Posted on May 19, 2015
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Food, Hospitals, Insults, Kosher food, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Punks, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Whole Foods, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Though I Didn't Foresee That You'd No Longer Be One

Girl #1: And it's been a few years now, and I've been with a man.
Girl #2: I knew that would happen.

–84th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Nick

Posted on May 15, 2015
Girls, Sex, Time, Upper East Side

Wednesday One-liners for Adoptionists

Crazy woman: I’m still alive and breathing, thank you very much, despite the best efforts of the Devil.

–Food Court, Grand Central

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Posted on May 15, 2015
Anger Management, Astoria, Brooklyn, Crime and Punishment, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Friendship, Manhattan, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Queens, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Should've Used a Condom, Teens, Tourist Attractions, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence

Information on Louisiana Being in Short Supply

Suit #1: …That’s, like, five feet of water. Do you know how much water damage that’s gonna cause?
Suit #2: Yeah! And Louisiana’s not even on the coast down there, is it?
Suit #1: …I think they’re on a big lake.

–60th & Park

Overheard by: Brian Lindecker

Newsguy: Read all about it…26 feet of water and still rising…totally flooded…get the news right here…Brooklyn completely underwater…thousands of people drowned…read all about it…

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on May 14, 2015
History & Geography, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Suits, Upper East Side, Vendors & Street Performers, Weather

Trump: Is It a Quality /Mercedes Brand Dick?

Overprivileged yuppie #1: Did you see that? Dude, did you *see* that?! Man, I *own* this fucking city!
Overprivileged yuppie #2: No you don't, skizzball. Donald Trump owns this fucking city.
Overprivileged yuppie #1: Donald Trump can suck my dick!

–85th & 2nd

Overheard by: SoOverIt