Here’s Where the Story Ends, Wednesday One-liners

Hipster on cell: Best case scenario is: I talk, and you say
nothing. We have nothing to talk about.

–65th & 2nd

Overheard by: Gregorio and Robyn

Queer: Instead of cheating, I define it as an indiscretion.

–Posh, W. 51st Street

Overheard by: Nick Salvato

Dude on cell: …yeah..you are breaking up…wha? no…I meant your voice is breaking up…nope…wha? no…I don’t want to break up with you…hello…hello…

–West 4th & Macdougal

Dude on cell: So how’s the single life?…Well, that’s good, because if you were pregnant, I’d stick my fist in your twat and pull that thing outta there…I said, I’d stick my fist in your twat. Yeah, I would…Because I’m not really ready to be a dad right now, you know?

–LIRR

Overheard by: maura johnston

Posted on July 9, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Breaking Up, Cell Phone, Infidelity, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Wishes & desires, Words

That’s Called Gorgonorrhea

Girl #1: I still can’t believe he cheated on you with her.
Girl #2: I know, right? Like, what does she have that I don’t?
Girl #1: I don’t know. Bigger tits?
Girl #2: Who cares? Mine are nicer. Plus I bet you I could do anything and everything better than her in bed. And, she’s slept with so many people that I bet her vagina is fucking sagging.
Girl #1: Yeah, they probably wouldn’t be able to tell if it was even in yet. Besides, you could probably catch an STD just by looking at her.

–E train

Overheard by: amanda

Posted on July 7, 2015
Girlfriends, On the Subway, Promiscuity, Vagina

Wednesday One-Liners Mind the Gap

Man: All I want is vaginal fluids. Been locked up for years upstate.

–Astor Place

Hipster dude: It smells like dirty vagina out here.

–Graham & Richardson, Williamsburg

Amateur gynecologist: I mean, when you think about it, he’s really just a big vagina with sand in it.

–93rd & 3rd

Frat guy: I don’t know, man…I just don’t trust her vagina.

–Outside Ray’s Pizza, Houston St

Overheard by: Becky

Chubby teen: I’ve never even touched a vagina!

–100th & Amsterdam

Worker: They had a bet on who ate the best pussy. They get on the stage and take turns going down on her.

–32nd & Madison

Woman, to store clerk: Excuse me, do you knows where the pussy products is?

–Duane Reade, 45th & 6th

Posted on July 6, 2015
Brooklyn, Frat Boys, Hipsters, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, People, Teens, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Williamsburg

Wednesday Vaginers

Enthusiastic 20-something: Oh, is that ciabatta? Yummy! Whenever I see ciabatta, my pussy starts to swell!

–Broadway & 13th

Random passerby: He wants a vagina. In and around his mouth.

–The Village

Cute NYU blonde: He won't like, touch my vagina with his hands. That means he's gay, right?

–Mercury Lounge, LES

Drunk Latina to drunk white girl whose boyfriend stepped out to get a paper bag: Girl, just tell him to take you home. Tell him you want to sleep tonight. Tell him your pussy is closed!

–McDonald's, 14th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: ehka

Girl in gym: Everything on my body is flaccid, except my vagina.

–Fordham Gym

Posted on June 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Drunks, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gyms, Home, Sweet Home, Latinos, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Sorority Girls, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires

Ew, Who Wednesday One-Linered?

Elderly janitor, watching pierced teenagers get in line: I'm gonna fart on one of these people.

–Broadway & Houston

Angry man on cell: They think they're so perfect, but I bet they piss and burp and fart like the rest of us.

–80th St & 34th Ave

Hobo: Can you spare some change? I need to buy some new underwear, I farted and shat in these.

–83rd St & Broadway

Overheard by: new girl in town

Tiny brunette: Have you ever had to pee so bad, and suddenly you fart and then you don't have to pee that badly anymore?

–7 Train

Young woman to friend: Yeah, and then she started fartin' a bunch. But she was farting out of her pussy. And Ashley got pissed, cause then, she started makin' a beat out of it.

–125th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Stephen

Posted on June 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Cleanliness, Clerks, Clothing, Farting & Burping, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Pee, Physical appearance, Poop, Queens, Questions, Teens, The Village, Threats, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

At Least Wednesday One-Liners Can Cook

Drunk college girl: I don’t mean to have sex with ugly guys but more often than not…

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Lo

Thuggish dude on cell: … You want to look in the mirror and be like ewww, while everyone else looks at you and is like, ooh, you know what I’m saying? When I wake up in the morning and I look in the mirror I think to myself shit, I am one ugly motherfucker, how the hell do I get so many bitches?

–7 Train

Overheard by: Andrea

Dumpy man waiting on line: I didn’t know court was a beauty contest for ugly women.

–Downtown NYC Courthouse

Man fighting with random woman on train: You’re as ugly as the tip of my dick!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Marlon B

Teenage girl to group of friends: Oh! Did I tell you *Jessica had her baby? Yeah, that shit ain’t ugly.

–Cobble Hill

Loud girl: Omigod I’m soooo pissed! Like, she’s so ugly. Much uglier than me. And you know on Halloween, if I hadn’t been bleeding from my vagina and puking in a bowl he would have hooked up with me instead.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: I was puking in a bowl when I heard this too

Posted on June 24, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Beauty, Blood & bleeding, Brooklyn, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Drunks, Fat People, Fordham, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Holidays, Insults, Lower Manhattan, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Sex, Sorority Girls, Teens, Thugs, Vagina, Vomit, Weirdness

Granted, With Oyster Cream Sauce

Girl #1: Your pussy smells like fish.
Girl #2: Your pussy smells like a light salmon.
Girl #1: Oh, yeah? Well, you're no more than a brook trout.

–110 & Amsterdam

Posted on June 23, 2015
Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Sensory Experiences, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina

But If I Find One Hair, It’s Going in the Trash

Teen girl #1: No, I don’t think I’ll be buying a chocolate vagina.
Teen girl #2: Why not?! It tastes like chocolate but looks like a vagina!
Teen girl #1: Okay… maybe.

–45th & Broadway