Ew, Who Wednesday One-Linered?

Elderly janitor, watching pierced teenagers get in line: I'm gonna fart on one of these people.

–Broadway & Houston

Angry man on cell: They think they're so perfect, but I bet they piss and burp and fart like the rest of us.

–80th St & 34th Ave

Hobo: Can you spare some change? I need to buy some new underwear, I farted and shat in these.

–83rd St & Broadway

Overheard by: new girl in town

Tiny brunette: Have you ever had to pee so bad, and suddenly you fart and then you don't have to pee that badly anymore?

–7 Train

Young woman to friend: Yeah, and then she started fartin' a bunch. But she was farting out of her pussy. And Ashley got pissed, cause then, she started makin' a beat out of it.

–125th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Stephen

Posted on June 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Cleanliness, Clerks, Clothing, Farting & Burping, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Pee, Physical appearance, Poop, Queens, Questions, Teens, The Village, Threats, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

At Least Wednesday One-Liners Can Cook

Drunk college girl: I don’t mean to have sex with ugly guys but more often than not…

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Lo

Thuggish dude on cell: … You want to look in the mirror and be like ewww, while everyone else looks at you and is like, ooh, you know what I’m saying? When I wake up in the morning and I look in the mirror I think to myself shit, I am one ugly motherfucker, how the hell do I get so many bitches?

–7 Train

Overheard by: Andrea

Dumpy man waiting on line: I didn’t know court was a beauty contest for ugly women.

–Downtown NYC Courthouse

Man fighting with random woman on train: You’re as ugly as the tip of my dick!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Marlon B

Teenage girl to group of friends: Oh! Did I tell you *Jessica had her baby? Yeah, that shit ain’t ugly.

–Cobble Hill

Loud girl: Omigod I’m soooo pissed! Like, she’s so ugly. Much uglier than me. And you know on Halloween, if I hadn’t been bleeding from my vagina and puking in a bowl he would have hooked up with me instead.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: I was puking in a bowl when I heard this too

Posted on June 24, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Beauty, Blood & bleeding, Brooklyn, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Drunks, Fat People, Fordham, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Holidays, Insults, Lower Manhattan, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Sex, Sorority Girls, Teens, Thugs, Vagina, Vomit, Weirdness

Granted, With Oyster Cream Sauce

Girl #1: Your pussy smells like fish.
Girl #2: Your pussy smells like a light salmon.
Girl #1: Oh, yeah? Well, you're no more than a brook trout.

–110 & Amsterdam

Posted on June 23, 2015
Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Sensory Experiences, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina

But If I Find One Hair, It’s Going in the Trash

Teen girl #1: No, I don’t think I’ll be buying a chocolate vagina.
Teen girl #2: Why not?! It tastes like chocolate but looks like a vagina!
Teen girl #1: Okay… maybe.

–45th & Broadway

Posted on June 19, 2015
Business and Commerce, Food, Junk Food & Fast Food, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Private Parts, Teens, Vagina

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Bunch of Pussies

Man to friend: … And then she put her pussy on my head.

–W 4th & 7th

Overheard by: Shaggy

Large black lady to friends: I mean, her vagina was fuckin’ huge! You could put a whole fist in that thing!

–W 4th & 6th

Overheard by: Sophia Casanova

Teen girl on cell: I really wanted to be like, ‘Listen, bud — this isn’t working, so can you please remove your fingers from my vagina?’

–B1 bus stop, Bensonhurst

Female: I think my vagina is malfunctioning.

–E 112th St

Overheard by: Mine, too

Loud guy to male friend: There’s something about a vagina that just makes you evil! No offense.

–4th & Mercer

Overheard by: none taken

Posted on June 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Meanwhile, George Clooney Holds the Skeleton Key to All Pussies.

Little boy to older sister: What is that?
Sister: The key to my pussy.

–Ditmas Park, Brooklyn

Posted on June 13, 2015
Brooklyn, Brothers, Kids, Questions, Sisters, Vagina

Wednesday Puts on Its One-Liners One Leg at a Time

Ghetto dude on phone: Do you know what I could do with that money? I could get a new pair of pants… or maybe get my hair done.

–Broadway & 86th St

Girl to another: I had this teacher in high school who wore the tightest pants. Camel toe all the time.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Giancarlo

Annoying sober 20-something, returning from bathroom: God! I'm so sweaty, it made it really hard to pull my pants down.

–Diner, 3rd Ave

Teenage girl to another: He came here to do a concert. He probably doesn't want to hear you scream, "Take your pants off!"

–Battery Park

Posted on June 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Clothing, Girls, Guys, Hair, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Sex, Singing, Sweat, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

It’s Hungry for a Baby

College boy #1: Did you see the camel toe on her? It was like her vagina was hungry or something.
College boy #2: Yeah, she had a ravenous vagina.

–Brooklyn College

Overheard by: Brooklyn Julie

Posted on June 10, 2015
Brooklyn, School, Students, Vagina

Wednesday Ob/gyn-liners

Girl: I feel like if your vagina is wet enough, you won’t get AIDS.

–Kitchenette Uptown, Amsterdam Avenue

Overheard by: Fatty McFingers

Posted on June 9, 2015
AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Idiots, Restaurants & Cafes, Upper East Side, Vagina

No, But She Does Talk Funny When She’s Checking Out My Junk

Tipsy chick #1: I just started with a new gynecologist. She has braces; I don’t know how I feel about that.
Tipsy chick #2: Why, does she use her mouth?

–White Horse Tavern, Hudson St

Overheard by: C.I.

Posted on June 5, 2015
Hipsters, Lower East Side, Vagina

Vagina