Wednesday Flatliners

Dude on cell: Alright, listen up. If the guy gets up and walks away, he's not dead. If you come back and he's still lying there, he's dead, you follow? So, in that situation you are just going to go through the motions like we discussed.

–23th & 7th

Overheard by: mel

Random man on bicycle to doorman: You never know when you're going to eat a bad mushroom and die.

–87th St & York Ave

Overheard by: Critter

Jersey woman, looking at a case with brains that suffered from major stroke: Oh my gawd… They probably died from that!

–Bodies The Exhibition, South St Seaport

Guy shopping in art supply on a cell: So you're banking on dying young, then?

–Art Store, Williamsburg

Spacey old guy to friends, calmly: I want to murder that guy. (even more calmly) I've got bloodlust in my heart.

–9th St b/w 1st & 2nd

Overheard by: JKW

Woman on cell: You want to be cremated, right? (pause) Well, then what the hell are we going to do with you?

–Park Ave

Posted on September 23, 2021
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Blood & bleeding, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crazies, Death, Food, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Idiots, Men, More museums, Murder, Old People, On Cell, Philosophy, Questions, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women

Before Putting Him in a Fresh Diaper and Reading Him a Story

Girl #1: I keep getting urinary tract infections.
Girl #2: Well, maybe he has a dirty penis.
Girl #1: No, I wash it for him in the shower.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Susan

Posted on September 18, 2021
Default, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Penis, Penn Station, STDs, Weirdness

The Original Iteration of Ratatouille Bombed with Young Audiences

Four-year-old boy, pointing at giant inflatable rat: Look dad, a big rat!
Dad: Yeah, that symbolizes anti-union labor where the union employees aren’t being hired and companies are hiring non-union employees to work with them.
Four-year-old boy: What?

–28th & Broadway

Posted on September 14, 2021
Animals & Nature, Boys, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dads, Default, Kids, Parents, Politics, Questions, Street, Weirdness

…..But That Was Only Because I Drank Too Much Eggnog and Passed Out in a Puddle

Red-haired hipster: Yeah, I haven't bathed myself in a week, so today I took a shower.
Hipster chick: Yeah, last time I took a shower was on Christmas Eve. I guess I should bathe.

–L Train

Overheard by: every day bather

Headline by: antigoth

Runners-Up:
· “God, I Hope This Was Overheard on Christmas Day” – Vasyl
· “Jesus Would Want It That Way” – Nick Turner
· “On the Plus Side, I’ve Driven All Of the Roaches Out Of My Apartment” – Kelly
· “Robert Pattinson’s Dream Girls” – John
· “Smells Like…. Teen Spirit?” – rose
· “Wait, Do Golden Showers Count?” – Trey Jackson
· “Why Is There an Echo on This Train?” – Scott Easton
· “Why You Never See Hipster Babies…” – Ray

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on September 12, 2021
Cleanliness, Headline Contest Winners, Hipsters, On the Subway, Time, Weirdness

But That Priest Just Looked Confused When I Put It in the Collection Plate

Rich girl #1: I feel like I haven't done anything today. I just woke up and got high.
Rich girl #2: No, you donated a tampon. That's like, totally a tax write-off!

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Dianne

Posted on August 31, 2021
Drugs, Girls, LaGuardia Airport, Money & Class, Rich people, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Tend to Ramble On

Old man at the bar: Everyday that I wake up and see that my name isn’t in the obituaries is a good day.

–Cafe des Artistes Bar

Older woman, to friend: Then we’re going to have to do the suntan lotion thing, and that’s going to be a nightmare.

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: EthanK

Pre-teen boy, to friend: Yo, man, there’s a lot of old people on this train. I bet they’re all wishing they were our age again. Suckers!

–N Train

Overheard by: Hannah

Old lady, to man playing steel drums as she dances along to the music: Shalom! That was awesome, my man!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Courtney Messer

Elderly woman to elderly friends: So then Andy comes down in his bikini, and of course all the old women go crazy…

–56th & 1st Ave

Old lady looking into fancy cafe: Another shithole!

–74th near Broadway

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Old lady: Geraldine, do you want to come up later and play… With my wireless router!

–Clark & Herny

Overheard by: Lacy

Posted on August 28, 2021
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Boys, Brooklyn, Computer, Death, Friends, Grand Central, Happiness, Judaism, Languages, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Offers and requests, Old People, On the Subway, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women, Words

Wednesday-One-Liner and Disorderly

Student: I feel like I'm drunk. Like when I was six.

–Middle School Dance, Spanish Harlem

Six-year-old girl: I drank beer once and I went crazy!

–Central Park

Dad, about his young son who has just run face-first into a chair: Don't worry about him, he's just drunk.

–Indian Road Cafe, Inwood

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Five-year-old boy: Next stop, wine store!

–University & 9th St

Posted on August 27, 2021
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Drinking & Drunk People, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, School, Students, The Village, Washington Heights and Inwood, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Breathe through Their Noses

Black girl on bluetooth headset: You want everyone to suck yo dick, dontcha? Dontcha?! You want everyone to suck yo dick!

–W. 59th & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Alexandra

Twelve-year-old guido, near tears, doubled over in the street screaming on his cell phone: You sucked Charlie’s dick last night, you blow job! You sucked Charlie’s dick last night, you blow job!

–Brooklyn

20 something blonde on cell: … Is that normal? [Pause.] No, it’s different every time, like it almost disappears… Then another time its all swinging and shit… Is that normal? [Listens.]Oh no! Thats just fine, like it gags me when … [Mumbles.]

–LIRR

Manager to employee: You are a cock guzzling thundercunt!

–Chelsea

Gay guy, to his friend: I mean…I may suck dick but at least I don’t take it up the ass.

–16th & 9th

Woman: Short of blowing him in MoMa, I really don’t know how to get his attention.

–A Train

Overheard by: Why MoMa?