Crazy guy eating in deli: You know, 200 years ago, people wouldn’t be able to get anything they wanted from this place… They’d have to go hunt for food.
Clerk, pretending to be amused: Oh, really?
Crazy guy eating in deli (really excited): And you know what?! There used to be cats screaming all night long until the Chinese food places came around (laughs to himself) but not anymore!
–27th & 6th
Overheard by: Karl
(goth chick runs down the street shrieking, followed by her hipster-chick friend with tiger face paint)
Young black girl #1: What’s happening?
Young black girl #2: Yeah, what’s with all the crazy white people?
–St Marks & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Tigertail
Headline by: chrissmari
Runners-Up:
· “How Young Oprah Got the Idea for Her Show” – Doug
· “Let’s Go Back to Harlem Where It’s Safe” – Caitlin
· “Obama Better Fix That Shit His First Day” – Steve J
· “The Little-Known Eighth Sign Of the Apocalypse” – samson
· “Wait Until You Meet Dennis Rodman” – Aussie_Girl
Tall scraggle-tooth guy with eye patch, in hoarse creepy voice: Do you like balloon animals? I like balloon animals!
Startled passerby: What the fuck ass hell?
–6th Ave & W 8th St
Overheard by: Rose Fox
(crazy woman talking to self)
Guy sitting next to her: Sorry, did you say something?
Crazy woman: No, I have an ear piercing.
Guy: Oh, in the other ear?
Crazy woman: No, this one (points to the ear closest to him). It’s all the way inside my ear. It’s Australian.
–Jane St & Greenwich Ave
(hobo runs through bushes, unzipping pants, mumbling. Cop follows him)
Hobo runs back, zipping up pants: Building structures building structures!
–Washington Square
Overheard by: KidUgly
NYU girl to friend: I mean, I hate him and it’s making my hair fall out but I think our relationship really works.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Man to friend: She wanted to go to dinner on some kind of date shit. I wanna bring her to a bar and fuck her in the bathroom.
–G Train
Overheard by: Sarah
Fat chick to friends: I don’t know. He moved. We weren’t serious, you know? I mean how can you be serious with a man who wanted to move to an Indian reservation? (friends nod in approval) I mean why would you want to move to an Indian reservation anyway? It’s like the projects… but in camp.
–Casa Mono
Overheard by: foodie
Girl on cell: Oh, so you really like this one. (pause) That’s cool, where did he take you? (pause) Wow, he must be balling! That place is mad expensive, yo. (pause) What did you say his name was again? (pause, then hysterical laughing) Girl, I can’t take anyone named Skip-to-my-Lou seriously!
–32nd St & 5th Ave
Boyfriend to girlfriend: Well, if I get sick of you I’ll just find someone else!
–Movie Theater, 32nd & 8th
Overheard by: Happy I’m not his girlfriend.
Guy on train: Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention? Sorry for bothering you, but I’ve been single for a year, and that shit’s not popping… So, any donations of phone numbers, e-mail addresses, or MySpace pages would be greatly appreciated. Thank you and may god bless.
–C Train
Overheard by: gretchen
Bus driver: Next stop… Moheegan Sun–I mean 5th Avenue.
–Crosstown 86th Bus
Chinatown bus driver: Does anyone know how to get to Chinatown?
–Chinatown Bus
Bus driver: Utopia, transfer to the… Hmmm, the Q, the Q, the Q tres y uno. For all you Americans that’s the Q31.
–Q46 Bus
Bus driver as bus approaches 7th Ave: Next stop is 8th ave… or Broadway… or whatever street this is.
–M27 Bus
Overheard by: JoBell
Bus driver: Can you people please move back? It’s really crowded on here, you might find your future wife or something.
–48 Bus, Staten Island
Overheard by: Patricia!
Cranky bus driver on extremely crowded bus: This is Central Park West, get off. I mean, have a nice day!
–M86 Bus
Overheard by: Cori
Suit on cell: So what does he think, he’s going to, like, eat scrambled eggs with these people and then they’ll sit down and talk about it?
–Shore Road, Brooklyn
Yankee fan: So, we was talkin’ to him and we was all like: "Let’s go to a bar!" And he was all like: "I like poetry" so the guys pretty much ditched him, so I was left with ‘im, and had to talk about his feelings and shit. It sucked.
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: I like poetry.
Religious flier nut to friend: We can’t talk about that out here because then they’ll know what we’re about.
–Delancey and Ludlow
Overheard by: Adrienne
Student (shouting): Okay, everyone: I’m doing this whole "day of silence" business so none of you better talk to me! I’m not supposed to say anything and I will be so pissed if anyone of you trick me into talking!
–Millennium High School
Overheard by: I’m staying silent…
Hysterical teenage girl on bus: Well, maybe you should have talked about it before you conceived me!
–M34 Bus
Overheard by: nina
Curly-haired chick on cell: I’m glad I can talk to you about my pubes with such ease.
–Harlem
Overheard by: Nipples McFreaky
Lively black man: My sense of smell is back. I can smell pussy again!
–LIRR
Overheard by: meg
Black girl on cell: …you know it smells like straight bootymeat!
–Times Square
Overheard by: patrick
Obese black woman wearing skin-tight World’s #1 Dad t-shirt: This train smells like urine.
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: World’s #2 Dad
Guy on cell: Baby, all I’m saying is when you came home last night, you smelled like another dude!
–107th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: HuntingSnark
Woman to male friend: I’ll just have to call you "anus breath" from now on.
–Jewish Theological Seminary, 122nd St & Broadway
Overheard by: Sticking to mouthwash from now on
Woman: I smell dick. (licks her hand, sniffs it) Sho ’nuff!
–R Train
Bimbette #1: No, but according to her I can shit cupcakes.
Bimbette #2: Ohhhh. (long pause) You never know when that’ll come in handy.
–76th & 1st
Overheard by: thewallpaperblonde
