Guy: The people here are so friendly…It’s kind of annoying.
–PS 1, LIC
Guy: The people here are so friendly…It’s kind of annoying.
–PS 1, LIC
Woman: I told him I wasn't opposed to dinner just because he's had a vasectomy.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Meister
Preppy guy: They took cartilage out of his ear and put it in my nose.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Ladle
UES woman: I'm going to get my nails done, then get a colonoscopy in Queens.
–89th and Park
Overheard by: AeC and jRw
Woman on phone: Well, of course I got it removed
*(pause)
Woman: It hurt like hell.
–Elevator in the Hudson Hotel
Guy on phone, Nnoz done: Hts okay – it's just routine anal surgery!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Tam
Chick to friend, standing silently for several minutes: You know, there really isn’t that much to see here.
–Ground Zero
Woman on cell: What about the Christmas cards with the twin towers surrounded by flowers? … Yeah. Kinda grim, huh?
–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Karyn Regal
Wannabe-hardcore bimbette: So, this is where it all went down, huh? Where the shit hit the fan…
–PATH station, WTC
Overheard by: WesTexMike
Tourist man to MTA lady: I want to go to that World Trade Center thing.
–14th St station
Tourist: Is this nine-eleven?
–Ground Zero
Overheard by: duplicity
20-something guy on BlackBerry: No, he's not gay. I was in a fivesome with him, but he's not gay.
–L Train
Girl to gay friend after walking into gay bar: Dude, either find me a straight boy or two Asians that will let me watch.
–NYC
Girl to guy friends: I mean, he's okay he had the threesome–the guy was his best friend!
–8th St & 5th Ave
Angry woman on phone: While you're out having orgies I am doing the real work!
–Victorian Flatbush
Pretentious professor type in academic tone: My ex had unrealistic fantasies. She used to dream about being fucked by God and Satan and the same time. How could I live up to that?
–NYU
Man on cell, coming out of The Dark Knight: I'm sorry that I couldn't pick up your call, I was in a very important meeting with a client.
–Lowes Movie Theater, 68th & Broadway
Guy on cell walking out of subway entrance: I'm getting on the subway now.
–Park Place & Church Street
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Female suit on cell: Well, I can't talk long, I'm about to get on a plane. Yeah, JFK.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: pop pop
Overweight woman to daughter in pink tutu: You made me come here! Don't lie! Don't lie! Don't lie!
–Ikea, Redhook
Overheard by: Emily B.
Annoying anchor: I'm writing a newscast. I don't have time to check facts.
–CBS News Headquarters, 57th St
Overheard by: The Shadow News Bunny
Girl: Yeah, they totally weren’t always addictive. Like, they started putting drugs into cigarettes to make them addictive. Nicotine wasn’t even addictive a long time ago, it’s only recently they have made it that way by putting stuff into it.
–1 train
Overheard by: Nathan B
Guy to friend: Yeah, Eric's an asshole, but he's like… my asshole.
–11th & Broadway
Overheard by: Z
Man on cell: I enjoy sucking the wind out of assholes.
–Brooklyn Public House
Overheard by: In fairness, the conversation was about verbal bullies
Girl: Wow, my asshole has just been all sorts of evil all day, I shat in four different bathrooms on this floor and the one up, so I wouldn't suffer alone. I shared its wrath. Is that wrong?
–Office, Midtown
Loud dude: My asshole is really fucking itchy!
–Bronx High School of Science
Overheard by: urbanadventurer
Crazy hobo: Attention everyone! You're all assholes! Stupid assholes!!
–Park Row, near Brooklyn Bridge
Overheard by: Hollister
Dad to two little kids: Hurry. Hurry! Daddy just crapped himself!
–27th & 7th
Man on cell: Yeah, at that point it was just one stool sample too many…
–In front of Brooklyn Academy of Music
Overheard by: TMI
College dude to girlfriend in loud whisper: I took such a good shit today. [Girlfriend smiles and kisses him.]
–PATH station, 14th St
Overheard by: Abby
Girl: So I woke up the next morning, looked over, and there was a human shit a foot away from my head.
–Purity Diner, Park Slope
Guy: That Mary Poppins… she’s a spoonful of shit!
–Times Square
Suit in sunglasses: This entire platform smells like a hitherto unknown species of ass.
–D train platform, 34th St
Aging hipster on cell: At worst, you emit a general smell. If people notice it, I don’t think they associate it with you.
–Worth St & W Broadway
Loud woman: Yo, where you at? I can smell your breath, but I can’t see your face!
–Shoe store
Drunk chick in room of females: It smells like penis in here.
–Pi2 Lounge, W 12th & Surf Ave
Overheard by: Ioulia Fedorova
Teen on cell: Dude, they kicked me off campus! Because they said I smelled like I was high. I mean, I am a little high, but I don’t smell like it!
–Stuyvesant High
Fat man: Why didn’t anyone call Patty* and tell her that her breath stinks?
–Victory Hospital
Overheard by: Suquaia
Guy, smelling girl’s armpit: Man, that’s brutal! But I kinda like it…
–NYU
Woman to friend: I have a theory: they just throw the horseshit over the wall.
–Central Park South
Overheard by: marijke
Jewish guy: You need to come down here at some point and feel how amazing this chair is. It gives great lumbar support. You will be jealous and then you will poop from jealousy… But you better not poop on my chair.
–Bleecker & Mercer
Woman on cell: Honey, but they were pooping all over the deck and hitting each other with shovels!
–West Village
NYU student to mother: You can't really get a good dinner in this town for under ten dollars…well, you can…but you'll just poop it out later.
–4th St & 2nd Ave
(mother notices toddler's soiled diaper, says something to him, and bends down to pick him up)
Toddler (in small, adorable voice): Waaaaiit, can I walk, so my poop doesn't get squashed?
–Bedford & 5th
20-something guy to friend: You need feces? I can provide!
–Broadway & 12th
Overheard by: elijah
