Rapunzel, Rapunzel, Let Down Your Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to friend: I can't believe you broke a nail on your own ass hair!

–Church & Chambers

Three-year-old boy to another: I like you but I don't like your baby because your baby grabbed my hair.

–Central Park, Great Lawn

Girl: Oh, I'm so glad this is all working out. (gets up and sees her reflection) Fuck! Why didn't you tell me my hair looked like a dead beaver?

–Prince St Cafe

Overheard by: It DID

Black woman to infant held by her mother: Where did you get all of that hair? I want some of that hair. (pats her head) This ain't my hair, I could really use yours.

–Harlem Polling Station

Overheard by: Joe

Girl yelling into cell: He's not even hairy!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Well then why do they call him that?

Chick: I thought we were made for each other, but he's too bearded.

–113th St

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Posted on November 4, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Ass, Babies, Black People, Body Parts, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Hair, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Kids, Love, On Cell, Parks, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Times Square, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners May Leave a Bad Taste in Your Mouth

Bland middle-aged woman: It's not like you're giving head in the Port Authority bathroom!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: j

English tourist: You'll go home and people will ask: "So what did you do on holiday?" You'll reply: "Oh, I gave the Empire State Building a blowjob!"

–34th St

Guy on cell: Ugh, fuck me in the ass. No… no, not you. Meanie. Why don't you just suck my dick. Suck my dick!

–34th Street

Dude on cell: It was like getting a blowjob from the inside.

–8th Ave & 53rd St

Guy on cell: Is that the guy that's been sucking your dick?

–81st & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Kelley

Young guy on cell: And then I said: "I could really use a blowjob right now." She was offended!

–48th & Park

Young black man to friend: Just because she sucks my dick doesn't make her Oprah Winfrey.

–B48 Bus

Posted on October 28, 2019
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, BJs, Black People, Brits, Etiquette, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Leisure, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Tourism, Tourists, Travel, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Women

Keep Your Wednesday One-Liner in Your Pants, Dude

Preppy guy: This may be the last thing I say with my penis attached, but…

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Hunter

Girl on cell: Well, I mean… his penis is really important here, if his is better I'll take him!

–26th St & Lexington Ave

Overheard by: your mom

Asian guy: Everyone else was on the floor. Everyone had a penis in their face.

–D Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Girl on cell: All I'm saying is: don't jump on the first penis that comes along!

–Broadway

Boss, about weightlifting: My genitals were so inverted I used to crap my penis.

–5th Ave

Teacher: There are about six euphemisms for "penis" in the first scene!

–Junior High School

Overheard by: gabygrillz

Posted on October 26, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Body Parts, Bosses, Compare/Contrast, Fast Times at New York High, Fitness, Girls, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, Park Slope, Penis, Poop, Preppies, Private Parts, Promiscuity, S&M, School and studying, Street, Teachers/Professors, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Celebrate V-J-J Day

Girl to male friend: I mean, they were both lousy lovers, but when it came right down to it her vagina was just too wide.

–110th & Broadway

Ghetto teen: Yo, girl! Don’t be pickin’ at yo’ pussy like that in the street! You’ll be on YouTube tomorrow!

–South St Seaport

Overheard by: Big Larry

JAP: I don’t understand how a baby just fell out of her vagina and she didn’t feel anything!

–Outside Lafayette St dorm, NYU

Overheard by: Philouza

Girl on cell: I fully support the idea of a vagina factory.

–7th St & Bedford Ave

Overheard by: Liam Cubbin

Bimbette: Tiff, do these make my vagina look furry?

–Dressing room, Macy’s

Overheard by: SarahM

Chick: My vagina seems so crooked today…

–23rd & 5th

Overheard by: Bruce

Girl on cell: No! He was seriously, like, drilling for oil or something. My vagina is not a source of fossil fuel!

–Central Park

Overheard by: But it’d be cool if it were

Posted on October 23, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

“Don't Hate Me Because I'm Wednesday One-Liner”

Hobo to female passerby (singing): Pretty woman, walking down the street/Pretty woman, eating a hamburger…

–Wendy's, Union Square

Overheard by: Hungry Bystander

Salesgirl to another: You look pretty today…for a little Filipino girl.

–American Eagle, SoHo

Overheard by: Holly

Loud hobo walking through crowded train: Lots of beautiful ladies on this train. Beautiful white ladies. Beautiful black ladies. I like her hat. (turns to one shy-looking girl) Do you wear makeup? You shouldn't. You don't need it, you are so beautiful. If you have any makeup, just throw it away. Or send it to my girl, cuz she is ugly.

–Downtown 4 Train

50-something woman to pretty 20-something girl: I just wanted you to know that our husbands over there think you are one of the most beautiful girls they have ever seen. So now our husbands are going to have sex with my friend and I tonight. They may be thinking of you during, but thanks to you I am going to have an orgasm tonight, so thank you for being so gorgeous.

–Boat Basin Cafe

Overheard by: Megan W.

Guy on iPhone: You think because you're pretty you can get away with that shit. Well, you're wrong! You can get away with that shit because you're rich!

–Duane Reade, Columbus Ave

Overheard by: Veronica at http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/

Posted on October 22, 2019
9 to 5-ers, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Coworkers, Duane Reade, Gender issues, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, Makeup, Marriage, Money & Class, Music, On Cell, On the Subway, Orgasm, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Singing, Soho, Store, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

OMG! It’s Wednesday One-liners!

Priest: Please exit using the side doors as there are things going on in the front.

–St. Patrick’s Cathedral

Overheard by: Bryant

Old lady: Jesus on a check? Oh well, I’m an atheist, so it doesn’t really matter to me.

–E. 33rd Street office

Woman on cell: He can’t hear you when you hate me…You hate me? Then he can’t hear you! He can’t hear you! He can’t hear you! Jehovah can’t hear you when you hate me!

–42nd between 10th & 11th

Woman: You know, they tell those suicide bombers they’ll get 99 virgins when you get to heaven. 99 virgins! But if you blow yourself up in Brooklyn, you only get 50. Half off for Brooklyn.

–CVS, Harlem

Puerto Rican guy: Jesus loves you. I love you. I know you don’t want to listen to me. I know about your bunny rabbit… Will you be one of the 144,000 chosen?…On July 30th we will all come together. I will wear a kippa. But you know you have to accept the savior…There are 632,000 lords…I will stop talking to you now. The Flintstones told me not to.

–4 train

Overheard by: Matt F.

Posted on October 16, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Foreigners, Jesus, Old People, On the Subway, Store, Stupidity, Terrorism, Tourism

Wednesday One-Liners Remember elimiDATE Fondly

Man on cell: Yeah man, she is so not anyone that I would be willing to invest years in… I mean I don't want to have to spend my time actually working on it. I figured, hell, I kind of want to wake up next to someone a couple of days a week, so I might as well hang on through the summer. No, she has no idea…

–Columbus & 62nd St

Grad student: They have this symbiotic relationship in which he does all the eating and she does all the drinking.

–Columbia University

Woman to herself: God, I asked you for a good man; not a fucking joke!

–Spring & Hudson

Overheard by: Oscar Gamble

Firefighter to others: It's not that I have anything against commitment; I just like diversity.

–125th St Fairway

Overheard by: Just Shoppint

Man in shorts to another: I wouldn't date a girl with double vision, period.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Dr No-Eyes

Businesswoman to hobo: If you get back in the dating scene, I'll kill you.

–Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: Homeless guy must be hung

Posted on October 15, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Drinking & Drunk People, Firemen, Food, Gripes, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Insults, Men, Murder, On Cell, One-liners, Promiscuity, Relationships, Soho, Street, Students, Suits, The Village, Threats, Time, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires, Women

What Is Art? Are We Art? Are Wednesday One-Liners Art?

Older gay guy on cell: In the 60s, you didn't need to have passion or talent to be an artist; you just needed to have a van, because no one else was going to haul your shitty art around.

–7th Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: Miss C

Girl reading sign at Frank Lloyd Wright museum: Oh… He was an architect!

–Guggenheim Museum

Overheard by: Antartic

Mom to little girl: If you look at too much art in one day, you'll turn into a statue.

–MoMA

Guy on phone: Yeah, she said she didn't think I would want to go, but why the fuck not? I'll go to a fucking museum if I fucking want to. I'll look at some paintings and shit.

–Downtown Brooklyn

Overheard by: Mark McLaughlin

12-year-old boy, looking at Picasso paintings: This is totally my thing, man, it's like free porn.

–MoMA

Posted on October 13, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Arts & Letters, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Free stuff!, Girls, Guys, History & Geography, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Magic, MoMA, Moms, More museums, Old People, On Cell, Parents, Porn, Queer guys, Threats, Tweens, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

Who Let the Wednesday One-Liners Out?

Queer, to his German Shepherd: Steven, don’t play these mind games with me!

–23rd & 8th

Man, restraining his dog from following another dog across the street: C’mon, buddy. It wasn’t meant to be.

–6th St & 7th Ave, Park Slope

Woman dragging her dog away from another dog who is barking frantically: You know what? You’re just cuter than her. That’s why she’s so upset.

–Ditmars Blvd, Astoria

Overheard by: sara n.

Cop to his whining German Shepherd: Awww, what’s wrong baby? Did you see an asshole?

–West 4th Station

Posted on October 12, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Cops, Gay Man's Best Friend, Insults, Man's Best Friend, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Park Slope, Queer guys, Questions, The Village, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Litters

Little girl to mother: I don't wanna be a lawyer anymore, when I grow up I wanna be a cat!

–Chelsea

Woman to friend: I mean, he's just so anti-social! He has like 19 cats!

–Lafayette & Prince

Girl to friend: My cat is a flaming homosexual.

–34th & 5th

Girl: And so she says, "let's follow the cat!" So we do, and the cat leads us to a pile of heroin!

–Cafeteria, Barnard College

Posted on October 5, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Friends, Gay Man's Best Friend, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Heroin, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Moms, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Soho, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

All Wednesday One-Liners