We Can Spot Fake Wednesday One-Liners a Mile Away

Exasperated woman on phone: It's a phone interview! What does it matter what type of boobs I have?

–Office Building, 32nd & 7th

Overheard by: erkala

Girl, after guy accidentally hit her boob: Ow! You should be squeezing them, not hitting them!

–Toys R' Us, Times Square

Overheard by: Lotte

Upper West Side girl to friend: I hate that my boobs are so big! It completely ruins that skirt for me.

–Canal Street

Hobo: But I don't want to love my breasts!

–Ave B

Man on cell: So you're coming to New York? That's good. I called your mother, she said you're staying with some girl with big tits tonight.

–West 4th Street

Guy to another, while at lunch: I don't care if you think I live too fast and I'll be dead at 45. At least I'll die with a tittie in my mouth!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: sal b

Posted on March 26, 2020
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Body Parts, Bryant Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Death, Foreplay, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Height, Hobos, Men, Office, On Cell, Parents, Physical appearance, Questions, Rack, Sex, Store, Street, Stupidity, Times Square, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-liners: The Next Generation

Thug: I need a girl who’s responsible and don’t got no kids.

–40th & 5th

Dude: Are we talking about the truth now? The truth is that you’re scared that she’s going to take your son away from you!

–27th Street office

Black guy on cell: Yeah, it was actually all right. We were both circumcised.

–Union Square greenmarket

Overheard by: Lisa Ramaci

Posted on March 22, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Circumcision, Family Ties, Kids, Relationships, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Today, Wednesday One-Liner Is a Woman.

Girl on cell: It just… It's not like it sucks. (pause) It just sucks, ya know? I mean, I had my period this morning, and I just wanna get high.

–Borough of Manhattan Community College

Overheard by: 447ght

Customer, buying two packs of Kotex: Next time you order these, you should get the kind with deodorant. It really makes a difference!

–112th St & St. Nicholas

Guy on cell: Dude! Guys don't PMS!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: allie

Girl #1: I once made a Nativity from feminine products. (awkward silence) They weren't used, though…

–Barnard

Overheard by: Brooklyn

Posted on March 21, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Compare/Contrast, Customers, Drugs, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Menstruation, On Cell, One-liners, Port Authority, Religion, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

She Blinded Wednesday-One-Liners with Science

Teen thug: You know, if you put’em on hot they dry faster. On hot the clothes dry faster.

–Kingsland Ave & Jackson Ave., Willamsburg

Overheard by: confabulation nation

Hipster on cell: She thinks the entire world revolves around her. What is she, the sun?

–Union Square

Would-be physicist: Did you ever hear of magnetic repulsion? Because I swear to god that door has an eastern pole or something.

–Walgreens Drugstore, Union Square

Overheard by: kbot

Guy: So, you’ve dissected cats before?

–Lafayette & Centre St

Overheard by: Janelle

Loud chick: So I was looking on the Internet to learn more about our planet and biodiversity and shit, and there’s like five more extinctions supposed to happen! You know, like the dinosaurs and shit!

–Ray’s Pizza, E Houston

Overheard by: just visiting!

Soccer mom: He has had some really hard social studies stuff… Like why the seasons change and the how the earth moves around the sun.

–Warren Fields, Murray & West Side Highway

Overheard by: Soccer Nanny

Posted on March 7, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Science, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-liners Get on My Nerves

Guy: The people here are so friendly…It’s kind of annoying.

–PS 1, LIC

Posted on February 16, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Gripes, Guys, Museums, Stupidity

Wednesday Accidentally Leaves a Sponge in the One-Liner

Woman: I told him I wasn't opposed to dinner just because he's had a vasectomy.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Meister

Preppy guy: They took cartilage out of his ear and put it in my nose.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Ladle

UES woman: I'm going to get my nails done, then get a colonoscopy in Queens.

–89th and Park

Overheard by: AeC and jRw

Woman on phone: Well, of course I got it removed
*(pause)
Woman: It hurt like hell.

–Elevator in the Hudson Hotel

Guy on phone, Nnoz done: Hts okay – it's just routine anal surgery!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Tam

Posted on February 1, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Elevators, Food, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hotels, Medicine, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Preppies, Street, Surgery, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Aren’t a Tourist Attraction, Assholes

Chick to friend, standing silently for several minutes: You know, there really isn’t that much to see here.

–Ground Zero

Woman on cell: What about the Christmas cards with the twin towers surrounded by flowers? … Yeah. Kinda grim, huh?

–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Karyn Regal

Wannabe-hardcore bimbette: So, this is where it all went down, huh? Where the shit hit the fan…

–PATH station, WTC

Overheard by: WesTexMike

Tourist man to MTA lady: I want to go to that World Trade Center thing.

–14th St station

Tourist: Is this nine-eleven?

–Ground Zero

Overheard by: duplicity

Posted on January 23, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ground Zero, Tourism, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Enjoy Team Sports

20-something guy on BlackBerry: No, he's not gay. I was in a fivesome with him, but he's not gay.

–L Train

Girl to gay friend after walking into gay bar: Dude, either find me a straight boy or two Asians that will let me watch.

–NYC

Girl to guy friends: I mean, he's okay he had the threesome–the guy was his best friend!

–8th St & 5th Ave

Angry woman on phone: While you're out having orgies I am doing the real work!

–Victorian Flatbush

Pretentious professor type in academic tone: My ex had unrealistic fantasies. She used to dream about being fucked by God and Satan and the same time. How could I live up to that?

–NYU

Posted on January 9, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Dreams, Friends, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, God, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Kink, NYU, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Orgy, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Questions, Race, Satan, Sex, Sexuality, Street, Teachers/Professors, Three is Company, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners– As Far As You Know

Man on cell, coming out of The Dark Knight: I'm sorry that I couldn't pick up your call, I was in a very important meeting with a client.

–Lowes Movie Theater, 68th & Broadway

Guy on cell walking out of subway entrance: I'm getting on the subway now.

–Park Place & Church Street

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Female suit on cell: Well, I can't talk long, I'm about to get on a plane. Yeah, JFK.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: pop pop

Overweight woman to daughter in pink tutu: You made me come here! Don't lie! Don't lie! Don't lie!

–Ikea, Redhook

Overheard by: Emily B.

Annoying anchor: I'm writing a newscast. I don't have time to check facts.

–CBS News Headquarters, 57th St

Overheard by: The Shadow News Bunny

Posted on December 31, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Buildings, Fat People, Jobs & Careers, Lies, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Movie Theaters, Not New York, On Cell, Public Transportation, Store, Suits, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

Cigarettes & Alcohol Fuel Wednesday One-liners

Girl: Yeah, they totally weren’t always addictive. Like, they started putting drugs into cigarettes to make them addictive. Nicotine wasn’t even addictive a long time ago, it’s only recently they have made it that way by putting stuff into it.

–1 train

Overheard by: Nathan B

Posted on December 27, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Health and Hygiene, Idiots, On the Subway

All Wednesday One-Liners