Black comedy show promoter: Do you want to see a comedy show tonight?
Teenage white girl: Um…no.
Black promoter: Come on. Do you even like black people?
Teenage white girl, with huge smile on her face: Why yes! I love black people!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Haefster
Huge black guy #1: Oh man, they have a wonderful exfoliator. It's wonderful!
Huge black guy #2: Oh, yeah man. You know where we got to go? It's this place called lush!
–Time Warner Center
Large woman attempting to sit down: Y'all better slide down, cause my ass is wide!
–Downtown 4 Train
Overheard by: squished
Limping black hobo to preppy white male: Maaaaan…what's that got to do with wiping yo' ass?
–10th Ave b/w 50th & 51st
Middle aged man to daughter: Come on, let's go look for baby bottle butt!
–H Mart
Professor: I got excited because another man touched my ass in public!
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Haven't we all?
Seated man to mom letting her child run around restaurant: Your daughter just put her hand in my butt crack.
–Park Slope
20-something: Well, what are we going to do tonight if the movie is sold out?
Black comedy slinger, overhearing: See a comedy show!
20-something: No, that's okay.
Black comedy slinger: It's cool, I never killed anyone.
20-something: We're alright.
Black comedy slinger: And I love white people.
20-something: We're not tourists…
Black comedy slinger: Oh, okay. Want a piggyback ride?
–44th & Broadway
Overheard by: Robert B
High school girl to friend: All guys are either taken, jerks, butt-ugly, or gay!
Black lady next to them: Amen sister, amen.
–1 Train
Indian guy: No homo!
Black guy: Man, “no homo” is wrong. That's like a white person saying, “yo, word up?” and a black guy saying, “no negro!” (pause) Shit's fucked up.
–Columbia University
Black hipster to gangsta friend: Nigga, when I come here I feel like I'm surrounded by Jackie Chan.
Gangsta friend: My dick looks like Jackie Chan.
Black hipster: Man, why you always gotta talk about yo dick?
Gangsta friend: What are you nigga, a faggot?
–Chinatown
Professional-sounding female on cell in bathroom stall: What? (sounds of toilet paper roll) In the bathroom? No! (indignantly) I…I'm…near the bathroom!
–Women's Bathroom, FAO Schwartz
Overheard by: near the computer
Girl to friend in bathroom stall: That crack in the door is big enough for me to see the crack of 'yo ass.
–Women's Bathroom, Hunter College
Man exiting bathroom stall to waiting man: No, no, no. Feces.
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: matt
Black loud cleaning lady to Asian woman: Excuse me, miss? Why you gotta be leaving the seat up? You always leave the seat up! Putting the seat up is okay, but if you put it up, put it down!
–Ladies Room, LIRR
Overheard by: BK
Guy on cell in toilet stall: Now I am unbuckling my belt. (pause) Now I am unzipping my pants. (pause) Now I am pulling down my pants. (pause) Now I am pulling down my underwear. (pause) Now I am sitting down.
–Men's Room, Billy Elliott
Old guy peeing in a urinal, with childlike delight and glee: Wheeeee! Wheeeeeeeeee! Wooooooooooooo! Wheeeeeeeee!
–Men's Room, McDonald's
Flamboyant foreigner: I changed my MySpace to say I like girls.
–Washington Square Park
Suit on cell: I'm gonna twitter my fucking ass off tonight.
–City Hall
Overheard by: Samantha Sharifi
Girl on cell: Do they not have people in the US that follow the Blue Book? They have to get some guy from Oxford butt fuck to do it? It's so annoying. It's so annoying! Like, I want to take a strap on and fuck my computer. Well, not my computer, but the guy's computer, for having done this to me.
–11th St & 5th Ave
Middle aged African American woman to group of friends: I'm going on MySpace to comment that she abandoned her child!
–8th Ave & 42nd St
Businesswoman to friend: I just like having a family, you know? And you can't get that on Craigslist.
–33rd St.
Overheard by: Rio
High school girl with iPod: Do you think this church has Wi-Fi?
–St. Paul's Catholic Church
Angry bus driver: Get out of my rear. Get out of my rear.
–Q44 Bus
Overheard by: This is why men do not give birth
Law professor, pulling out a cough drop: Sorry guys, if I don't suck on this, I just won't make it.
–CUNY Law School
Overheard by: That's what she said
Chemistry teacher: No, it's really warm here. (pause) Feel my test-tube.
–Stuyvesant High School
Large black lady to girlfriend: I'm not gonna let him put his babbaganush in my peace pipe!
–Houston St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: ian has a face
Loud woman on cell: Yes, he stuck it up my right one, and when it was halfway in, I was like "ow, you need to take it out!" and then he stuck it up my left one, and I felt no discomfort!
–72nd & 2nd
Old lady to another: So is there an oral tradition in your family then?
–86th & Broadway
Overheard by: Frenchie
