Super short Hispanic thug: I told that bitch “I'm not scared of you, I'll beat you with my ham sandwich!”
Super short black thug: Fuck, yeah!
Super short Hispanic thug: Yeah, I'll beat that bitch with some mayonnaise, some ham, and a roll! I'm not scared of that bitch!
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by:
Perky volunteer selling candy: Hi! Would you like to buy a chocolate vagina?
Black woman: No, thank you, I already have my own chocolate vagina!
–V-Day Event, W 36th St
Overheard by: Rita
Black woman #1: Well, at least there's still that KFC.
Black woman #2: No, it's not there anymore!
Black woman #1: What? It's scary when there isn't even a KFC in a black neighborhood anymore.
–39th St & 8th Ave
Black woman: Girl, I be crazy!
Friend: I know!
Black woman: I mean, that nigga break up with me, and I just start in with the rip-rip-rip, and I tore up his clothes, and his furs, right?
Friend: Right!
Black woman: And then he come home, and that nigga be cryin'! And I'm like, “No furs, no car, no nothin! You thought it was over? Now it's over!”
Friend: Yeah!
Black woman: And he can't do nothin' to me–I'll have his ass thrown in jail, you know. And then get him ass-raped.
Friend: What?
Black woman: Yeah, my dad's in prison. How about that, nigga? I put your ass in jail, then I get you ass-raped!
Friend: You are one crazy bitch!
Black woman: You know it! All right honey, here's the subway, gotta go, love you!
–4 Train
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Black guy wearing North Face: Listen up, people! I'ma need some money to buy a coat, cuz it's freezin out there! This coat that I'm wearin' ain't mine, it's my friend's. So I'ma need some money to buy a coat…yo, what stop is this?
Asian kid: Times Square.
Black guy: Okay…if you want to donate, you can't. Cause I gotta go, man.
–1 Train
Black woman with baby, after being pushed by white woman entering crowded subway: Do you not see the baby?
White woman: Yes, I saw the baby!
Black woman: No, you didn't, because you were pushing your titties on the baby!
(white woman ignores her)
Black woman to man next to her: You! Get yo ass out of my baby's face!
–F Train
Overheard by: What's a sombrero?
Girl ordering patties: I'd like a beef and a veggie patty.
Guy working at patty shop: Before I get those, I want to say you are beautiful. I bet you've heard that five times today.
Girl: Oh, thanks, I've just been working out for an hour. Well, I've been doing yoga.
Guy: Yoga? But you're black!
Girl: Black people do yoga, too!
–Jamaican Pride, Flatbush
Overheard by: Chris R.
White dude to black friend: Do you want to see my meat?
Asian dude, to no one in particular: You know, the stereotype isn't true. It isn't true!
Flustered party hostess: This is so not what I need to hear right now.
–W 11th St
White man: You going to church too?
Black woman: Yes.
White man: You know, I just started crying last week at service. It is so powerful.
Black woman: I know.
White man: I mean, our next President will be the last President before the Antichrist comes. Are you ready to be saved?
–Foster Ave & Marlborough Rd, Brooklyn
Cashier to black man coming in with brochures and clipboard: Sir, we don't allow soliciting in here.
Black solicitor: I ain't Sicilian!
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Holly
