Wednesday Hold-on-There's-Someone-on-the-Other-Liners

60-year-old man on cell: I want you to do a big fave for me, okay? Call my aunt's house. If my aunt picks up, hang up.

–B4 Bus

Overheard by: Victoria Tarasova

Dude on cell: No, it's okay, my cellphone is attached to my hand. It's part of my hand!

–Restaurant Bathroom, 7th Ave

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

NYU guy on cell, snottily: No wait, wait… Is it full because you keep leaving them for me and I never bother to listen? (pause) Voicemail is a dead technology, dad.

–Bus

Overheard by: liz

Woman on crutches: People think I'm talking on one of those Bluetooth-headphone-cell phones. Nah. I'm just talking to myself. Pfft! I ain't got no cell phone! I just talk to myself! That's right!

–Food Stamp Office, 14th St

Overheard by: Erica Schreiner

African American man on cell: I gotta go. I got Richard Simmons on the other line.

–30th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: mike v

Posted on August 27, 2019
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Bus, Cell Phone, Family Ties, Fitness, Guys, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Office, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Retards & Handicaps, Students, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

The Riddle of the Sphincter: Solved

Teen boy: I don’t see how a gay boy’s booty just expands like that.
Queer bystander: Actually, it doesn’t expand — it rips.
Teen boy: Oh, thanks. I needed that.

–G train

Overheard by:

Posted on August 26, 2019
Asshole, Backdoor, Body Parts, On the Subway, Private Parts, Queer guys, Queers, Sex, Sexuality, Teens

That's Exactly How I Feel About Parties at Andy Dick's House.

Woman #1: Giving my boyfriend a blowjob always seems like it would be hot, sexy fun until I have his dick in my mouth.
Woman #2: Yeah, I know what you mean.

–Park Ave

Posted on August 8, 2019
BJs, Body Parts, Penis, Street, Women

Cats Often Make Terrible Pets

Man: That’s what she told me.
Woman: Wow! You know so much about a woman’s cervix now!
Man: Yeah…She bit my neck the other night.
Woman: What?
Man: Yeah…I, like….she drinks a lot.

–Washington Square South & Thompson

Overheard by: Renee B.

Posted on August 7, 2019
Body Parts, Dating, Drinking & Drunk People, Manhattan, Relationships, Sex, Sex & Relationships, The Village

No-Legged Hobos: “We Feel Sorry for Staten Islanders”

Girl #1: No one likes him… I feel bad for him.
Girl #2: I feel bad for the homeless people in the city who have no legs.

–Staten Island Mall

Posted on July 23, 2019
Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Homeless, Malls, Staten Island

Yeah, My Giant Penis Piercing May Have Been a Mistake

Guy in crowd: Don't touch me!
Friend: Dude, maybe you shouldn't say that here.
Guy: No, I mean you–you're the one who peed on your hands.

–All Points West Ferry Line

Posted on July 21, 2019
Body Parts, Cleanliness, Ferry, Friends, Guys, Pee

Nuts for Wednesday One-liners

Chris Noth: I talked to her for 10 minutes and figured out she was crazy.

–15th & Irving

Overheard by: Ameha Beyene

Posted on July 8, 2019
Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Celebrities Overheard, Crazies, Man's Best Friend, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Relationships, Sex & Relationships, Stupidity, Upper East Side, Violence, We Love Our Pets

How Many Weight Watchers Points Are in a Wednesday One-Liner?

Young man: You're fat because you need to release. Look at me, that's why I'm slim and sexy. I beat off every day.

–Prospect Heights, Brooklyn

Salesgirl to salesgirl friend: I wanna thank you for taking the time to repeatedly hit me in my arm fat and make it jiggle.

–Henri Bendel

Overheard by: Stephan Dion

Professor to class of girls: You guys are all thin (looks around classroom and notices there are some fat girls) …mostly.

–Fashion Institute of Technology

Suit to another: All I'm trying to say is, she's not tall enough for her weight.

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: ednapontellier

Black girl: Fat people can do splits because they have no bones.

–Pizza Place, St. Mark's Place

Five-year-old to very overweight man while waiting for Thanksgiving Day parade: Are you one of the balloons?

–Broadway & 50th St

Overheard by: Peter

Posted on July 5, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Clerks, College, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Fitness, Friends, Girls, Height, Kids, Masturbation, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Store, Students, Stupidity, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Google It

Guy #1: It’s witch-tit cold out here.
Guy #2: “Witch-tit cold”? What the fuck is that?
Guy #1: It’s like “cold as a witch’s teat”, but updated for the 21st century.

–11th between 1st & A

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Posted on July 4, 2019
Body Parts, Manhattan, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village

NewsFlash: New Yorker Has Car. Film at 11.

Bro #1: Hey man, you alright?
Bro #2: (vomits in corner)
Bro #1: You good to drive?
Bro #2, slurring: Yeah…
Bro #1: You got some shit on your chin! (makes wiping motion)

–East Village

Overheard by: arf

Posted on July 2, 2019
Body Parts, Cars and Driving, Drinking & Drunk People, Guys, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Vomit

Body Parts