Wednesday One-Liners Go Bump in the Night

College girl looking for a costume: I want to be a bumblebee–but not a slutty bumblebee!

–Ricky's, Near Columbia

Overheard by: M

Suit on cell: Just put a paper bag over your head and you can be that guy! You're the paper bag guy!

–Sheepshead Bay Road (on Halloween)

Young child to mother, after walking by a large group of people in zombie make-up: Mommy, that homeless man said he wanted to eat brains!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Blair

Girl in Supergirl costume, yelling on cell: I'm so sick of walking. (pause) I said I'm fucking sick of walking! (pause) I'm just dressed like Supergirl, you asshole, I can't *actually* fly!

–E 20th, Stuyvesant Town

Loud young Latina on Halloween: I wanted to be a hooker today, but I couldn't afford the costume.

–Troutman & Knickerbocker, Bushwick

Girl to another (dressed as Wilma Flintstone the morning after Halloween): Man, the Halloween walk of shame is the worst!

–33rd & 3rd

Posted on December 3, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Clothing, Columbia University, Girls, Homeless, Insults, Kids, Latinos, Lower East Side, Moms, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Physical appearance, Prostitution, Store, Street, Students, Stupidity, Stuyvesant Town, Suits, Threats, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

You're a Good Friend, Al

Guy #1: God, I'm tired.
Guy #2: Do you want me to punch you in the head or something?

–6th & Martin

Posted on December 2, 2008
Body Parts, Guys, Punch, Street, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Smart Money Says She's Not the First Child

Little girl (holding stomach and hunched over in pain): Owwww, my belly!
Dad, calmly: Now, Rebeca, don't be overdramatic. You are very fine.

–Central Park Zoo

Posted on December 1, 2008
Body Parts, Central Park, Dads, Family Ties, Kids

Then What's That Kit-Kat Jingle About?

Child (walking up stairs out of subway station): Can I take a break? Let's take a break here.
Mother: No.
Child: But my legs hurt, I need to take a break.
Mother: There are no breaks in life.

–Lorimer St. L Station

Posted on December 1, 2008
Body Parts, Comebacks, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Moms, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Weirdness

That Was the Night I Became a Man

Guy #1: Getting old is not cool, man. I walked in on my mom in the shower once, it was gross…her boobs go down to her fucking knees.
Guy #2: No, they don't.
Guy #1: Yeah, what the fuck do you know?
(pause)
Guy #2: So, remember that party where she got drunk and smoked that salvia?

–14th St

Posted on November 30, 2008
Age/Aging, Body Parts, Celebrations/Parties, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Family Ties, Guys, Insults, Physical appearance, Rack, Street, Weirdness

“Wednesday One-Liners” by Mennen

45-year-old woman: So I ended up shaving it, and it looks so pretty! It's like I'm ten years old again!

–Houlihans Restaurant

Overheard by: remembers when she was ten years old

Girl on cell: Wait. The dad shaves the son's ass?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Guy in shower to guy in the next: Man, I am never shaving my pubes again.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: traPt

Guy with a bunch of tattoos: The sex was great, but she was psychotic. Every time I shaved she would accuse me of having had oral sex with another woman.

–86th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Alan

British woman on cell: Are you shaving? Your face or your balls?

–13th & Broadway

Overheard by: Just around

Posted on November 26, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Beauty, BJs, Body Parts, Brits, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crazy, Family Ties, Girls, Hair, On Cell, Physical appearance, Private Parts, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Street, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Waxing, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Hershey's Wednesday One-Liners

Drunken guy to stoned guy: I would kiss you, but you might remember.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Lo

Girl: And so he's like, "I kissed you on the mouth last night", and I'm like "oh really? I didn't know."

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: jaytro

Dude on cell: Yeah, bro, leave it to me. I decide to cheat on my wife and I end with some stupid whore who wants to play kissie-face in a fucking Newark parking lot.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: AdHoculi

Cute girl approaches frat boy at bar: I was going to pretend I don't know you, but I do know you, and now I think I want to kiss you. Is that okay?

–Clinton & Montague, Brooklyn Heights

Latina girl on cell: Well, my cousin died two years ago, right, and on the one-year anniversary that's when I kissed him.

–Outside Victoria Fashions, 116th & 3rd

Overheard by: Chuckles

Older German woman with accent: So when she was little she used to take a bunch of sleeping pills and lay on the floor, and she wouldn't get up until someone kissed her! It was so cute!

–1 Train

Overheard by: EthanK

Posted on November 26, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Columbia University, Death, Drunks, Family Ties, Foreigners, Frat Boys, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Infidelity, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Latinos, Marriage, Old People, On Cell, Parks, Penn Station, Pick-up Lines, Stoners, Store, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

And We'd Be a Couple of Lost Soles

Stoner preteen #1: I wonder if we could travel to the sun.
Stoner preteen #2: Yeah, dude. I wonder what would happen if we stood on it.
Stoner preteen #1: Our feet would totally burn.

–R Train

Posted on November 23, 2008
Body Parts, Dreams, On the Subway, Stoners, Travel, Tweens

The Hardy Boys Were Called in to Investigate

White lady reading gossip magazine: Will you all be quiet? I wanna read about Madonna's age mystery!
Black hipster girl: Look at that bitch's hands! Case closed.

–2 Train

Overheard by: not from these parts

Posted on November 22, 2008
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, Black People, Body Parts, Girls, Gossip, Hipsters, On the Subway, Physical appearance, White People, Women

Body Parts