College bro-dude #1: Man, I really fucked up my arm.
College bro-dude #2: Yeah. You need to get an x-ray.
College bro-dude #1: Man, I knew I shouldn't have fucked a fat chick.
–Clark St, Brooklyn
College bro-dude #1: Man, I really fucked up my arm.
College bro-dude #2: Yeah. You need to get an x-ray.
College bro-dude #1: Man, I knew I shouldn't have fucked a fat chick.
–Clark St, Brooklyn
Security guard to another: I know it's habitual to act retarded.
–Time Warner Security Check
Overheard by: spandangle
Security guard: The door's that way, people. I know that when you see a door you want to go through it–it's human nature.
–Crown Plaza Hotel, Times Square
Overheard by: GJL
Female security guard: What does my sexual genitalia have to do with it?
–Brooklyn Library
Little boy: Mommy, mommy, look! They've got security guards! Must be a rich people place.
–86th & Brooklyn
Security guard, after metal detector beeps: Ma'am, would you please remove your wooden bracelet and walk back through the metal detector again?
–Liberty Island
Overheard by: heather linford
Crazy security guard: I have so much gas. I'm going to take all my gas and send it to Iraq and end the war. (gets distracted by a girl walking past with an ice cream cone) Hey, you're stomach's gonna freeze!
–NYU Dorm
Overheard by: Honest Truth
Chick, pointing to mole on friend's arm: Hey, so how's that cancer going for you?
Friend: Oh my god! It's developing!
–St. John's University, Queens
College girl looking for a costume: I want to be a bumblebee–but not a slutty bumblebee!
–Ricky's, Near Columbia
Overheard by: M
Suit on cell: Just put a paper bag over your head and you can be that guy! You're the paper bag guy!
–Sheepshead Bay Road (on Halloween)
Young child to mother, after walking by a large group of people in zombie make-up: Mommy, that homeless man said he wanted to eat brains!
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Blair
Girl in Supergirl costume, yelling on cell: I'm so sick of walking. (pause) I said I'm fucking sick of walking! (pause) I'm just dressed like Supergirl, you asshole, I can't *actually* fly!
–E 20th, Stuyvesant Town
Loud young Latina on Halloween: I wanted to be a hooker today, but I couldn't afford the costume.
–Troutman & Knickerbocker, Bushwick
Girl to another (dressed as Wilma Flintstone the morning after Halloween): Man, the Halloween walk of shame is the worst!
–33rd & 3rd
Guy #1: God, I'm tired.
Guy #2: Do you want me to punch you in the head or something?
–6th & Martin
Little girl (holding stomach and hunched over in pain): Owwww, my belly!
Dad, calmly: Now, Rebeca, don't be overdramatic. You are very fine.
–Central Park Zoo
Child (walking up stairs out of subway station): Can I take a break? Let's take a break here.
Mother: No.
Child: But my legs hurt, I need to take a break.
Mother: There are no breaks in life.
–Lorimer St. L Station
Guy #1: Getting old is not cool, man. I walked in on my mom in the shower once, it was gross…her boobs go down to her fucking knees.
Guy #2: No, they don't.
Guy #1: Yeah, what the fuck do you know?
(pause)
Guy #2: So, remember that party where she got drunk and smoked that salvia?
–14th St
45-year-old woman: So I ended up shaving it, and it looks so pretty! It's like I'm ten years old again!
–Houlihans Restaurant
Overheard by: remembers when she was ten years old
Girl on cell: Wait. The dad shaves the son's ass?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: McFreaky
Guy in shower to guy in the next: Man, I am never shaving my pubes again.
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: traPt
Guy with a bunch of tattoos: The sex was great, but she was psychotic. Every time I shaved she would accuse me of having had oral sex with another woman.
–86th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Alan
British woman on cell: Are you shaving? Your face or your balls?
–13th & Broadway
Overheard by: Just around
Drunken guy to stoned guy: I would kiss you, but you might remember.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Lo
Girl: And so he's like, "I kissed you on the mouth last night", and I'm like "oh really? I didn't know."
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: jaytro
Dude on cell: Yeah, bro, leave it to me. I decide to cheat on my wife and I end with some stupid whore who wants to play kissie-face in a fucking Newark parking lot.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: AdHoculi
Cute girl approaches frat boy at bar: I was going to pretend I don't know you, but I do know you, and now I think I want to kiss you. Is that okay?
–Clinton & Montague, Brooklyn Heights
Latina girl on cell: Well, my cousin died two years ago, right, and on the one-year anniversary that's when I kissed him.
–Outside Victoria Fashions, 116th & 3rd
Overheard by: Chuckles
Older German woman with accent: So when she was little she used to take a bunch of sleeping pills and lay on the floor, and she wouldn't get up until someone kissed her! It was so cute!
–1 Train
Overheard by: EthanK
