Very drunk African American guy to sober white guy: Yo, Wesley Snipes! You got any change?
Sober white guy: First of all, I'm not Wesley Snipes…
–Fulton Mall, Brooklyn
Very drunk African American guy to sober white guy: Yo, Wesley Snipes! You got any change?
Sober white guy: First of all, I'm not Wesley Snipes…
–Fulton Mall, Brooklyn
Little boy #1: I had a fight!
Little boy #2 (clearly impressed): You did? Who did you fight?
Little boy #1, gesturing at toddler in stroller: Her.
Little boy #2 (scornfully): You didn't fight her! You bit her!
–Laundromat, Brooklyn
Overheard by: little o
Intercom: Que?
UPS guy: UPS.
Intercom: Que?
UPS guy: UPS.
Intercom: Que?
UPS guy: U. P. S.
Intercom: Que?
* (I am not kidding…this went on for about 3 minutes.)
–Prospect Heights
Overheard by: Stacey duda
Postal worker to another: Oh, no, don't worry. You do what you want. It is impossible for them to fire you, girl.
–Tompkins Square Park
Mr. Big, sarcastically on cell: Is there anything else that I can do for you, honey, while I'm out making a living?
–First Class Cabin, American Airlines
Overheard by: Frequent Flyer
Scruffy drunk hipster guy to frumpy drunk hipster girl: That's how girls touch me… at work.
–Cobble Hill Brooklyn
Guy on cell: I really need to give up drugs cause, like, no one will hire me. I'm gonna wait a few weeks and try to get a job at Food Emporium.
–Astor Place
20-something girl to another: See, the thing with sweatshops is, at least they have jobs.
–Chelsea
Overheard by: arielle
Well-dressed gay man to another: Doesn't she know the best part of her job is going through the OfficeMax catalogue to order matching office supplies? That should be the highlight of anyone's day!
–E Train
Overheard by: lk
Lady to another: I'm waxing my crotch whether he likes it or not!
–52nd & Madison
Overheard by: someguyslikethejungle
Preteen: Yo, she bit Mark's crotch!
–66th & Broadway
Overheard by: dan
Girl to another: I don't think he'd like your stiletto heel in his actual crotch. Oh, now your twat is all over the place.
–Olivebridge
Man on cell, noticing, "The Big Penis Book": Hey, I'm at this bookstore and they have this big book of penises… Oh, you have it already? The big book, with the pink cover and crotch on the front? Oh, okay, cool.
–Bookstore, Brookyln
Bimbo: Crotches are always wrong!
–American Apparel Store
British bitch on cell: I’m surrounded by fucking morons who probably struggled through the NYC school system. We all know New Yorkers are the dumbest. They can’t even read. They haven’t had a Latin education and they probably can’t even speak another language…I didn’t want to get a limo to take to the fuckin’ ghettos of Brooklyn. I didn’t want to take a cab because these uneducated people don’t understand directions. I didn’t want to spend $30 and not get to the right place…Please make sure my car gets fixed. I’ve been reduced to the humiliation of taking public transportation. Now the second part of my fucking nightmare begins. I have to take the subway! I’m dressed like a commoner. I didn’t want to wear a $5000 Chanel suit on a seat that hasn’t been cleaned…She’s letting us borrow her castle for our wedding. If they can’t afford to be there, they obviously don’t deserve to come.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Christine
Man pushing stroller: Do we have a bottle?
Bitchy wife: No, we have my breasts.
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Aaron Padwee
Headline by: Danny
Runners-Up:
· “I Can’t Beat You With Those” – Digeridude
· “I Meant for the Baby.” – thisdaydreamer
· “Shall I Preheat Them For You?” – Mike Curry
· “They’re in the Diaper Bag” – Bri
· “Well Pop a Top, Beeyotch!” – Pozo
Guy #1: Hey, where did you find this eraser?
Guy #2: On that table over there.
Guy #1: Eww, it might have semen on it!
–Polytechnic University, Brooklyn
Hobo: So I beat her ass good! I told her, don’t you ever say you’ll leave me!…Hey man, you got an extra cigarette?
Suit: Nope, last one.
Hobo: Come on, man, why can’t we all love each other in unity? It don’t cost much.
–Brooklyn Heights
Woman: I don't mean to be mean, but you know, kids who are… underdeveloped mentally?
Man: Oh, retards?
Woman, relieved: Yeah!
–Downtown Brooklyn
Overheard by: Myrtle&Carlton
