Brooklyn

Postal worker to another: Oh, no, don't worry. You do what you want. It is impossible for them to fire you, girl.

–Tompkins Square Park

Mr. Big, sarcastically on cell: Is there anything else that I can do for you, honey, while I'm out making a living?

–First Class Cabin, American Airlines

Overheard by: Frequent Flyer

Scruffy drunk hipster guy to frumpy drunk hipster girl: That's how girls touch me… at work.

–Cobble Hill Brooklyn

Guy on cell: I really need to give up drugs cause, like, no one will hire me. I'm gonna wait a few weeks and try to get a job at Food Emporium.

–Astor Place

20-something girl to another: See, the thing with sweatshops is, at least they have jobs.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: arielle

Well-dressed gay man to another: Doesn't she know the best part of her job is going through the OfficeMax catalogue to order matching office supplies? That should be the highlight of anyone's day!

–E Train

Overheard by: lk

Lady to another: I'm waxing my crotch whether he likes it or not!

–52nd & Madison

Overheard by: someguyslikethejungle

Preteen: Yo, she bit Mark's crotch!

–66th & Broadway

Overheard by: dan

Girl to another: I don't think he'd like your stiletto heel in his actual crotch. Oh, now your twat is all over the place.

–Olivebridge

Man on cell, noticing, "The Big Penis Book": Hey, I'm at this bookstore and they have this big book of penises… Oh, you have it already? The big book, with the pink cover and crotch on the front? Oh, okay, cool.

–Bookstore, Brookyln

Bimbo: Crotches are always wrong!

–American Apparel Store

British bitch on cell: I’m surrounded by fucking morons who probably struggled through the NYC school system. We all know New Yorkers are the dumbest. They can’t even read. They haven’t had a Latin education and they probably can’t even speak another language…I didn’t want to get a limo to take to the fuckin’ ghettos of Brooklyn. I didn’t want to take a cab because these uneducated people don’t understand directions. I didn’t want to spend $30 and not get to the right place…Please make sure my car gets fixed. I’ve been reduced to the humiliation of taking public transportation. Now the second part of my fucking nightmare begins. I have to take the subway! I’m dressed like a commoner. I didn’t want to wear a $5000 Chanel suit on a seat that hasn’t been cleaned…She’s letting us borrow her castle for our wedding. If they can’t afford to be there, they obviously don’t deserve to come.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Christine

Man pushing stroller: Do we have a bottle?
Bitchy wife: No, we have my breasts.

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Aaron Padwee

Headline by: Danny

Runners-Up:
· “I Can’t Beat You With Those” – Digeridude
· “I Meant for the Baby.” – thisdaydreamer
· “Shall I Preheat Them For You?” – Mike Curry
· “They’re in the Diaper Bag” – Bri
· “Well Pop a Top, Beeyotch!” – Pozo

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Guy #1: Hey, where did you find this eraser?
Guy #2: On that table over there.
Guy #1: Eww, it might have semen on it!

–Polytechnic University, Brooklyn

Hobo: So I beat her ass good! I told her, don’t you ever say you’ll leave me!…Hey man, you got an extra cigarette?
Suit: Nope, last one.
Hobo: Come on, man, why can’t we all love each other in unity? It don’t cost much.

–Brooklyn Heights

Woman: I don't mean to be mean, but you know, kids who are… underdeveloped mentally?
Man: Oh, retards?
Woman, relieved: Yeah!

–Downtown Brooklyn

Overheard by: Myrtle&Carlton

Ghetto guy herding large group of rowdy kids off train: Scuse me, scuse me, scuse me! Lotta kids, they all ain't mine!

–C Train

Overheard by: Julie S.

Professional woman on cell: I mean, she said she'd finally come to the place where she realizes her kids are shit, and she can just wash her hands off the whole situation and be done with it!

–40th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Rachel

Receptionist to UPS guy: Shit, I got five kids, and they're all bad.

–6th Ave & 47th

Overheard by: thanks mom

Angry woman, yelling on phone: Nigga, don't give me that "parenting role" shit!

–Flatbush Ave & Park Place, Brooklyn

Concerned mother: He's not even potty-trained, all he does is eat the toilet paper.

–University Pl & 8th St

Overheard by: Justin

Confused tourist: Excuse me, can you help us? We're trying to get to New York.
New Yorker: You are in New York.
Confused tourist: I'm sorry, I meant New York City.

–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Outraged Brooklynite

Girl: I feel like sex shouldn't have to involve major home reconstruction.
Guy: It shouldn't, but it does.

–Grand Army Plaza, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Hunter