Wednesday One-Liners Heart Meerkats

Pretty 20-something girl: I might reconsider if there is a horse involved.

–Manhattan Beach

Overheard by: The Tutors

Girl to friend: Look at sociology. Look at the animals. That totally explains it. It is just like the animals, sociology explains everything.

–West 4th & Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Darci

Woman to man: Because I'd really like to understand what makes a good toreador and what makes a bad toreador.

–70th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Lisa B.

Girl who was just handed an anti-bird-porn flyer: I have never even seen birds mating. Now I am intrigued.

–Hair Rush Line Central Park

Overheard by: Krysta

Pet store clerk to customer: I don't know what flavor it is. It's turtle food. It's what they eat.

–Flushing Petland Discount

Park janitor to pigeons: I need all's you guys to be flappin' yo' wings and help me be cleanin' up these leaves. (pigeons coo, janitor starts cooing with them)

–Clinton & Congress, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Was a good impression

Posted on March 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Birds, Brooklyn, Central Park, Cleanliness, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Food, Girls, Offers and requests, Queens, Science, Sexuality, Upper East Side, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners: The Final Frontier

Crazy man dressed like a King: Everyone, I just bought the sun! So if you don't mind, I'd like a hundred dollars an hour if you're using my sunlight.

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

MTA track worker to another: Why does everybody wanna die tonight, Eric? Is there a full moon or something?

–49th St Station

Overheard by: Jon A.

Man talking to himself on imaginary cellphone: There will never be peace until the planet explodes. Then there will be peace. (pause) Yes, I took my medication today.

–R Train

Overheard by: Matt Giella

Guy in line for a play: I don't take my sunglasses off because the sun never sets on a badass

–41st & 7th

Overheard by: clara

Teen thug to another: He said he likes sunsets. Who says he likes sunsets?

–Macon & Marcy, Brooklyn

Overheard by: g

Co-ed: And Galileo's like, "Saturn has rings!" And Kepler's like, "Oh my god, really?" And Galileo's like, "Ya, really!"

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on March 11, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Central Park, Coworkers, Crazies, Crazy, Death, Girls, Guys, History & Geography, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions, Science, Teens, Thugs, Weirdness, Words

Saffron But Deadly

Guy #1: Have you ever farted inside a piece of public art before?
Guy #2: Yes. I used to fart in the Arch all the time.
Guy #1: Oh…well, then, have you ever farted in a piece of public art by Jeanne-Claude and Christo?

–The Gates

Posted on March 1, 2015
Arts & Letters, Central Park, Farting & Burping, Guys

And the Wet Look Went Out in the 80's

Ditz, talking about shoes: They used to be so white… It makes me sad.
Friend: Try soaking them in soapy water.
Ditz: But then they'd be all wet!

–Central Park

Posted on February 28, 2015
Advice, Central Park, Cleanliness, Colors, Fashionistas, Friends, Shoes, Stupidity

Ad: Have Some MSG, Not an STD!

Girl #1: Oh my god! That condom wrapper says “oriental flavor.” What does that even mean?
Girl #2, looking at litter: I think that's a Ramon noodle seasoning pouch.

–Central Park

Posted on February 26, 2015
Central Park, Condoms, Food, Girls, Sensory Experiences, Stupidity

Son, No Wedding Is Ever About the Boy

Mother: Look! A wedding! They are taking pictures for it.
Son: A girl is marrying a girl?
Mother: No.
Son: Where's the boy?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Dan

Posted on February 22, 2015
Central Park, Kids, Marriage, Moms, Pictures, Questions

Wednesday One-Liners Feel Pretty and Witty and Gay

Flamboyantly gay guy to gay friends: Why do I have to be the queen? Why can’t I just be regular?!

–Christopher Street

Overheard by: JMcheer

Queer to another: I just want to bury my face in his ass!

–67th & Park Ave

Gay guy on cell: Oooh! I love playing straight!

–1st Ave, East Village

Overheard by: B

Stressed gay worker: They always skip over my lunch break. Everyone else gets their lunch breaks but they always skip over mine. Ugh. Guys, I’m gonna take my 15 minutes. I’m taking my 15 minutes. I close tonight… Ugh, this is not the road to success! (storms off)

–H&M Store

Overheard by: nyu kid

Queer to boyfriend: You know Romy and Michelle? I love that movie… That movie made me gay.

–Restaurant, 19th & 8th

Overheard by: batou187

Queer on cell: I know… I know! Gosh, that is sooo gay!
(bewildered elderly lady looks at him)
Queer to elderly lady (in shrieking voice): Oh my god, oh my god, the faggot said gay!

–Central Park

Posted on February 20, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Boyfriends, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Coworkers, Eating Out, Gays and Lesbians, Gripes, Movies, Office politics, On Cell, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Store, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, West Village, Wishes & desires, Words

So It’s About to Rain?

(first nice Saturday of the year)
Thug #1 (using branch as hiking stick): Man, this weather is beautiful. This is like, weather that I dream about.
Thug #2: Yeah, but now my balls is itchin.

–Central Park

Posted on February 17, 2015
Balls, Central Park, Compliments, Default, Gripes, Sensory Experiences, Thugs, Weather

… Or a Swift Punch in the Mouth? Choose Wisely.

Guy: I’ll buy M&Ms.
Kid selling candy: Two dollars.
Guy: So, what year are you in school, bro?
Kid selling candy: Two dollars.
Guy: Do you like school? Are you doing well?
Kid selling candy: [Silence.]Guy: Well, when I was your age, I didn’t like school either, but just hang in there. Look at me — I worked hard and got to play college football.
Kid selling candy: Do you want the M&Ms?

–Sheep Meadow

Posted on February 17, 2015
Central Park, Comebacks, Default, Guys, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Talking/Convos, Vendors & Street Performers

Much Wiser Not to Argue It

Cashier: I’m sorry, but weren’t you in that movie? With Kevin Costner?
Joan Allen: Yes, The Upside of Anger. Thanks.
Cashier: I knew it was you! Last time you was in here I kept staring ’cause I knew it was you — remember, I was staring at you? You was so good in that!
Joan Allen: Oh, thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it [pays and leaves].
Cashier to next lady in line: Yeah, last time she was in here I stared at her forever — she must have thought I was crazy.
Lady in line: What movie was she in?
Cashier: ‘The Other Side… of the Angel,’ with Kevin Costner! She was that lady!
Lady in line: I never saw that movie. I thought she was on Lost. I thought she was the lady on Lost — you know, the teacher.
Cashier: Nah, she was in that movie! ‘The Other Side of the Angel.’
Lady in line: The Upside of Anger?
Cashier: No! It’s called ‘The Other Side of the Angel,’ look it up!
Lady in line: Oh. Never seen it.

–Duane Reade, 94th & Broadway

Overheard by: Caro

Posted on February 14, 2015
A-List, Cashiers, Central Park, Movies