Older yenta: What is she, anyway?
Younger yenta: Jehovah’s witness.
Older yenta: So that’s her problem!
–PATH
Older yenta: What is she, anyway?
Younger yenta: Jehovah’s witness.
Older yenta: So that’s her problem!
–PATH
Old, grumpy man: Where is the express line?
Woman: Right here.
[Old, grumpy man attempts to cut the line.]Woman: I don’t know if you can see it, but the back of the line is all the way over there!
Old, grumpy man: But I’m a Christian!
–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: David Sanchez
Sassy gay guy: Have you seen how ghetto the Upper East Side has gotten?
Girl in yoga clothes: Um.
Sassy gay guy: And everyone is a bitch. A freakin’ nun pushed me out of her way one time.
Girl in yoga clothes: Ha! Really?!
Sassy gay guy: Yes mam! [Snaps his fingers.] So I pushed her all the way down, girl. Whatever. I don’t care. I’m not Catholic!
–50th & Broadway
20-something girl: … And then he drank the holy water, wait, no. I drank the holy water, and he got sick, but I didn’t.
20-something guy: Did it cure your gout?
20-something girl, angrily: I don’t have the gout!
–Crowded Elevator, Atlantic Ave Station, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Tigertail
Crazy church lady into microphone: There are no drugs, sex, or rock n’ roll in hell. Repent and have your fill in heaven.
–42nd & 6th Subway Station
Overheard by: Tony
Train "preacher" holding his bible: Adam was the first black man! And Eve was the first white woman! And Adam sinned and got them kicked out of the Garden of Eden. Then they had a whole lot of brown babies! But they set the stage for black men and white women. That’s why you have Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton running for President today! It’s in the bible!
–2 Train
Preacher: We’ve got a lot of tourists here today and we know why you came -you want to see a black gospel church. And that’s okay, that’s okay! That’s what we are. And you know, some of our members, they do it tough. Why, they come from such rough neighbourhoods as Connecticut and upstate New York …
–Abyssinian Baptist Church, Harlem
Bible thumper: You need a ticket to get on the heaven-bound train! And the ticket is Jesus Christ.
–3 Train
Street preacher: … And what is good for the goose is good for the gander! And what is a gander, anyway?
–St Mark’s Place
Overheard by: EthanK
Six-year-old girl, after careful consideration: Oh, well. That’s Ok. A baby is almost as much fun as a trampoline.
–Sidewalk Cafe
Guy to friend at 1 AM on a Thursday: Hey, I have an idea -let’s talk about how Dan fucked my ex-girlfriend! That’ll be fun, that’s a good story!
–PATH Train to Hoboken
Overheard by: Katie
Cali girl, to her roommate: We need to be more like coke whores but, like, without the coke, and not the whore part, but just like, opulent and fun.
–133rd & Frederick Douglass
Overheard by: Nathalie
Guy on cell: But, mother, maybe she wants to have fun for a couple of years before she becomes a nun.
–Midtown
Overheard by: Killer
20-something woman on cell: When I left my mom just now she said, ‘Have fun gay-tripping in California.’ Uhmmmmm?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: McF
Middle aged babysitter corralling flock of young children down the street: This should be fun… How come it isn’t? Anybody got any ideas?
–18th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Dave
Guy #1: The Jehovah Witnesses say the world is ending and the good will inherit the earth… So then what? The less good people will be the bad people, and little things will seem worse?
Guy #2: I don’t get it, these religions are inconsistent. Is Jesus taking the good people with him or do the good people inherit the earth? I hope he takes them with him.
Guy #1: I spoke with Jesus and he doesn’t know what’s going on: he just got the Xbox 360 and said he could care less.
Guy #2: He sounds like a good guy.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Bobby
Hipster guy: I mean, she’s a Jewish. She’s not, like, a bad person, I think.
–44th & 9th
Overheard by: …right.
Dude: He’s that kind of super-serious Jew that doesn’t touch women. I think they call it ‘Hava Nagila.’
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Middle school girl trying to catch snowflakes in her mouth: These snowflakes are so antisemitic! They won’t go in my mouth!
–110th & Amsterdam
Blonde on cell: I just don’t see us working out. All my friends hate you, my mom hates you, and even my dog hates you… My mom hates you because you’re not Jewish… Yes, I’m aware I’m Catholic… Because Jews are financially secure!
–Starbucks, Upper West Side
Frustrated Jewish guy: I mean, look at these people and their Red Sox yarmulkes! What is this world coming to?!
–Judaism Debate, Cooper Union
Shiksa seeing menorah-shaped chocolates: Oooh, combs!
–Party, W 72nd & Broadway
Guy on date: So, are you really a Mormon?
Girl on date: Yeah.
Guy on date: Does that mean you don’t have sex?
Girl on date: Well, not vaginally.
–Mulberry & Grand
Woman getting her watch fixed: Are you a Jew?
Watch kiosk guy: Yes.
Woman: Good! Very, very good! Wonderful!
Watch kiosk guy: Yes?
Woman: Yes! Very good! I’m a born-again Christian, and we love the Jews!
–Watch repair kiosk, Port Authority
Overheard by: I just like you cuz you have batteries!
