The Real Losers Will Be Their Children…

Dude: They don't like you because you're pretentious and make them feel stupid.
Chick: And the only reason they like you is because you make them feel smarter and look better in comparison. I win.

–Uptown 6 Train

Headline by: Andrew

Runners-Up:
· “Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman: At It Again” – Veronica Mars
· “Kenley Makes Micheal Korrs Cry at Fashion Week” – anne nahm
· “Now Buy Me The “I’m With Stupid” Shirt I Rightfully Deserve” – Paul K.
· “The Clinton’s New Sitcom Is Going to Be Great.” – treize

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on October 16, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Headline Contest Winners, On the Subway, Stupidity

Will You Be Joining the Army Now, Citizen?

Foreign student: So how did you do on the SATs?
American student: Screw the SATs. I lost respect for America when I took the SATs. The difference between Yale and BMCC is an analogy.

–Convent Ave

Overheard by: miguel

Posted on October 16, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Education, Foreigners, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Questions, Students

200 Wednesday One-Liners, and Nothing to Watch!

Girl on phone (after finding out there was a medical emergency on the first car): Yeah, apparently there's an emergency in the front car. I mean, I just finished watching the first season of Grey's Anatomy, maybe I can help.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Andres

Man to friend: And that's why I like to get stoned and watch the Julia Child show. She's not as shy as you'd think.

–Greenpoint, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Wants to know why!

Crazy man (in a normal voice) Look at the three white women! (in a high falsetto) Let's go shopping! Then let's go fucking! Let's get abortions! Just like Sex and the City!

–Hudson & Charles

Overheard by: lilli

Latina: He was stuck in the garbage can like Screech in a locker.

–Washington Heights

Overheard by: TOD

Hobo walking by Law & Order set: I wanna be on Law & Order. I can play a cop!

–94th St & Central Park West

Overheard by: Sargeant Pants

Woman, stopping dead in her tracks in front of a poster for the new version of Beverly hills 90210: Uh oh… Oh no… Uh oh…

–86th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Julia

Posted on October 15, 2008
Abortion, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Crazies, Fears, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Men, On Cell, Race, Sex, Shopping, Trains Not Subway, TV, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Heights and Inwood, Weed, West Village, Wishes & desires

Debbie Does Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: No, mom, I'm not going to flag submissive at a fucking porn convention, pardon my French.

–170th St & Audubon Ave

Blonde to male companion getting off train: Good luck beating those kiddie porn charges!

–N Train

Overheard by: Marin M.

Straight-laced businessman on phone: It's because you won't stop downloading all that porn! If you quit, the popups won't come back.

–Ditmars & 37th, Astoria

Guy: They confuse me for a porn star; no, they don't confuse me with a porn star, they just think I'm a porn star because of my name!

–NYU

Tall thin statuesque black girl looking intently into white guy's eyes: Do you want an open relationship or just want to do porn?

–Midtown

Overheard by: toughchoice

Posted on October 15, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Astoria, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Internet, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, Porn, Questions, Relationships, Suits

Ni Hao, Wednesday One-Liners!

Korean girl to white guy: Why do you find it necessary to squint your eyes when you do an Asian impression?

–L Train

Overheard by: john.ainley

White girl to friends: And then a ninjician pulled a chopstick out of her ear!

–Veniero's Pastry Shop

Overheard by: Amy

Asian chick: Asians are obsessed with analyzing poop.

–Max Restaurant, Tribeca

Overheard by: Shringle

Woman begging for change: Can I get some quarters? (pause) My cousin-in-law is Chinese. Come on!

–52nd & Lexington

Overheard by: NMT

Asian woman, after sneezing: Just cuz I'm a sneezin' Asian don't mean I got SARS.

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: CNaughty

White girl on cell: Okay, I'm going to sound crazy, but there's this Asian guy in one of my classes…and he looks just like Ashley…and I just want to run up and say "Can I take a picture of you? Because you look just like my black girlfriend!"

–Dorm Building, Cooper Union

Posted on October 15, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Body Parts, Buildings, College, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Girls, Global Geography, Grocery Stores, Illness, Koreans, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Pictures, Poop, Port Authority, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, White People

Does It Burn When You Wednesday One-Liner?

Girl playing extreme edition of Would You Rather:Okay: would you rather Joe with a 75% chance of a non-treatable STD or Luke with a 12% chance of pregnancy?

–R Train

Asian girl during Rent intermission: Oh wait, so they all have AIDS? Is that why they're all taking pills all the time? I didn't understand that. But you can't die from AIDS, right? I mean, if you like lived in a bubble forever, you would never die from it, right?

–Nederlander Theater

Man, emphatically: Look, you don't even have to worry about HIV, just take 200 milligrams of Vitamin C.

–89th & Broadway

Hipster girl: Me and my STDs are like Angelina Jolie's kids… Gotta get one from every country!

–Broome St

Overheard by: Kate

Hipster to friend: Thank god AIDS wasn't in Africa yet when I was there, I wouldn't have fucked anybody.

–Classroom, NYU

Young woman on cell: Yeah, I know. (pause) So you don't mind if I have herpes, right?

–71st Rd & Queens Blvd, Forest Hills, Queens

Overheard by: Tara

Posted on October 15, 2008
About Celebrities, Advice, AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Classroom, Compare/Contrast, Death, Friends, Girls, Global Geography, Hipsters, Lower Manhattan, Medicine, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYU, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queens, Questions, Sex, STDs, Theater, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women

I Wondered Why It Was So Well-Made

Barnard girl, examining other girl's wrist brace: Oh, I thought it was, like, some cool Urban Outfitters…
Other girl: No!
Barnard girl: Aw, baby!

–115th & Broadway

Overheard by: Alex

Posted on October 14, 2008
Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Students

And Stop Bringing Refugees Home With You–They Don't Get Along With the Cats

Louis Vuitton-carrying mother: Now I'm going to a halal meat market in Brooklyn next week!
Louis Vuitton-carrying daughter: I want to go to a halal market! Ever since I wrote my thesis I just love refugees!
Mother: Halal markets are for Muslims, not refugees!
Daughter: Well, close enough.

–75th & Lexington

Posted on October 14, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Ethnic Food, Girls, Insults, Islam, Moms, Upper East Side

Then We Should Tell Our Parents What We Did!

College girl: When we get back to the dorm, let's eat a bunch of stupid snacks.
College guy: Yeah, not smart snacks like Nurti-Grain bars, but stupid snacks like Pop-Tarts and Easy Mac.
College girl: Sooo stupid.

–110th & Lexington

Overheard by: Sromeo

Posted on October 13, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Frat Boys, Junk Food & Fast Food, Sorority Girls, Stupidity, Upper East Side

Compare/Contrast