Little boy: Grandma, can I play football?
Grandma: I don't know about that, you have to talk to the coach.
Little boy: Grandma, can I play football if I get an F in school?
Grandma: No, you can't play if you get an F.
Little boy: But what if it's an F for “fabulous”?
–Nostrand Ave
Overheard by: aja
Loud man in motorcycle jacket to table of friends: I wear a wedding band on job interviews… Makes them think that I'm committed and responsible.
Chick: That's a good idea!
Loud man: I also wear it to the club, chicks dig a guy who can commit.
Chick: That's so true! But wait… You're not married?
Loud man: Nah, I just live with my baby's mama… We sleep in the same bed but nothing ever happens.
–Tony's Pier, City Island
Overheard by: Fulana Pepa
Desperate girl #1: I think those guys are checking us out.
Desperate girl #2: No, they are looking for a waitress.
–Restaurant, Upper East Side
(old man with granddaughters talking to young man next to him)
Old man: Do you think these girls are pretty?
Young man: Sure, they're pretty.
Old man: Should you like to go on a date with one of them?
Young man: I'm gay.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Brooklynisbetter
Hipster boy: I would rather go on vacation than have health insurance.
Hipster girl: Health insurance is like, totally a scam and not real anyway. Not like Belgium.
Hipster boy: Belgium!
–K&M Bar, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson
Corporate guy, looking at flowers for sale: Are these roses?
Flower vendor: No, they're fucking tulips! Get with the program!
–East Village
Guy #1: Yeah, she's going to marry him.
Guy #2: Wouldn't you?
Guy #1 (thinks a moment): Yeah.
–R Train
Overheard by: sara n.
Blonde tourist (after swiping futilely a few times): How do I swipe this?
New Yorker (looks at card in tourist's hand): That's not a Metrocard, that's your room key.
–E Train
Overheard by: Laura
Chick on cell: In the past three weeks, I've been to more tranny-hosted parties than non-tranny hosted parties.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Mini-Asian teen: Well he's not a real man in the sense that he has a penis, or like, male reproductive organs.
–6 Train
Loud woman: I can't tell whether he's a lesbian or just gay.
–Bamboo 52
Overheard by: Aidan
Angry man: Suck my pussy dick!
–Canal St
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Black woman to group of friends, after watching an attractive black man walk by: Mmmmm, he so fine! I wanna stick my dick up that ass!
–Duane Reade
Bum on subway: (singing) when I go into space, I'ma take a stripper wit' me!
(woman puts a dollar bill in his cup)
Bum: I'ma take a trannie too, but the trannie cost extra!
(man puts a dollar in his cup)
Bum: La dee da!
–L Train from Williamsburg
Girl on cell passing by: That sounds great, honey, but there is no possible reason you'd need to shove an entire lime in the garbage disposal.
–Lafayette & Houston
(tourist lady eats banana)
Ferry bag lady: Why are you eating that banana? You know it's not healthy for you. They say you need potassium but you don't need no potassium. You don't want no banana, it's nasty and mushy. Throw it out. Throw out that banana. You don't want no nasty mushy banana.
(bug-eyed tourist lady continues to eat banana)
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Five-year-old girl, sitting in the grocery cart next to her twin sister, as their mother pushes them around the store: You're squishing me like a pineapple! You're squishing me like a pineapple, I said!
–9th St Market
Overheard by: Elle Woods (Chelsea Huckabay)
Old man with Boston accent to prepubescent boy: Squirt that in your nose and it's like you have a blueberry bush.
–42nd & 5th
Overheard by: Anniemal
20-year-old bakery chick: I was in Brooklyn yesterday on 18th Ave. There were three Mexicans on bikes. One was dressed like a banana. So then I walked up to him and I was like: "Dude, you're dressed like a banana and you're on a bike, that's awesome. Can I take a picture of you?"
–Bakery, Staten Island
Overheard by: Traci Cuccurullo
Loud girl: I never wash my fruit! I eat things that have fallen on the floor! And that's why I don't have allergies!
–375 Hudson St.
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
