“It's Not You. It's Wednesday One-Liner.”

Screaming, sobbing middle-aged woman to man: Why are you doing this to me? Why are you doing this to me? We made beautiful love last night! Why are you doing this to me?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Laura

Angry woman on cell: You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me! We are done!

–147th & St Nicholas

Man on cell: I'm going to fucking dump that job, like girls dump me.

–45th & 8th

Girl on phone: No wonder he broke up with you, you are a pain in the ass!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Laura

Teen girl on cell: Are you fucking kidding me? You're breaking up with me because I didn't let you lick chocolate off my coochie? That shit's fucked up!

–Bloomingdale's

Posted on December 20, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Ass, Breaking Up, Compare/Contrast, Food, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Licking, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Questions, Sex, Store, Street, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Gummi Bolts

Guy, sniffing at a box of bolts: Wow, these smell like Twizzlers!
Box owner: Well, they are from Germany.

–Metric Building, Hawthorne

Overheard by: not surprised at all

Posted on December 20, 2017
Buildings, Compare/Contrast, Default, Food, Global Geography, Guys, Not New York, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences

She Duels Like Yoda

Guy to woman with baby strapped to her chest: Your baby looks like a little Yoda.
Woman: That's what my husband said.
Husband: No, I said she looks like Obi-Wan.

–Path b/w Christopher & 9th

Overheard by: Brwnman

Posted on December 19, 2017
Babies, Compare/Contrast, Families, Guys, Movies, The Village

Some Headlines Write Themselves.

Guy: Snowboarding is better than skiing.
Girl: Yeah, I don’t think I would like skiing. I’m just not good at the whole keeping-my-legs-together thing.

–42st Station

Overheard by: BJ

Posted on December 17, 2017
Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, Innuendo, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Sports, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Words

Out of What, Now?

Old white husband: What are lamb chops?
Old black wife: I used to buy them for dinner all the time.
Old white husband: What are they?
Old black wife: I used to buy them for you!
Old white husband: I don’t remember, tell me what they are.
Old black wife: They’re like pork chops, but made out of lamb.

–D train

Overheard by: daniela

Posted on December 9, 2017
Age/Aging, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Food, Nostalgia, Old People, On the Subway, Talking/Convos, White People

Wednesday One-Liners See the World With Fresh Eyes

Little boy to dad: Does the Statue of Liberty have a claw?

–Battery Park

Little boy to mother: Will you hurry up? You're slower than my aunt Jebediah in the bathtub!

–Clark St, Brooklyn

Four-year-old boy to mother: And then you fed me…from your belly button!

–Old Navy Store

Overheard by: Joyfully Yours

Little boy playing with friend: Buenos dias, reptile!

–Astoria Park

Overheard by: Julie & Zane

Blond six-year-old, looking at father's New Yorker magazine: What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?

–Doma Cafe

Seven-year-old with Spiderman backpack: Dad, have I lost my youth?

–1 Train

Little girl with pigtails, running to sit with family: We're going to the dark side!

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

Posted on November 8, 2017
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Astoria, Battery Park, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Central Park, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Families, Family Ties, Film, Friends, Kids, Moms, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Statue of Liberty, Store, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Sand to the Beach

Playa on cell: I know there will. That’s why I’m not bringin’ my shortie. You don’t bring sand to the beach, playa. Huh-huh.

–Stanton + Forsythe, LES

Overheard by: Cityrag.com (Hi, Buddy!)

Posted on November 4, 2017
Compare/Contrast, On Cell, One-liners, Players, Sex, Store

Then I Wouldn't Have an Excuse to Come to Starbucks

Doctor: You know, people pay more for a Starbucks coffee than they do to visit me for a copay. That's what important in this world.
Colleague: Maybe you should put an espresso machine in your office.

–Starbucks, 96th St & Madison Ave

Posted on October 30, 2017
Coffee, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Doctors, Health and Hygiene, Medicine, Money & Class, Starbucks, Upper East Side

We Broke Up for a Reason, Remember?

Hobo: Hey, you look like Kenny Rogers.
Man: Uh, thanks. I guess that’s a compliment.
Hobo: You’re not a bad looking guy.
Man: Well, let’s not get carried away here.

–Food court, Grand Central

Overheard by: Hobo Appreciation Society

Posted on October 11, 2017
About Celebrities, Beauty, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Grand Central, Hobos, Men

Wednesday One-Liners Choo-Choo-Choose You

Conductor: Attention downtown passengers. The train that just left the station was obviously not your train.

–6 Train

Woman on cell: Hey, it’s the MTA who should be spanked!

–Rector St.

Overheard by: Ladle

Small girl to mom: I like this train station the best because it has an elevator, and you can see the whole world outside. The whole wide beautiful world.

–Harlem Escalator, 1 Train

Overheard by: Mark Brinker

Guy: I get all my information from subway ads.

–F Train

Overheard by: Thom Cohen

Woman, hearing garbled announcement that E train is running as an F: No! They are takin’ all my E trains!

–E Train

Overheard by: I can has E train?

Crackhead: Make sure to take your newspapers with you on the way out of the train. I’m having company over later and I want it to look nice.

–Franklin Avenue Shuttle

Overheard by: shuttle rider