Drunk girl #1: Oh my God I so know what you are talking about! Wait, you guys were talking about anal sex right?
Drunk girl #2: Uh no, we stopped talking about guys ten minutes ago.
–Red Sky, E. 29th Street
Drunk girl #1: Oh my God I so know what you are talking about! Wait, you guys were talking about anal sex right?
Drunk girl #2: Uh no, we stopped talking about guys ten minutes ago.
–Red Sky, E. 29th Street
Drunk guy #1: Hey, how come we never banged our neighbor?
Drunk guy #2: Because she’s 17 years old!
Drunk guy #1: OK, then why didn’t we bang her mom?
Drunk guy #2: Because we’re faggots!
Drunk guy #1: OK, then why haven’t we banged each other?
–V train
Drunk old guy: That’s a very nice dress… You’re a very beautiful woman. If I were thirty years younger, I–
Woman: –Would wear this dress?
–A train
Overheard by: Kirk
Drunk white man, pointing to random black guy: Hey, look: it's Puff Daddy!
Embarrassed daughter: Dad, that is not P. Diddy.
Drunk white man: Hey, Puff! Can I get a record deal? Hook a brother up!
–52nd & 7th
Woman: This is my favorite part…of the worst song ever.
–MTV Studios, Times Square
Man on cell: No, it is not like the time I farted at Target and blamed in on that old woman!
–22nd & Park
Overheard by: Bill Ray
Drunken yuppie guy: I want my Subway sandwich! I want my Subway sandwich! Tuna and onions! Yeah, you heard me. Girls love big cocks. Girls love big cocks! These girls know. I’m on…I’m on Comedy Central! I’m a redneck on Comedy Central! My name is Heywood Jablowme! Heywood Jablowme! Heywood Jablowme! I’m from Texas where girls suck cock for a dime!
–32nd & 2nd
Woman: Did you hear Cooter wouldn’t endorse that remake?
–7 train
Overheard by: Todd Horan
Guy: God, I feel like I’m trapped in a fucking Hallmark Card.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Shoshana
Latina: …and he looks evil and the Princess is saying to him, “You are a good person” and he looks so evil and then she is with Obi King Wasabi and he said he is on the dark side and then the shorty guy–what is his name?–Yoga said, “He is on the dark side” and then Dark Wader he is with the cape and looks all angry and evil reminded me of me on Mondays.
–58th & Lexington
Overheard by: Brandy Rowell
Conductor: Attention passengers, there will be no purgalism on this train tonight.
Drunken passengers: Did he just say “purgalism”? What the fuck is “purgalism”? Is that even a word?
(five minutes later)
Conductor: There will also be no puking on this train. No puking and no purgalism. I will not be taking any questions tonight.
–LIRR
Drunk Hispanic teen: How do I get to Times Square?
Older white lady: I am not sure… Maybe two stops. [Teen whispers to her.] Good Lord, no! I am old enough to be your mother!
–F train, 57th St
Drunk woman: Yeah, yeah, the tall one!
Bodega clerk: So you want the dollar beer?
Drunk woman: Yeah… but it better not be any of that cheap shit!
–Nostrand & Lafayette, Bed-Stuy
Overheard by: arnheim Lieber
Drunk guy #1: What’s the closest star to Earth?
Drunk girl: The Sun!
Drunk guy #2: No… It’s Alpha Centauri.
Drunk girl: I just don’t think I can agree with you on that. Anyway, Alpha Centauri is a galaxy!
Drunk guy #2: Let’s bet on it.
Drunk girl: Ok. But only money. No sexual favors.
–85th St & Amsterdam
Overheard by: EricaS
Drunk girl: Excuse me… Excuse me, sir. A lady pirate in the next car just violated me. She slid her sword down my skirt, man! For real — she was a fuckin’ pirate! There’s a whole bunch of pirates in the next car!
–LIRR, Penn Station
Overheard by: Jesse
