Wednesday One-Liners Support a Woman's Right to Shoes

Woman on cell: I would totally bind my feet for a good pair of shoes if they didn't have them in my size.

–Queens Boulevard

Passing hobo to girl with violin case: You have very nice boots… for a musician.

–85th & Columbus

Overheard by: cisium

Lady on cell: Go to the bathroom? Put our shoes on? On my god!

–113th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Drunk woman: I've been wearing high heels so long, my uterus is tilted!

–PATH

Overheard by: Best line I heard all night

Woman complaining on phone: He's wearing high-heels, and it's raining!

–2nd Ave & 12th St

Overheard by: Thommy Tuff Nutz

Posted on January 21, 2015
Body Parts, Compliments, Drunks, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, On Cell, Queens, Questions, Shoes, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weather, Women

Sometimes, Wednesday One-Liners Are Tough to Swallow

Girl on cell: Five hours later, I was still pulling cum out of my hair!

–13th St

Overheard by: questioning the physics

Drunk girl to drunk guy: I would love to be 5'8", I mean…it's like not tall…but like not short. (four minutes later, screaming) Yeah…like…too much thought is like…bad for you! (later) They should've jerked you off in your sock!

–84th & Amsterdam Ave

One of four middle aged men on a bench: Well, the key is to never swallow the cum, spit the cum out.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Dan

High voiced hobo to teenager: I want you to cum on my face.

–72nd St & Broadway

20-something girl on cell: Oh, you can't carry the microscope with you? Well, if you come here we'll have to forgo the sperm. If I come to visit you, then we can work it into the schedule.

–Ess-A-Bagel

Overheard by: Emma

NYU dude: How do you get cock-blocked while you're jizzing?!

–St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: IWasWonderingThatToo

Student, slamming reproductive biology book shut: Sperm! It's everywhere!

–Bobst Library

Overheard by: ttny

Posted on January 18, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Central Park, Cum, Drunks, Frat Boys, Girls, Guys, Hair, Height, Hobos, Library, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Science, Sensory Experiences, Street, Students, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Anyplace I Hang My Thong Is Home

Drunk guy to drunk girls hailing a cab: Hey there, ladies. Happy Halloween!
Drunk girl #1: Sorry, I'm not drunk enough to go home with you.
Drunk girl #2: I am!

–El Sombrero, Essex & Allen

Overheard by: Kate

Posted on January 17, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Sex, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Wednesday One-Liners for Ralph Nader… Not!

Sorority chick leaving a democratic rally where hillary clinton spoke: God, they all sounded so political!

–Wagner College

5 year-old boy (to his mother): Is it true that obama's going to raise taxes?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jen

Woman on cell: I'm trying to find joe sixpack. (pause) no, I don't know joe sixpack.

–98th & Broadway

Several middle-aged, wealthy #40 something upper east side ladies at the dinner table next to us at a french restaurant, discussing politics. The last point on sarah palin: "her hair's fine, her glasses are fine, her clothes are ok but I'm sorry, she's a fucking loser."

–Jacques Brasserie — Upper East Side

Overheard by: Lindsey Miller

Drunk girl: "if lil' wayne was president, things would be running much more smoothly."

–E Houston St & Lafayette St,

Overheard by: Teddy

"my cousin said that obama is the antichrist."
(pause).
"that's mad rude, right?"

–M66

Overheard by: Charley

Posted on January 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Bus, Clothing, College, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Girls, Government, Hair, Insults, Kids, Moms, Names, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Politics, President, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Soho, Sorority Girls, Street, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-liners for Bill Wilson

Guy: When you buy a bottle of whiskey, you have to think of it like buying a weekly MetroCard. It’s like you didn’t really spend that money.

–54th between 5th & Madison

Overheard by: John Williams

Posted on January 6, 2015
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, One-liners, Public Transportation

When In Doubt, Disguise Yourself As Daniel Powter

Old Italian cop to Jamaican dude he just pulled over: Sir, have you been drinking tonight?
Jamaican dude: Me love you lately.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Only in Brooklyn

Posted on January 6, 2015
Brooklyn, Cops, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Italians, Love, Questions

The Wednesday One-Liner Monologues

Drunk hipster: Since when did the vagina become the font of all morality?

–110th & Amsterdam

Girl running in pajamas: Oh my god my vagina is so cold!

–50th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Matt

Girl proclaiming: I saw the vagina.

–NYU

Acting student: You have a vagina and he’s all into that. I have a penis and he’s not all into that. That’s why you have to do this for me.

–Archbold Theater

Overheard by: nice

Crazy black woman: I know my pussy! You don’t know my pussy! Haha! You can’t say you know my pussy, I know my pussy! Haha, hah! If you can’t find my pussy, you can’t say you’re not too big!

–114th & Broadway

Overheard by: Xiao Hoah Dze

Nondescript guy on cell phone: So, were the vaginas ok?

–55th St & 8th

Posted on December 30, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, Default, Drunks, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hipsters, Laughter, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Not New York, NYU, Offers and requests, On Cell, Penis, Questions, Students, Theater, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Weather, Women

All Of Me Except My Maverick Vagina

Drunk guy: You were mingling…and stuff!
Drunk girl: Nah, baby. I was mingling with you.

–11th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: HALLOWEEN

Posted on December 23, 2014
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Guys, Sex, Union Square and East Village

As Long As You Were Kidding About “Straight”

Drunk lesbian: Straight cheerleader bitches. I love it.
Girl next to her: Did you just call me a straight cheerleader bitch?
Drunk lesbian: I love you. Fuck you, cheerleader.

–Ani DiFranco Concert

Overheard by: alxie

Posted on December 23, 2014
Drunks, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Insults, Lesbians, Love, Nicknames & name calling, Parades & Festitivites, Questions

… Or I Can’t Be Held Responsible for My Actions

Drunk guy: Hey, ladies, you want some Smirnoff? You wanna get with– And those are two dudes, aren’t they?
Sober guy: Yeah.
Drunk guy, yelling down the street: Shave your heads!

–Union St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Henry Crawford

Posted on December 22, 2014
Drunks, Hair, Pick-up Lines

Drunks