Every Little Wednesday One-Liner Helps

Professor: Gods, these students. It’s like they just don’t get it, you tell them things and two minutes later they ask you the same thing. How did they get here? What are they going to major in? In "homelessness"?

–English Department, Hostos Community College

Well-dressed 20-something girl: Homeless people tell me to cheer up all the time!

–1 train

Rich woman #1, fixing rich woman #2’s scarf: [laughs] Oh my god, you look homeless!

–1 Train

Overheard by: sagehen

Well-dressed woman on cell: It’s just another Wednesday and I’m a bag lady.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Mother to her flock of children entering the train and then getting off: Run guys run, theres a homeless guy on that train! Run!

–F Train

Overheard by: yana

Posted on February 25, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Education, Girls, Gripes, Homeless, Jobs & Careers, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, Panhandling, Physical appearance, Questions, Rich people, School and studying, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, Threats, Women

And They’d Be Pouring Margaritas for Everyone

[guy slips on snowy steps, falls down]Old man: Oh, are you okay?
[guy gets up, walks away]Old woman: If this were Dartmouth, they’d have salted this by now, you know.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Greg T

Posted on February 23, 2015
Accidents, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Default, Education, Men, Old People, Questions, Women

…the Same Way That Daddy Ate an Alcoholic, Sociopathic Chicken. Any Questions?

Son to mom: I have this new kid in my class and the teacher said he is autistic. Where do autistic people come from?
Mom: Autistic chickens, they ate an autistic chicken when he was younger and out he came, out and autistic.

–W Train

Posted on February 22, 2015
Education, Food, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Psychology, Questions, School and studying, Stupidity

Careful, He Wants You to Drop Your Guard

A large bearded black man is holding a big white sign that reads: NINJAS KILLED MY FAMILY. I NEED $$ TO LEARN KUNG-FU AND GET REVENGE.

Drunk yuppie: Ha, ha. So dude, are you really going to become a ninja?! Ha, ha!
Black guy: Nah, man. This is just for humor. This ain’t for real.

–Broadway & 76th

Overheard by: M-Co

Posted on February 19, 2015
Black People, Drunks, Education, Fighting and ass kicking, Homeless, Panhandling, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Yuppies

Wednesday One-Liners Get Schooled

Guy leaving registration line: Yo,son, I'm a fucking college student!

–Borough of Manhattan Community College

Girl to friend: If I blow off the first day of class to go to Nobu, am I really meant to be an MD?

–Nobu Restaurant, Tribeca

Crazy guy: School is good! School is very good! You can speak Chinese! You can speak Japanese! (counts to ten in Spanish.) School is good! School is very good!

–C Train

Overheard by: Emily B.

Hipster art student: He keeps giving us too many penis assignments. I don't wanna do another penis assignment.

–Pratt Institute

Blonde: My mom wants me to look at graduation dresses…yeah, let's see if I get there first.

–Austin St, Forest Hills

Posted on February 16, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, College, Crazies, Education, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Languages, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Queens, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Street, Students, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Advanced Calculus Gets You Some Pee in the Mouth

HS girl: Man, this school is a ho!
Security guard: Yeah, and you gotta learn how to trick it right to get what you want out of it.

–Bread & Roses High, Harlem

Posted on February 15, 2015
Education, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Manhattan, People, Places, School, Security Guards, Students, Teens, Topics, Venues

Wednesday One-Liners in Tasseled Loafers

Suit: There are two kinds of people in this world: Those with MBAs from Harvard, and us.

–6th & 55th

Overheard by: Dan

Agitated suit on cell: A dime is worth less than a dime. A dime is worth less than a dime!

–Starbucks, Times Square

Overheard by: Ladle

Suit to another: People are stupid, and the ones that aren't stupid are dumb!

–Madison & 49th

Suit: So Jake had this Mustang, right? And then every time he'd go to the circus they'd treat him like shit.

–59th & Lexington

Overheard by: i'll take the mustang

Suit to sandwich maker: Give me one with extra juice, so I can let it drip down my chin.

–Deli, 33rd & 7th

Suit on cell: That's stupid! Just put it in a bag and throw it in the river!

–23rd & Lexington

Overheard by: tallnawkward

Posted on February 14, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Drinks, Education, Ground Zero, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, Suits, Times Square, Upper East Side

But isn’t Canada the Party School?

Frantic, screaming child: But I wanna transfer. I wanna transfer!
Calm mother: And where do you wanna transfer to?
Child: Australia.

–crosstown bus, 72nd St

Overheard by: steven
Headline by: woo hoo

Runners-Up:
· “And Try To Get Through Samoa at Rush Hour?” – Greg Costello
· “But It’s Always So Early There” – Kelsey
· “Kangaroos seek 21st century juvies for fun, romance.” – sidruid
· “Kids Say The Crikiest Things!” – josh
· “She drank a lot of Foster’s during pregnancy” – lc
· “This is why you should beat your children” – Adam
· “We Brits would have sent him for free in the old days” – Iain, London

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on February 13, 2015
Bus, Education, Headline Contest Winners, Kids, Moms, On the Bus, Parents, School and studying, Students, Travel

Congrats, You’re Not Even as Classy as the SI Ferry

British bitch on cell: I’m surrounded by fucking morons who probably struggled through the NYC school system. We all know New Yorkers are the dumbest. They can’t even read. They haven’t had a Latin education and they probably can’t even speak another language…I didn’t want to get a limo to take to the fuckin’ ghettos of Brooklyn. I didn’t want to take a cab because these uneducated people don’t understand directions. I didn’t want to spend $30 and not get to the right place…Please make sure my car gets fixed. I’ve been reduced to the humiliation of taking public transportation. Now the second part of my fucking nightmare begins. I have to take the subway! I’m dressed like a commoner. I didn’t want to wear a $5000 Chanel suit on a seat that hasn’t been cleaned…She’s letting us borrow her castle for our wedding. If they can’t afford to be there, they obviously don’t deserve to come.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Christine

Posted on February 11, 2015
Anger Management, Biotechs, Brooklyn, Directions, Education, Fashion, Foreigners, History & Geography, Money & Class, NYC Geography, Old People, People, Places, Staten Island Ferry, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Topics, Venues

The Freshman Fifteen, Explained

Girl #1: Well, college is different, because you're on your own, but in a very structured environment.
Girl #2: Did I tell you about the pancakes?

–4 Train

Posted on February 6, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Education, Food, Girls, On the Subway, Questions, School and studying, Stupidity

Education