Cute girlfriend: Seriously? You take me to a sports bar for brunch? I'm the only chick in here!
Boyfriend, pointing to a girl sitting at the bar: Look, there is another vagina in here.
Cute girlfriend: Yeah, she's ugly: she has to like sports.
Boyfriend: Well…I guess that's kinda true.
–Mr Biggs Bar, Hell's Kitchen
Crazy stranger: Hey kid, you're a total cunt!
16-year-old: Gee…thanks, mister.
Crazy stranger: No problem. You like chicken?
–6 Train
Female shopper to Bloomingdale's cologne sprayer: Don't you dare spray your $30 over my $150.
–Perfume Aisle, Bloomingdale's
Old lady on cell: I mean, it's just five million…
–Madison & 77th St
Very rich mom to new nanny, about baby in stroller: Okay, well, she loves sushi, and…
–Upper East Side
Rich teen: I asked my mom to go to Louis Vuitton with me this weekend and she was like, "we're in a recession, let's go to Dolce."
–42nd St
Overheard by: I want a m6
Label-whore eating grapes and cheese, to friend: Oh my god, I feel so rich when I eat this stuff… Oh, wait, I am.
–Paul's Cafe
Middle aged white woman: You know, if you're not communicating with someone you can't just stick a potato up their ass and expect them to know where you're coming from.
Middle aged ponytail guy: True, true.
–Broadway Station Bar, Astoria
Chick #1: I have never been in love! Never never ever! Can you believe it?
Chick #2: Really? Wow! Well, look what’s out there.
Chick #1: I know! All the good ones are married, all the cute ones are gay, and the rest look like Shrek! All I want to do is meet a really sweet nice guy whos gorgeous and musical and creative and sweet like Jack White! Oh my god, he’s a god!
Chick #2: That White Stripes guy that punched someone out?
Chick #1: Yeah, he’s my idea of a perfect guy! God I love him!
Chick #2: Look! I got chocolate!
Chick #1: Yeah! Chocolate!
–Otto’s Shrunken Head, East Village
20-something woman: Is she a bialy in real life?
–Tomo sushi, 110th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred
Very large black woman on cell phone, bellowing: I don’t do no motherfucking corn bread! Why the fuck you always want corn bread, motherfucker?
–St. Luke’s-Roosevelt Hospital, 114th & Amsterdam
Punk girl to another: I wish I was a muffin. But I’m not. I’m a human.
–B Train
Overheard by: id rather be a cupcake
Black Whole Foods employee to black whole Foods customer: You have to be raised on it, you hear me? I was raised on c-town, key foods. I ain’t gonna pay no 4 dollars for no eggs.
–Union Square Whole Foods
Clueless suit on cell: I’m just really bad at knowing if stuff is perishable or not. I just don’t know. Ok, so ice cream -that’s perishable, right? Butter -non-perishable. Caviar isn’t perishable either… Wait, what? Oh, butter is perishable? Wait, how do you know? Does perishable mean it has to be kept in the fridge? Ok, so does caviar have to be kept in the fridge?
–E 60th St
Angry 20-something on cell phone: Why? Why? Because I can’t eat spaghetti-o’s anymore!
–E 13th St & 1st Ave
Guido #1: Tuna is not made from dolphins, bro.
Guido #2: I’m telling you, tuna fish is made from dolphins.
Guido #1: No way, bro, tuna are not dolphins!
Guido #2: Then what are they?
Guido #1: They’re…chicken of the sea.
–9th St. Path Station
Overheard by: Kevin M
Guy #1: Have you ever had Tasti D-lite? It’s disgusting! It tastes like frozen cum.
Guy #2: Well, it’s not that good.
–7th & Christopher
Overheard by: Gordon
Dad: Okay, girls! Now, we’re on a very tight budget — you can get ketchup, mustard, or barbecue sauce.
–Shea Stadium
Overheard by: bill R
Girl: Apparently I ate an entire jar of mustard.
–Bard High School Early College
Overheard by: and didn’t notice?
Hot guy on cell: That’s fine, but I just don’t want to find the television smeared with peanut butter this time…
–96th & CPW
White chick: La Choy is the white trash of soy sauce!
–113th St
Overheard by: Meister E.
Man to hobo: If I had any more butter, I would give it to you, but I don’t because I used it already.
–Howard St
Overheard by: havarthe
Foxy lady, to female dining companion: I could pour ketchup in your cleavage and dip a fry in it… Just dip it in! Why are people staring at us?
–Relish, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Justin Casement
Traffic police officer #1: She want balls with no cheese. I want cheese on my balls.
Traffic police officer #2: Oh, she nasty.
–Quizno's, Broadway & Franklin
Overheard by: office peon
