Friends

She Don't Eat Wednesday One-Liners, But She Sure Like the Bone

Woman: Shut up! Do you want to end up alone eating a bologna sandwich in the drunk tank?

–Ave A & 10th

Overheard by: Kira

Coworker to office: I love meatloaf. I would wear it on my head like a hat.

–6th Ave

Overheard by: The Secret Newsbunny

Woman getting in cab: Fatty Magoo! I'm going to eat the shit out of some ribs!

–24th & 7th Ave

NYU boy to friends: Wait! I'm looking at the wrong site…there's all different kinds of sausages.

–Kimmel Center, NYU

Overheard by: lollin.

Hobo: I don't like beef, I don't like chicken, I don't like ribs…I like pussy!

–Lower East Side

Overheard by: J J

Conductor: Everyone please step aside at the next stop and make room for fresh meat.

–L Train

Overheard by: ooshua

I Think Mr. Cheney's Just Getting Old

Girl: Yeah, I'm pretty sure he has amnesia.
Friend: I guess that explains why he's falling asleep all the time!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Bernard

As Forward-Thinking As the Stimulus Plan

20-something female to friend: If everyone would just pay a dollar, then we would be out of this stupid recession!
Friend: You pay a lot more than a dollar in taxes.
20-something female, frustrated: I know–but if everyone would just pay another dollar on top of it, then we'd be fine.

–39th & 5th

Overheard by: Laura PJ

And the Fact That They're Douchebags Creates Lubrication

Dude in crowded subway car, to friend he's showing around town: That's why hipsters are all so thin, so they can move easily through trains.
Friend: So, is that, like, a requirement here?
Dude: Yeah, there's a practical reason for it.

–R Train

Overheard by: Morning Glory

Not Clay Aiken.

Black thug to friend: Yo, everyone's Irish on St. Patrick's day.
Drunk white girl: Is everyone black on Martin Luther King day?

–5th Ave & 49th St

Bottom Line: Folger's Is Not the Best Part Of Waking Up

Foreign guy: Yeah, I had this sixteen-year-old who was drunk on vodka.
Friend: Yeah?
Foreign guy: I didn't sleep with her, though. I don't do that. I slept with her in the morning. Yeah, it's all about the penetration.

–St. Mark's Place

Plus, Don't You Have to Be Fat?

Hip Asian girl: I'm getting really interested in Buddhism.
Sassy gay friend: I like killing bugs too much.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: michelle

The Angel Wings Are for Religious Purposes

Drunk gay college student, seeing drag queens crossing the street: Yay! Halloween! I love Halloween!
Drunk college friend: Oh my god! I love your costumes!
Drag queen, angrily: It ain't Halloween, bitch! This is every day!

–18th & 8th

Especially Having Slept With Her Husband

Pregnant teacher: Yeah, so my husband loves me and I'm pregnant. Yeah, that's life…everything works out.
Black girl to friend: Yo, she makes me mad depressed.

–Edward R Murrow High School

Wednesday See, One-Liner Do

Tourist teen: Scientology? Is that like that crazy Darwinism stuff where they think people are monkeys?

–TKTS

Guy: Well, 20 million years ago you were a monkey too!

–NYC Lab School

Overheard by: T

Teen to friend: So once the car is full of monkey poop, then you trade it in for another one.

–Chelsea

Hobo sitting in subway station: Woman ain't want no man in her bed…she want a monkey in her bed…ooohh ooh oh ahh ahhh ahhh. (makes monkey noises)

–E Train

Overheard by: Ja9

Comedy show hawker: You will all have autism when you're done with this show. And you'll be having sex like monkeys and bunnies.

–Times Square

Overheard by: fluffyautist

Little boy watching monkey, to father: I bet he wouldn't leave his kid at a Wal-Mart.

–Bronx Zoo

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