Gays and Lesbians

Frases De Miercoles

Young guy on cell: You're lucky I'm Colombian. If I was Ecuadorian, I'd be slapping you!

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: Jobee

Angry man walking alone, to himself: I could have married a Dominican, but no, I decided not to!

–Mercer & Broome

Teen girl to friend: Your new Mexican is super creepy.

–On Line for the Colbert Report, Hell's Kitchen

Guy on cell: No, no, man, she's Puerto Rican. I'm just sayin' she's Dominican 'cause it sounds hotter.

–105 St & Lexington

Thug holding box of maxi pads: Yo, that motherfucker is like the gay Mexican Marlon Brando. Classic…

–CVS

Overheard by: Karen

Nor, Unfortunately, Did You Wipe Your Face

Guy #1: Do you want some of my water? I promise I don’t have cooties.
Guy #2: It’s not your cooties I’m worried about, it’s someone else’s.
Guy #1: No, I didn’t suck his dick.

–F train

Overheard by: Victor Villegas

Wednesday One-Liners Call Themselves “Publicists”

Announcer dude: People, get the Audio Guide! If you don’t you’ll end up up there thinking, ‘I should have listened to that handsome, well-spoken man downstairs.’ You’ll be beating yourself for not buying the Audio Guide. And I don’t need that on my conscience.

–Empire State Building

Overheard by: George Carstocea

Daily News hawker: Sign up here for your free subscription to the Daily News! [Muttering] We’ll screw you later.

–Outside Shea Stadium

Overheard by: Mrs. Met

Guy selling comedy show tickets: Come on, have a ticket. If you don’t I’ll stalk you on your MySpace page!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Punkgrrl

Top of the Rock promoter guy: Yeah, it’s supposed to be, like, the best view or whatever of, uh, I don’t know… [Calls to fellow promoter] Yo, man, you ever been up there?

–Rockefeller Center

Flyer dude: See the naked cowboy on stage! Sucking cock!

–46th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ashley

Guy selling newspapers: New York Post here! Daily News here! [He’s ignored.] New York Post here! Daily News! [Still ignored.] George Bush wins the lottery! [Still ignored.]

–33rd & 7th

Comedy club promoter: People, you gotta come tonight, because if you don’t my boss is gonna kill me! I work for the mafia!

–Times Square

Coincidentally, He Doesn’t Consider It Cheating When It’s with a Guy

Girl #1: Are you gonna tell him?
Girl #2: Well, I don’t consider it cheating when it’s with a girl… so no.

–23rd & 7th

Overheard by: vaduz

Jelly Roll Wednesday One-Liners

Chick: … So she had sex with both Rush Limbaugh and Bernie Kerik? Ewww, I wouldn’t want to be her vagina!

–10 E 53rd St

Overheard by: I thought ewww, too

Fat latina: You mean it don’t shake and jump up and down? Girl, what kinda clit do you have?

–Stanton & Clinton

Old guy sweeping sidewalk: You won’t see me begging for no pussy. No way.

–118th & 5th

Overheard by: robin b

Girl in skirt to boy, both standing in the cold: If you could see my undercarriage right now you would see that it’s quivering.

–21st & Broadway

Guy on cell: Yeah, girl. Well, just wait, ’cause I’m gonna terrorize your pussy tonight.

–Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Peter Rice

Lesbian: … So I was like, ‘Fine, bitch. You can shove your own fucking fingers up your own fucking cooch. I’m going to put on my clothes and sit in the corner and change my Facebook status…’

–Restroom, Stuyvesant High School

Teen boy: I ate too much pussy. Now I have pussy poisoning.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: sara swank

I’d Guess Not Unlike Star Jones

Woman #1: …she’s also a lesbian.
Woman #2: Really?
Woman #1: Yeah. She’s a black Jewish lesbian mother.
Woman #2: …What do the kids look like?

–Central Park reservoir track

Crocodile Is the Fabric Of Our Lives, After All.

Girl: Have you seen the new Gucci collection?
Gay friend: Can you believe they're starting to make Gucci clothes for babies? Can you imagine, like, a crocodile onesie?
(friend laughs)

–Times Square

Overheard by: Franfresca P

What's More American Than Wednesday One-Liners?

Guy on cell: Come on, one third of Americans don't pay their taxes. I want to be one of them.

–7th Ave & Garfield, Brooklyn

Guy on cell: Does he know where he is? This is America–this is America. They makin' ice cream every second! I don't know what he's complainin' about, they got chains makin' food 24 hours a day…they even makin' milk on Christmas!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Tess

Obnoxious black guy to another: I was watchin' a special on tv last night talkin' about how gays can't be in the war! When they find out the whole America is gay, we're screwed!

–45th & 9th

Construction worker to another: Hell, I could break down George Bush in a debate. And I'm a fuckin' plumber! (pause) I hate my damn nation…

–Dunkin' Donuts, Astoria, Queens

Conductor: This is the r local to Continental… Forest Hills… Queens… USA!

–R Train

Overheard by: Mugsy's Moll

He Acts Like He Doesn’t Enjoy the Sex with the Men

Woman: Your brother’s an actor? That’s so nice.
Man: Yeah, he’s really good. It’s a great play.
Woman: What’s the role?
Man: He plays this gay man who faces his own death.
Woman: Awww…
Man: But, I mean, he’s no faggot or anything. My brother’s just a really good actor.

–St. Mark’s & 3rd Avenue

Complimenting My Genitals Does Nothing to Contradict My Argument

Junior high kid: Nice bike, fag!
Guy on moped: Nice prepubescent penis, kid!

–Greenwich Village

Overheard by: Matthew

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist