Gays and Lesbians

Hey, Bra, Check Out These Sweet Wednesday One-Liners

Frat boy: That is the last time I am *ever* jacking off to gay porn.

–Gristedes, 42nd St

Overheard by: …while sober or drunk?

Frat boy to another frat boy staring intently at a young woman dressed as a Hogwarts student: I am really drunk!

–14th St & University Place

Midwest frat dude: The ugliest girls in New York City are like the hottest girls I've ever seen!

–St.Marks & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: slohmie

Frat boy: Dude, I'm not hating -I love gay guys. All I'm saying is -they buy a lot of Kosher wine.

–23rd St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Dina

Frat boy: We've had sex everywhere… In cars, in public places…I've seen her vagina more times than I've seen my mother's!

–Wagner College

King Lear Gets Foiled at Every Turn

(old man with granddaughters talking to young man next to him)
Old man: Do you think these girls are pretty?
Young man: Sure, they're pretty.
Old man: Should you like to go on a date with one of them?
Young man: I'm gay.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Brooklynisbetter

Deaf Chick Lesbian Porn Is Always the Hottest

College girl: Fuck, I have to do this research paper on Anne Frank over the holiday week!
College guy #1: Make sure to include the part about her being a lesbian.
College guy #2: Anne Frank was not a lesbian, you idiot!
College guy #3: No, I am pretty sure I saw one of the videos she made once.
College girl (walking away): I'm gonna go throw up.
College guy #2: How the hell did either of you even get into college?

–8th St & 6th Ave

Old, Straight…. There's Just Nothing Hot About Her

Male NYU student #1: I find myself oddly attracted to Diane Keaton.
Male NYU student #2: that's pretty gross, dude.
(pause)
Male NYU student #2: Wait, isn't she a lesbian?
Male NYU student #1: Nah, I think that's Jodie Foster.
(pause)
Male NYU student #2: Yeah, that's pretty gross, dude.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Junkballer

Chicks with Wednesday One-Liners!

Chick on cell: In the past three weeks, I've been to more tranny-hosted parties than non-tranny hosted parties.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Mini-Asian teen: Well he's not a real man in the sense that he has a penis, or like, male reproductive organs.

–6 Train

Loud woman: I can't tell whether he's a lesbian or just gay.

–Bamboo 52

Overheard by: Aidan

Angry man: Suck my pussy dick!

–Canal St

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Black woman to group of friends, after watching an attractive black man walk by: Mmmmm, he so fine! I wanna stick my dick up that ass!

–Duane Reade

Bum on subway: (singing) when I go into space, I'ma take a stripper wit' me!
(woman puts a dollar bill in his cup)
Bum: I'ma take a trannie too, but the trannie cost extra!
(man puts a dollar in his cup)
Bum: La dee da!

–L Train from Williamsburg

Meet the Author of How to Make a Straight Guy Shut Up

Guy at bar: I’m sorry if I’m being an asshole.
Gay bartender: Oh, don’t worry -I deal with assholes all the time.

–Montien, 12th & 3rd

…Like Little Vaginas

Black girl #1: Can I feel the inside of your ear?
Black girl #2: Um…
Black girl #1: I’m not gay, I just like the way ears feel!

–6 Train

Wednesday One-Liners Pretend They’ve Read Kerouac

Hipster chick: It costs like $280 to go blonde, which seems expensive but it’s totally worth it because then you’re blonde.

–Hop Scotch

Overheard by: bildita

Hipster: My brother entitled all of his college essays "Heeeey Essaaaaay!"

–Smith Street & President

Overheard by: Michelle C.

(drunk or ill hipster guy lying on stairs moans pitifully and vomits)
Hipster’s friend, looking away and pretending not to know him: Ha! Fag!

–7th Ave

Young hipster: Let’s face it, at some point I’m gonna be homeless.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Conti

Hipster girl: Pickles are so in right now.

–Renegade Arts Festival, Williamsburg

Kathy Griffin Makes Fun Of Wednesday One-Liners

White queer to friend: So I was sitting there at the restaurant with my parents and looked to my left, and who was there? LL Cool J! Ooooh, girl, he is fine. I was all: "Hey, LL, you can park your big Underground Railroad right in my behind!"

–UES

Hipster: You can’t really enjoy Evel Knievel in the traditional sense.

–St. Mark’s Place

Nine-year old boy to another: Ooh, Indiana Jones! Look, Shia LaBeouf! I used to go out with him.

–St. Mark’s Place

Overheard by: learned something new about Shia LeBeouf

Proud teen: I had my picture taken with Dennis Rodman’s sister.

–Houston & West Broadway

Worried hipster: And I think Judge Judy would just say that I don’t have a leg to stand on.

–W 19th St

Bus driver: I know what it’s like to miss a flight. You have to ride a Greyhound bus and sit next to a fat guy who eats Cheez-Its and talks about Scott Baio way too much.

–NYAS Shuttle, JFK

Overheard by: innocent bus rider

I Keep Eating Cheeseburgers and Sleeping with Women, to No Avail.

Hipster #1: Yeah, my 500-pound lesbian aunt went to Woodstock when she was 16. She still lives there.
Hipster #2: God, I wish I had been at Woodstock when I was 16.
Hipster #3: I wish I was a 500-pound lesbian in Woodstock.

–N 6th St, Williamsburg

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