Guy #1: …smells like sausage.
Guy #2: (begins sniffing) Unusually large sausage…
–Corner of 9th & 31st
Overheard by: Saz
Guy #1: …smells like sausage.
Guy #2: (begins sniffing) Unusually large sausage…
–Corner of 9th & 31st
Overheard by: Saz
Guy to security guard: We're not fucking tourists, man, we're just trying to get back to our home in Jersey.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Metrosexual guy: There are two kinds of people I will never, ever, date. One are people who are culturally ignorant. The second is people from New Jersey.
–45th & 5th
Overheard by: Mr. Pink
Proper British woman to loud drunk guy: Go back to Jersey!
–BB King Concert, Christ United Church
Overheard by: bb
Uptight 40-something white guy: I can't wait to get safely back in New Jersey!
–A Train
Overheard by: JoshBob
20 something man, jumping up as seat collapses under him: You see?! That happens to me every time I stand up from sitting on them, too. I sit down KNOWING it’s going to happen, but it always gets me.
20 something girlfriend: I know, I do the same thing.
20 something man: I mean, how hard would it be to affix some rubber or something so that it dampens the impact?
20 something girl: …and doesn’t scare everyone on the train.
20 something man: Yeah.
[Someone stands up from sitting on one at other end of train causing everyone to jump and look over.]20 something girl: See, I’m sayin!
20 something man: Actually, I think I kinda like it. It’s sort of organic, keeps you on your toes. You never know what the MTA will throw at you…
–2 Train
Overheard by: Ohiowatha
20-Something guy #1: I loved rehab.
20-Something guy #2: I did, too.
20-Something guy #1: You know, I’m so grateful for the friends.
–19th & 8th
Overheard by: Sebastian White
Headline by: Adam Nathan
Runners-Up:
· “And Don’t Forget the Free Detox Poncho” – Toby
· “And By ‘Friends,’ He Means ‘Points of Reference.'” – Jessica P.
· “And Your Daughters Appreciate Not Having to Say They Fell Down the Stairs at School” – Fake Jew
· “However, My Intervention Was a Bore.” – Sean
· “If I Ever Get Lonely, I Know I Can Just Relapse.” – Colin McCleod
· “It’s Hard to Find People Who Understand My Smurf Porn Addiction.” – John
· “Its Just Like Summer Camp! But With No Blow” – Liss
· “So No One Told Ya Life Was Gonna Be This Wayyy (Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap)” – pete
· “That’s Spelled F-I-E-N-D-S” – Bostonian
· “They Were The Mayo On My Cold Turkey” – Hellboy
· “You Should See the Support at the Sexaholics Meeting” – Mike
Gay man: Now that everything is lesbian, bi and transgender, I don't know if I can lead the committee anymore, 'cause I've got my gay male privilege.
–W 13th St
Man with clipboard: Do you have a moment for gay rights? (silence) C'mon, help support the people that made your clothes!
–10th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: You mean 10-year olds in Honduras?
Thug teenage dad, about baby staring at effeminate Asian man: Oh shit, she's already got her gaydar on.
–4 Train
Chick to friends: I would be like the sluttiest gay guy and it would be totally awesome.
–Christopher St
Man: …and you know there are a ton of gays who have no problem taking it straight up the ass.
–Times Square
11-year-old thuggish boy: No homo, but he looks better than his sister.
–Bronx Playground
Black guy: I'm gay! I'm proud! I'm in the front seat! I'm gay! I'm proud! I'm in the front seat! I love guys!
–Union St & 8th Ave, Brooklyn
Comedy pimp: You guys like comedy? Wanna see a comedy show?
College guy: Sorry, I don’t usually.
Comedy pimp: Talk to black people?
College guy: Have my sentences finished by black people?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand
Girl talking to another girl: I like rectal physiology.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: no need to take her to a movie
Fireman, mocking drunk voice and crazy walking: Where are my kneecaps? Has anyone seen my kneecaps? Where the hell did my kneecaps go?
–Times Square
Overheard by: jacki
Man on street talking seriously to friend: And then the lady’s head fell into the toilet bowl.
–White St & W. Broadway
Overheard by: I would have loved to hear the ending of this story..
Guy: It would be better if we could see our own bodies cut up, all laid out on front of us like this!
–Entering the Bodies Exhibition, South Street Seaport
Girl in train: It’s so cold that my ears are freezing their asses off!
–4 Train
Overheard by: Not High, Kumar
Woman at next table: Well, I only get cold sores on my nose.
–The Mermaid Inn, 2nd Ave & 5th
Snooty alternative chick: So, for some reason I always get these creepy guys talking to me on the train. This one guy on the ride over here looked over at my iPod and I was listening to The Fall, right? And he’s like, ‘That’s an interesting song. It’s like punk, right?’ And so then he pulls out his iPod and starts trying to impress me with his shitty music list.
Alternative guy: What was on it?
Snooty alternative chick: Blink 182 and Good Charlotte and stuff… And it’s like, ‘Um, you’re a guy on the N train who started talking to me, you’re not gonna get in my pants… And you’re especially not gonna get in my pants if you don’t know who The Fall are! That’s totally a prerequisite.’
–Kim’s Video, St. Mark’s Pl
Guy: If I ever beat my kids during Christmas, this is the song I’d play.
–Ulysses, Pearl Street
Overheard by: Dennis Sugrue
Guy #1: Oh shit! Santa’s World!
Guy #2: For real? That shit is off the chain!
–Broadway between 23rd & 24th
Overheard by: Jon Feinstein
