Wednesdays Become One-Liner With the Universe

Young child to mother: I am not psychic.

–Downtown B Train

Overheard by: furf

Normal-looking guy: But we have the complexity of magic!

–NYU

Asian Bikram instructor: Listen to your breast and find your inner piss.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Bikram Curious

Thug on cell: You don't know what kind of drugs they gave you, or if you really blacked out. But you have to understand that the spiritual world and the physical world are two different things. (pause) I don't have evidence of a spiritual world. (pause) You know that guy Des-cart? That's his name, right?

–Hunter College

Overheard by: trapped@hunter

Guy on phone: Listen, Julian, you are a shit-ass excuse for a friend. You can lick the peanut butter from between my toes. (pause) Listen, Julian, I'm on the other line with my psychic, let me call you back.

–49th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Lara

Posted on December 16, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Body Parts, Drugs, Food, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hunter, Insults, Kids, Magic, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Names, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Pee, Philosophy, Psychic, Rack, Science, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Thugs, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Bring Something Unique to the Table

Guy: I hope you got a fuckin' Dixie Cup, 'cause that's what you're gonna need to hold it!

–42nd & 5th

Middle aged suit, to no one in particular: Spoon! Spoooon! Spooooon!

–Au Bon Pain, Broad St

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Young guy with backpack to young wife: Teacup, teacup, teacup, teacup, teacup.

–Sheridan Square

Crazy hobo on subway: Hey you! Did you take my spoon? I know you took my spoon! Why would you do that to a guy?

–Uptown 3 Train

Overheard by: Scared British Tourist

Indignant yuppie: I wanted to stab her with a fork! It's a good thing we were at a sushi restaurant.

–69th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on December 16, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Couples, Crazies, Crazy, Drinks, Ethnic Food, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Stab, Strangers, Street, Suits, Thievery, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Yuppies

Wednesday One-Liners Star in P.S. – I Lavatory You

Guy, rushing into room: Guys, come here. I need a witness in the bathroom right now.

–Times Square

Screaming Latino stepping into urinal: Ah! Ah! Ah! Sorry y'all, I just got dem crabs, so it hurts when it comes out.

–South Ferry

Voice from cubicle emitting diarrhea sounds the day after Yom Kippur: Ugh, Jewish holidays.

–Broadway

Woman coming out of bathroom: I just heard the woman in the stall next to me say, "I love my ample taint."

–Astoria

Overheard by: Alison R

Posted on December 16, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Body Parts, Ferry, Guys, Judaism, Latinos, Manhattan, Offers and requests, One-liners, Poop, Queens, Sensory Experiences, STDs, Strangers, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Will Totally Steal Your Picnic Basket

20-something girl in chucks to another: No, I will not get rubber boots. What do I look like, fucking Paddington Bear?

–CVS

Boy: I bet if I had three of me I could take on a grizzly bear.

–Columbia

Overheard by: Megan

Small, well-dressed girl: I want to eat the heart of a bear!

–Bohemian Hall, Astoria

Overheard by: Joseph

Guy on cell: You don't even know what the Care Bears are about!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Fresca P.

Posted on December 16, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Astoria, Body Parts, Books & Writing, Boys, Central Park, Columbia, Compare/Contrast, Food, Girls, Guys, Insults, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Questions, Shoes, Store, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Which Of the Three Stooges Is Which? Show Your Work.

Guy #1: I need more leg room.
Guy #2: I need more arm room.
Guy #3: I need more gas room.

–Astor Place Theater

Overheard by: Tracy

Posted on December 15, 2009
Body Parts, Guys, Theater, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires

Gosh, I Miss My 20's.

Guy: Whatcha drinkin' there?
Wasted girl: Jungle juice. I made my own… special… red elixir. Haha. My eyes aren't even open right now, are they?

–Party, Brooklyn

Posted on December 15, 2009
Body Parts, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Drunks, Girls, Guys, Questions

Boys Don't Multitask Very Well

Girl: So, what do you want to do? Get some food? Get on the train?
Boy: I just want to have sex with you.

–Court & Atlantic

Posted on December 13, 2009
Brooklyn, Food, Girls, Guys, Public Transportation, Questions, Sex, Wishes & desires

But She Wears the Cutest Little Crotchless Overalls

Dude #1: Paint stripper?
Dude #2: Prostitute stripper.
Dude #1: Ohhhhhhh.

–8th Ave & 52nd St

Overheard by: Chauncy

Posted on December 12, 2009
Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Prostitution, Questions, Strippers

Totally Worth the Bad Breath

Big Guido: Yeah, and now he's going to recycle his urine!
Small squirmy dude: Woah, cool! He's gonna make a ton of money.

–9th Ave & 45th

Posted on December 11, 2009
Guidos, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Pee, Weirdness

And Moonwalking Inadvertantly.

Guy #1: You squattin?
Guy #2: Nah, just listening to Michael Jackson.

–Harlem New York Sports Club

Overheard by: Obvious Misunderstanding

Posted on December 10, 2009
Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Music, Questions