Guy: I was reading the script, trying to figure out which part to read for the audition, but they're all so…
Girl: Disturbed?
Guy: Right! Like, my first thought was the albino dwarf, but he's planning to kill someone, so… obviously not.
–68th & 2nd
Overheard by: ultra-condensed movies
Dude: Can you help me? I’m bleeding.
Chick: What’s the matter?
Dude: I’m fucking bleeding!
–Baruch College, 25th St
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Slacker chick in Heidi haircut, Mao cap and gas station jacket: What really pissed me off was we were fooling around one night and he was texting another girl. I’m, like, sitting there naked, ready to do whatever, and he’s pulling that shit. He’s all about wanting to eat out my asshole, and then he does that.
Slacker dude: I guess he wasn’t really ready to get everything he wanted.
–Raccoon Lodge, TriBeCa
Overheard by: Nic
Little boy: I know three things about aliens. One, they don’t have hair. Two, they don’t have mouths. Three, they don’t have privates.
20-something: Then how do you know if it’s a boy or a girl alien?
Little boy: Um, they’re not boys or girls. They’re its… Or she-males.
20-something: Where did you learn ‘she-males’ from?!
Little boy: Third Avenue.
–N train
Guy: I will have a coffee.
Waitress: We don’t have anything hot.
Guy: Then an iced coffee, please?
–New York Comedy Club, East 24th Street
Overheard by: Eric Kuhn
Guy #1: Dude, did you hear? Another helicopter crashed into the East River.
Guy #2: Man, that would suck. The East River is just dirty and nasty.
Guy #1: Shit yeah. It’s full of floatin’ helicopters.
–2 train
Flyer guy: Want to see a comedy show? It's hilarious!
(passers-by ignore him)
Flyer guy: Okay, good talk.
Hipster girl: (giggles)
Flyer guy: Oh! You like laughing, want to see a comedy show?
Hipster girl: No. I'm not a fucking tourist, leave me alone.
–Times Square
Overheard by: not a tourist
Guy #1: Get out of the way! You’re in the walking lane and
people are trying to pass.
Guy #2: What walking lane? Only an idiot would walk on an elevator. People who walk are idiots.
Guy #1: This is called an escalator.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Nicole Victoria
Girl: Let’s take the stairs.
Guy: But the stairs are so…leg-oriented.
–Tisch School of the Arts
Guy: It’s like a conveyor belt for miserable people.
–Penn Station
Guy: I mean, she can come with and dance on the table.
Girl: I wanna see the baby!
–Avenue U & Coney Island Ave
Overheard by: I wanna go where they're going.
Guy: What does that tattoo say?
Chick: *Sigh* I promised myself I’d never get a tattoo unless I had a kid. Then I got a dog. It says Roxy. That’s her name. Now I have to explain to everyone how I’m the biggest loser in the world.
–LES
