Does a Wednesday One-Liner Shit in the Woods?

Puzzled guy on cell: What kind of girl calls you a "cuddly wuddly bear" and doesn't go out with you?

–The Village

Overheard by: Greene

Hobo: Hey there, folks! I'm Yogi Bear! Have you seen Ranger Rick?

–Gray's Papaya

Overheard by: Zach

Woman on cell: I'm glad the evil bear didn't kill you in your sleep!

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Drunk girl to sober companion: Oh my god, I saw this dog the other day. It was a bear!

–Tick-Tock Diner

Outraged girl on cell: She's anti-polar bear?

–NYU Campus

Overheard by: nina

Posted on April 29, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hobos, Hot dog stands, Man's Best Friend, Murder, Nicknames & name calling, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Stupidity, The Village, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

American or Australian?

Breakfast cart guy: Do you have change for a $5?
Customer: No, sorry.
Breakfast cart guy, to hobo under blanket: Do you have singles for a $5?
Hobo: Me? Why are you asking me… (stops to think) Wait…as a matter of fact, I do!

–3rd Ave & 9th St

Overheard by: Hunter

Posted on April 28, 2009
Clerks, Customers, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Alan Barely Recognized His Fairy Godmother Anymore

Hipster #1: You got cancerous tumor in my benign cyst!
Hipster #2: No, you got benign cyst in my cancerous tumor.
Hobo: Y'all both need to get y'asses to a fuckin' doctor!
Hipster #2: Do I know you?

–Downtown 4 Train

Overheard by: Michael B. Isberg

Posted on April 27, 2009
Advice, Cancer, Hipsters, Hobos, On the Subway, Stupidity

Alex Trebek Is Oddly Irritating in His Downtime

Crazy hobo to man trying to ignore him: Did you know that Chinese has over 50,000 dialects?
Uninterested man: Wow, that's a lot…
Crazy hobo: And there are 18 provinces in Canada, not 4!
Uninterested man: You don't say…
(very long pause)
Crazy hobo: So, what kind of medication are you on?

–Starbucks, Times Square

Overheard by: Pete

Posted on April 25, 2009
Crazies, Global Geography, Hobos, Languages, Medicine, Men, Starbucks, Times Square

It's a Law!

Indian hipster on cell: Yeah, man, no worries. I want to see you guys. I'll definitely finagle my way uptown somehow.
Crazy hobo, jumping alongside hipster: Yeah! You gotta finagle! How else would you get there? Finagle, man, you gotta finagle!

–Bowery & Broome

Posted on April 24, 2009
Crazies, Hipsters, Hobos, Homeless, India Indians, Jobs & Careers, Lower East Side, Money & Class, On Cell, Street, Wishes & desires

Who Needs Performance Art When You Have Hobos?

Hobo sitting on bench: Hey man, wanna buy some soap?
Yuppie: Nah… (walks away)
Hobo: Ma'am, would you care for some shoes?
JAP: Hell, naw. (walks away)
Hobo: Hey fella, want to buy some peanut butter?
Old Asian guy, happily: Yes, please!
Hobo: I'm sorry, brother, I don't have any on me. I just wanted to do some product research for a project I'm doing. (pulls out a roll of toilet paper and a sharpie, rips out one square of toilet paper, and writes “peanut butter”)

–23rd St

Posted on April 24, 2009
Asians, Food, Hobos, JAPs, Offers and requests, Old People, Science, Shoes, Street, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Yuppies

Wednesday One-Liners, Now With Delicious Credit Crunch!

Hobo, yelling to crowd: The stimulus plan won't work! The banks have no money! We need to stimulate the banks! You know how? Cocaine and hookers!

–53rd st & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Andrew

Professor: I knew the economy was bad when I saw Saks had layaway. Layaway is for Wal-Mart, not Saks!

–NYU Law

Guy on phone with mother: No, mom! I'm not going to walk on Wall St today. (pause) Because I don't feel like getting hit by a falling body, that's why.

–Broadway & John St

Asian metrosexual to friend entering clothing store: No, I wanna stimulate the economy!

–SoHo

Overheard by: Galatea

Cute young professional: I better be able to go into a bar and say, "I have a job, and it's recession proof. Wanna see what my bed and a Magnum condom look like?"

–72nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Lindsay D.

Guy on cell: I'm telling you, when a place like that switches from Charmin to Duane Reade toilet paper, you know the economy is in the shitter.

–Great Jones & Broadway

Posted on April 22, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Cocaine, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Friends, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Jobs & Careers, Metrosexuals, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Money & Class, NYU, Offers and requests, On Cell, Pick-up Lines, Prostitution, Shopping, Soho, Suicide, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Isn't That the L Train?

Conductor, over PA: We are having signal problems, so the e train is running every ten minutes, and very packed.
Hobo, yelling: Packed full of lesbians!

–E Train

Overheard by: Andrew

Posted on April 20, 2009
Conductors, Gays and Lesbians, Hobos, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Weirdness

She Don't Eat Wednesday One-Liners, But She Sure Like the Bone

Woman: Shut up! Do you want to end up alone eating a bologna sandwich in the drunk tank?

–Ave A & 10th

Overheard by: Kira

Coworker to office: I love meatloaf. I would wear it on my head like a hat.

–6th Ave

Overheard by: The Secret Newsbunny

Woman getting in cab: Fatty Magoo! I'm going to eat the shit out of some ribs!

–24th & 7th Ave

NYU boy to friends: Wait! I'm looking at the wrong site…there's all different kinds of sausages.

–Kimmel Center, NYU

Overheard by: lollin.

Hobo: I don't like beef, I don't like chicken, I don't like ribs…I like pussy!

–Lower East Side

Overheard by: J J

Conductor: Everyone please step aside at the next stop and make room for fresh meat.

–L Train

Overheard by: ooshua

Posted on April 15, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Conductors, Coworkers, Crime and Punishment, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Frat Boys, Friends, Gripes, Hobos, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, Lower East Side, NYU, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Street, Threats, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

If Ned Flanders Were a Black Hobo

Conductor: This is a Queens-bound f express train. So if you don't need express, you better get the hell up off mah train! Stand clear of the closing doors.
Black hobo: Heidi ho, let's go!

–F Train

Posted on April 11, 2009
Black People, Conductors, Directions, Hobos, On the Subway, Public Transportation, TV