Girl to friend: I helped a tourist the other day. That's not me, I'm a bitch.
Hobo, eavesdropping : Yeah, you are.
Girl: What?
Hobo: You're a bitch.
–Union Square
Girl to friend: I helped a tourist the other day. That's not me, I'm a bitch.
Hobo, eavesdropping : Yeah, you are.
Girl: What?
Hobo: You're a bitch.
–Union Square
Gangster kid #1: Are you a Democrat or a Republican?
Gangster kid #2: No! Yo, fuck democracy, I'm a Republican!
–Midtown
Toddler, pointing to the Bronx on subway map: What?
Father: Yeah! That's the Bronx, baby girl! Yankee stadium. Better than the Mets and you best not forget! The Mets suck! The Yankees stink, but the Mets suck.
–L Train
Flamboyant foreigner: I changed my MySpace to say I like girls.
–Washington Square Park
Suit on cell: I'm gonna twitter my fucking ass off tonight.
–City Hall
Overheard by: Samantha Sharifi
Girl on cell: Do they not have people in the US that follow the Blue Book? They have to get some guy from Oxford butt fuck to do it? It's so annoying. It's so annoying! Like, I want to take a strap on and fuck my computer. Well, not my computer, but the guy's computer, for having done this to me.
–11th St & 5th Ave
Middle aged African American woman to group of friends: I'm going on MySpace to comment that she abandoned her child!
–8th Ave & 42nd St
Businesswoman to friend: I just like having a family, you know? And you can't get that on Craigslist.
–33rd St.
Overheard by: Rio
High school girl with iPod: Do you think this church has Wi-Fi?
–St. Paul's Catholic Church
English teacher, telling student how to read play: Brian, you're like Martin Luther King meets 50 Cent!
–English Class, Bronx HS of Science
Overheard by: Lillian
Woman answering cell on bus: You saw Beyoncé? (everyone stares) Sorry. Did you say, "Hi, fiancée," or "I saw Beyoncé"?"
–126 Bus
Loud fat hipster chick: So she said I'm like Britney Spears with Lindsay Lohan's body, because my weight fluctuates like Lohan's. And I'm okay with that, because you know what? Lohan is a great celebrity. I mean, look, Kate Winslet is lovely and all, but what is she doing tonight? Sitting on a couch somewhere, drinking moderately probably. What is Lohan doing? Probably something really gay and coked up. I'd rather be gay and coked up than drinking moderately on a couch, any day of the week.
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: Jas
Metal kid: I smell like Robert Downey, Jr.
–Don Pedro's, Boerum & Manhattan, Brooklyn
Overheard by: LP
Hobo: I always thought Madonna was a trashy white cunt.
–Restaurant Row
Overheard by: Al-master
Guy to girl: You know, I'm sure you're a wonderful lover, and you don't need to be comparing yourself to Lance Armstrong. Like, that's just a fool's game.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Helena
Professor: I hate that bitch so much, I will give you all As for this semester if you sabotage her class.
–Classroom, NYU
Overheard by: queenofscots
Four-year-old boy to mom holding up newspaper clipping of female model: I can't use this, I hate women!
–Union Square
Overheard by: amused
Little blonde girl sitting at table with parents: I hate everyone!
–48th St & 30th Ave
Overheard by: kteezy
Loud girl to man at the counter: Hey, what are you looking at me like that for? (man at the counter shakes head) You know damn well what I am talking about…I love you too. (pause) Nawwww, just kidding…I hate your stinky ass.
–Deli, Nostrand Ave & Kings Highway
Small boy, gleefully: I hate Joe the plumber. Joe, Joe, Joe…I hate Joe.
–Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: me too…
Mom to crying baby: Oh my god, shut the hell up!
–Q Train
Overheard by: Jay
Guido #1, outside gay bar, putting arm around another: Are you aware that this is the faggot spot?
Guido #2: Get the fuck off me, man!
–Union Square
Overheard by: amused
British teen: My god, Americans are so stupid. And they're everywhere.
British mom: Oh, darling… I know, bloody morons. So stupid.
(a block later)
British teen: Mum, where's the Empire State Building?
British mom: Oh honey, that's in Chicago.
–7th and 48th
Drunk loud Jersey girl: Fuck you! Just go to the fucking PATH train, alright? (walks away angrily)
Drunker Jersey guy, yelling: I told you she wants to fuck me!
–Caroline's on Broadway
