Crotchless Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on cell: This is the same girl who has G-strings where her forks and knives should go.

–2nd St & Ave B

Salesgirl: Do you want your boobies up or down?

–Victoria’s Secret, Manhattan Mall

Overheard by: Linda

Woman: I told Terrence not to pack that stuff in my carry-on. Security threw out all my Victoria Secrets!

–Starbucks, La Guardia airport

Overheard by: Allears

Girl: Only fat girls and porn stars wear Ds. I want to be a C!

–Victoria’s Secret, 57th St

Man: Do you want to get some maternity underwear to make you feel sexy?

–Greene St & Prince St

Overheard by: deadzebra

Man: Are you a Jehovah’s Witness? ‘Cause I don’t want you comin’ to my house unless you’re going to drop your panties!

–PATH train

Overheard by: blkgirl

Girl on cell: Dad? Hi. I just bought a lot of panties at Victoria’s Secret. Can you reimburse me? Dad?

–Broadway & Prince St

Overheard by: djingo

Posted on April 21, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Bimbettes, Cashiers, Clothing, Creepsters, Customers, Insults, LaGuardia Airport, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Parents, Porn, Rack, Religion, Shopping, Soho, Starbucks, Store, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, Travel, Union Square and East Village

French Fry Addictions Destroy Lives!

Girl to homeless man #1: Here is my leftover food, if you want it.
Homeless man #1: Thanks.
Homeless man #2: You stupid bitch, why don't you just give him crack?

–Waverly Place & Broadway

Overheard by: SJP

Posted on April 19, 2015
Default, Food, Girls, Hard Drugs, Homeless, Insults, Men, Offers and requests, Questions, Washington Square Park

A Woman's Right to Wednesday One-Liners

Angry black woman: Why these motherfuckers always wearing "right for life" buttons, philosophizing and shit?

–Dallas BBQ, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Mike H

Student: Aborting your baby is so boring now. Everyone does it.

–Bard High School Early College

Drunk loud teenage Latina: Ladies and gentlemen, I am a minority and I have never had an abortion!

–N Train

Overheard by: g-lime

Man on cell: Oh… Oh shit… Well, can't you just take a wire hanger and pull it out? Yeah, just stick the hanger in and pull it right out! Okay? Okay. Bye.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: marge

Fabulous gay guy: So, my coworkers at Olive Garden all wanted to go out for a picnic one day. Our one friend had to work though, so we told her to tell our boss she needed to go get an abortion and she actually did it!

–Life Cafe, Avenue B & 10th St

Overheard by: Rachel W.

Posted on April 18, 2015
Abortion, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Drunks, Insults, Latinos, Lies, Lower East Side, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, Philosophy, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Staten Island Ferry, Students, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Women

Sure, But You Don't Want to Actually Write That on the Mortgage Application

Guy #1: You know how people say that if you give homeless people money, all they'll buy is drugs and alcohol?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: Well, fuck, that's what I would buy!

–9th St & University Place

Overheard by: Jazz

Headline by: bq

Runners-Up:
· “Behold, the Democratic Stimulus Plan!” – The Trayster
· “I Guess That Explains the Cardboard Box You Live In…” – Timmy
· “I Mean, After I Paid Off My Credit Card Debt, Of Course” – 1310 (formerly SNA)
· “Michael Phelps Has an Epiphany” – JohnnyB
· “Mickey Rourke’s Comeback Was Short-Lived” – Sing it sister!
· “That’s Why You Don’t Have Full Access to Your Trust Fund” – Keith

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on April 18, 2015
Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Guys, Headline Contest Winners, Homeless, Insults, Money & Class, Panhandling, The Village

Throw in Some Shuffleboard and It's Bordering on Mad Pimpin'

Bartender: Both of the bars have indoor Bocce courts.
Texan: That is bad ass!

–Stand, 12th b/w 5th & University

Posted on April 17, 2015
Bartenders, Insults, Southerners, Sports, The Village

…And We've Been Together Ever Since.

20-something burnout: Would you like to know what this girl said last night, when she was tripping balls and the cops came to my house?
Friend: She thought she was in a nursing home!
20-something burnout: She was screaming all this crazy stuff. (pause) Wait, are you offended by dirty words?
Friend: Go for it.
20-something burnout: “You dick!”
Friend: Excuse me?
20-something burnout: “You fucking nigger faggot! Bitch-ass spic! I'm a fucking lesbian! You're a fucking lesbian!”

–Mineola Ave, Queens

Posted on April 16, 2015
Cops, Crazies, Crazy, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Insults, Nicknames & name calling, Queens

Wednesday One-Liner Cheney

NYU frat boy to another: Remember that time you popped that zit on my dick?!

–Waverly Place & Broadway

Overheard by: lezbotron

Older suit to younger suit: If you want people to move out of your way you just gotta say shit like: pussy, dick, cunt! (people move out of the way) See?

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Brad

Thug to another, exiting a deli: The Salvation Army can suck my dick.

–Stanton & Ludlow

Overheard by: CN

Girl wearing hijab: That depends on whose dick it is!

–Hunter College, 68th & Lexington

Overheard by: off white

Posted on April 16, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Brooklyn, Delis, Frat Boys, Girls, Hunter, Insults, Lower East Side, One-liners, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Street, Suits, The Village, Thugs, Upper East Side, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Then How Can I Be a Jerk Off, Brainiac?

Man #1, annoyed at being pushed: You don't have to push!
Man #2: Well, it was really crowded.
Woman: Welcome to New York!
Man #1, to woman: Your mother!
Woman: That's mature! What are you, in the 5th grade? Grow up, jerk-off!
Man #1: Suck my dick!
Woman: You don't got one, honey!

–F Train

Overheard by: Alliem