Wednesday One‐Liners Go Looking for a Vein

Girl #1 to girl #2: Wouldn’t you just rather have a night where we just get really high and scissor?

–Grand & Union, Brooklyn

Guy on cell: So they’re smoking crack and fucking on his mother’s bed!

–17^th & 8^th Ave

Overheard by: Dave

Little kid: Look, I’m on crack!

–Apple Store, Staten Island Mall

Overheard by: Robert

Junkie to junkie companion, standing in front of Band‐Aids: I need to test positive for methadone and negative for everything else…

–Walgreens, Union Square

Hobo on train: Does anyone have any money for me? Any food? Any opium? Lots and lots of opium?

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: left my opium stash at home

20‐something blond girl on cell: You just have to convince them that you care more about college than you do about drugs, and they’ll give you another chance…that’s what I did!

–Chinatown Bus

Overheard by: GavinJoyce

Tourist: So I called her up and said, “Come down or you’re going to miss breakfast, and I want to have breakfast with you.” And all she said was, “I really like opium.” and I was like, “Oh, okay.”

–33^rd & 7^th

Overheard by: EthanK

Posted on June 10, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Druggies, Drugs, Education, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hard Drugs, Hobos, Kids, Malls, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Sexuality, Staten Island, Store, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Nobody Quite Knows What to Make Of Transfatty

Tween thugette #1, at a cologne display: I’ma get this for him for Christmas, cause he a homo! He a hydrogenate!
Tween thugette #2: No, he ugly!

–Target, Atlantic Center

Overheard by: Ashley

Posted on May 28, 2015
Beauty, Brooklyn, Gays and Lesbians, Gifts, Malls, Store, Thugs, Tweens

Haley Joel Osment Seems to Get Worse Roles Every Year

Teen #1: Are we there yet?
Teen #2: It’s right over there.
Teen #3 (screaming): I see it! I see Atlas! It’s white, I see it.
Bus driver: Yeah, and I see dead people across the street…you don’t hear me screaming.

–Q29 Bus, Atlas Park Mall

Posted on April 6, 2015
Bus Drivers, Colors, Death, Directions, Malls, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Teens, Weirdness

If It Weren’t for Them, the Rest Of Us Could Walk Around Naked

Teenage daughter to mother, in front of Ashley Stewart: How about there? I’m sure they have some cute dresses.
Mother: Ashley Stewart is for fat people, honey. (points to three plus‐size women entering store)

–Kings Plaza

Posted on March 10, 2015
Brooklyn, Clothing, Diet/Weight, Families, Malls, Moms, Parents, Physical appearance, Questions, Shopping, Teens

A Fact for Which I Can’t Help Feeling Some Responsibility

Teen girl #1: Yo, you ever learned about the Holocaust?
Teen girl #2: Nah, I ain’t never studied no holocost. I ain’t never learned about no wars.
Teen girl #1: Except the Civil War.
Teen girl #2: Damn, high school was shit.

–Target, Atlantic Center

Posted on March 3, 2015
Education, History & Geography, Hitler/Nazis, Malls, School and studying, Store, Teens, War, Words

My Taxes Are Paid, Sir!

Very drunk African American guy to sober white guy: Yo, Wesley Snipes! You got any change?
Sober white guy: First of all, I’m not Wesley Snipes…

–Fulton Mall, Brooklyn

Posted on February 14, 2015
Black People, Brooklyn, Drunks, Malls, Nicknames & name calling, Panhandling, White People

Wednesday One‐Minors

Two‐year‐old, pointing to Citibank: That’s my bank!

–7^th Ave & President St, Park Slope

Overheard by: But who’s your insurance carrier?

Nine‐year old boy on cell: Well, you know what? Fuck you! I’m going home! (slams cell shut and begins strutting across parking lot)

–Parking Lot, Staten Island Mall

Overheard by: WTF????

Ten‐year‐old girl in bathing suit to seven‐year‐old girl: Stop touching my ass. Whore!

–Park, Astoria

Little girl to group of little girls: Raise your hand if you’re allergic to penicillin!

–R Train

Overheard by: cole

Little girl to friends, pointing at platform: That’s where hobos live!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

Three‐year‐old boy, eating hamburger: Cock cock cock cock!

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Alexis from Texas

Kid in cart at end of dairy aisle as man he came in with goes down aisle: Ssomeone’s gonna take me! Someone’s take me!

–Stop & Shop, Kingsbridge, Bronx

Overheard by: Krisztina

Posted on January 2, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Astoria, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friends, Health and Hygiene, Home, Sweet Home, Homeless, Insults, Kids, Malls, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Parks, Penis, Staten Island, Street, Stupidity, The Bronx, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Spoken Like Someone Who’s Never Shopped at H&M

Teen girl: She said money don’t grow on trees but yeah it do. Money made of paper, paper made from trees.
20‐something‐guy: Actually, US currency is printed on cotton.
Teen boy: Cotton?
20‐something‐guy: Yeah, they use denim, like jeans.
Teen girl: My jeans don’t be rippin like money, they using some low grade shit.

–Staten Island Mall Bus Stop

Overheard by: ryn

Posted on December 24, 2014
Animals & Nature, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, Malls, Money & Class, On the Bus, Questions, Staten Island, Teens

Rinse, Repeat

Teen girl #1: Wait, so you just let him do you in the butt? You let him sodomize you?
Teen girl #2: It wasn’t bad. I couldn’t shit for a few days, though. So I took some laxatives, then I shit myself in the mall yesterday.

–Liberty Island

Overheard by: binja

Posted on October 25, 2014
Backdoor, Malls, Poop, Sex, Teens, Tourist Attractions

Our First Quasi‐Celebrity Submission

A woman wearing a Mick Jagger shirt is approached by a model, who tells her: I like your shirt.

Then the model calls her son (about four) over and says: Look at her shirt. That’s his dad, you know.

[Turns out that she wasn’t joking; the model’s name is Luciana Morad.]

–Time Warner Center Mall

Posted on September 6, 2014
About Celebrities, Celebrities, Malls

Malls