Every One-Liner Has Its Wednesday

Well-dressed black girl to well-groomed black standard poodle with owner: Oh, look at your nice hair! You work it girl!

–22nd St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Tigertail

Middle-age woman to overgroomed poodle, as it takes a dump in the middle of the sidewalk: Ohhhhh! Charlie, that's looking a bit creamy! Yum, yum! (pause as the dog sniffs his mess) No, don't eat it!

–14th St & University Place

Overheard by: Bee

Crazy hobo in wheelchair, to small dog on leash passing by: Meow. Meow! Meow!

–Union Square

Large black man to his shaggy dog: Just because it's there doesn't mean you can pee on it. That's a nice bike!

–9th St & 50th St

Overheard by: EmGusk

Man trying to control his barking dog: No! No anxiety! Bad dog! No anxiety!

–St. Mark's & Ave A

Overheard by: french bulldog with narcissism

Posted on February 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Beauty, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crazies, Food, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Hair, Hobos, Man's Best Friend, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Pee, Poop, Psychology, Street, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wheelbos, Women

A Wednesday One-Liner by Any Other Word Would Smell As Sweet

Sikh guy: I know a guy from high school who wore a name tag for eight years.

–W 4th St

Man on cell: You know, what's-her-face, she's friends with what's-her-name in HR.

–54th & 6th

Aging Guido: So there was this girl, I loved her, what was her name? Oh right, Nina. She lived in this fucked-up place. She said she had one kid, I went over one time, there were like three. Anyway, one time she was all like, "could I get three thousand pesos?" or whatever, and I was like, "Sure, if I get to fuck you and your friend!"

–1 Train

Mother to whiny brunette daughter: If you don't stop complaining I'm going to change your name. (pause) Yes, I'm going to change your name to Merlot, and your sister will be Chardonnay.

–61st & Madison

Overheard by: nancy

Small girl to unsuspecting male stranger: Excuse me! Excuse me! Excuse me! (indicating mother) Her name's Sophia.

–M 96 Bus

Posted on February 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Drinking & Drunk People, Friendship, Guidos, India Indians, Kids, Love, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Money & Class, Names, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Sex, Strangers, Street, The Village, Time, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday Sung Liners

Blonde middle aged woman, singing, to the tune of "Winter Wonderland": Walking in a Weeeeeiner Wonderland…

–Food Store, 57th St

Hobo, rummaging in trash, to tune of "Blue Suede Shoes": One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, now go, cat, go. Gonna rob this town, rob this town tonight.

–79th & Broadway

Overheard by: thevineyard

am New York guy, singing loudly: Get am New York! Stay dry! Thank god you're aliiiiiiive!

–Union Square Subway Entrance

Hobo, singing while passing by shopping cart: Push, push in the bush, yeah, push it in the bush!

–16th St & 5th Ave

Gay gentleman, singing in response to another gay gentleman dancing down the street in pouring rain: He's gayer in the rain, he's gayer in the rain!

–W 23rd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Jess

Man to Spanish guy singing "La Bamba": Shut the fuck up!

–51st St Station

Posted on February 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Food, Free stuff!, Gays and Lesbians, Grocery Stores, Guys, Happiness, Hobos, Insults, Latinos, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, One-liners, Only in New York, Queer guys, Shopping, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Thievery, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Keith Was Hired by the Tour Company to Represent the Spirit Of the City

Man, shouting to a tour bus: Hey, you guys like New York!
Tourists, all in unison: Yeah!
Man: Well, go fuck yourself!

–Bryant Park

Posted on February 3, 2009
Bryant Park, Insults, Men, Only in New York, Tourism, Tourists, Weirdness

Or We'll Have to Show You Who's Boss

Man walking around with “Truth about Lennon” sign, repeatedly yelling: Hey, all you hairless gorillas! Hey, all you Bruce Springsteen killers!
Guy sitting on blanket: Hey man, leave Bruce out of this!

–Sheep's Meadow, Central Park

Overheard by: mdh

Posted on February 3, 2009
Central Park, Guys, Hair, Insults, Men, Murder, Music, Weirdness

If Only There Were a Way to Get Unmarried…

Lady, about gentleman's twin sister: Is she still married?
Gentleman: Unfortunately. I keep telling her, if she'd just shot him fifteen years ago, she'd be out of jail by now. She's not any better off now.

–G Train

Overheard by: Meghan M.

Posted on February 2, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Marriage, Men, Murder, On the Subway, Prison, Shoot, Weirdness, Women

The Day Rebecca Went Against the Grain

Middle Eastern man surrounded by bags of rice: Would you like to buy some rice?
Young woman: No, thanks.
Middle Eastern man: But it's good rice. Good strong rice.
Young woman: Oh, I've got plenty of rice at home.
Middle Eastern man: But your rice no good. This rice much better.
Woman (offended, screaming): You don't know what kind of rice I eat!
(long pause)
Middle Eastern man, sheepishly: Only $20.

–F Train

Overheard by: really wondering what kind of rice she eats

Posted on January 29, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Food, Men, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Vendors & Street Performers, Women

Peanut, Pinenut, Ground Nut, Wednesday One-Liner Nut…

Ghetto girl: Hmm, I know what a peanut is, but what a walnut is?

–147th & Broadway

Man on cell: It's quite possible that my left nut is bigger than my right nut.

–82nd & Broadway

Girlfriend to boyfriend: So that's why Yoda sounds like busting a nut!

–Ave A & 6th St

Guy to friend: I've been bitten in the nuts by two different Scottish Terriers.

–7th Ave b/w 24th & 25th

Overheard by: Carmen

Guy on cell: I'm just like an anorexic. Every time they look in the mirror, they think "I'm not skinny enough," but I look in the mirror and think "these pants aren't tight enough," even though everyone tells me they can see my nuts.

–L Train

Posted on January 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Balls, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Food, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Height, Man's Best Friend, Men, Movies, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Street, Trees and plants, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

But the Mooses and the Geesies Don't Seem to Have That Problem

Man: There's an overpopulation of deer in the country.
Girl: Deers!
Man: Right, deers.

–Prospect Park Boathouse

Posted on January 26, 2009
Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Girls, Men, Parks, Weirdness

How Tourists Learn to Pretend to Be Deaf

Man: I'm sorry to disturb you, but was I mean to you in junior high school? You look just like her and I just want to apologize for anything mean I may have said to you.
Girl: I am not her.
Man: Wow, really? You look just like her and I want to say I'm sorry. So will you forgive me?
Girl: I am not her.
Man: But will you accept my apology?
Girl: I'm not her, um, but, um sure?
Man: You seem so hesitant, where are you from?
Girl: Arizona.
Man: Ahhh, Arizona! Did you come up with that outfit yourself.

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Overheard by: TheNewPaul

Posted on January 25, 2009
Apologies, Girls, Men, Physical appearance, Questions, School and studying, Store, Union Square and East Village

Men