Wednesdays You Don't Need, at One-Liners You Can't Afford

Guy rushing past crowd: Why would I go to work on the day of Barneys Warehouse sale…are you insane?

–78th & Broadway

20-something white guy: Enough of this hippie shit. Let's go to the four floor Abercrombie.

–Strawberry Fields

Overheard by: Alison

Girl: I was so depressed. I actually almost bought that leather jacket from Express. Whose bright idea was it to have the MCAT testing center in a shopping district?

–1 Train

20-something woman to another: Wow, it's just like the Westchester mall here, only outside.

–Bleecker & W 10th

Very Caucasian tourist: Holy frick! Where is The Gap?

–42nd & Broadway

Middle aged woman in hot pink, yelling: I won't shop today! I will not shop! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I will not fucking shop today! I won't shop! Fuck you!

–Urban Outfitters

Posted on January 14, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Crazy, Girls, Guys, Insults, Jobs & Careers, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Questions, School and studying, Shopping, Store, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Tourism, Tourists, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Women

The Misunderestimated Phraseoids of Wednesday One-Liners

Blonde chick to dude: Isn't he, like, koreish?

–F Train

Dude on cell: It's not even like a relationship, it's all texting, it's a textationship.

–22nd & 1st

Overheard by: loves it

Girl on cell: She was all slippy and shit.

–SoHo

Student to another: The trouble with you is that you got the wrong misconception.

–Broadway & 116th

Overheard by: Cousin Al

Mom, upon examining young son's pruney toes: Jake! What's wrong with your toe? Look, the skin is coming off, it's like you're molding! Just like a little bird! Your foot is molding!

–Prep School Swimming Pool

Overheard by: I dream of Jean

Teen on payphone: Listen! Mah words isn't what I'm sayin!

–Fulton & Broadway

Overheard by: Mondo Man

Woman on cell: You thought he was gonna shit on you? Sit? Spit? You gonna need to step up your English game.

–Fulton Street Subway Station

Overheard by: Johnny Twisto

Posted on January 14, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Poop, Questions, Relationships, School, Smegma, Soho, Students, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

I Swear I'm Wearing This Trash Bag Ironically

Drunk man: I'm sitting between a homeless man and a hipster!
Supposed homeless man: I'm the hipster, right?

–L Train

Overheard by: Raine, Michelle, Pamela, Carrie, Lauren

Posted on January 12, 2009
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Homeless, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Strangers

And More Importantly, Inflation-Indexed

Boyfriend: I'd totally go to Jedi church.
Girlfriend: Why won't you come to my alien church, but you'll go to Jedi church?
Dorky third wheel: Cuz Jedis are real.

–V Train

Posted on January 12, 2009
Church, Couples, Movies, On the Subway, Weirdness

And Her Uvula

Flamboyant gay man: This is like when we saw Equus.
Lesbian biker chick: Oh, I forgot you saw that! How was it?
Flamboyant gay man: It was good. Except the actress puts her leg up on the horse like this (demonstrates by lifting his leg in the air) and I could totally see her tonsils…through her vajayjay.

–E Train

Overheard by: Sarah

Posted on January 10, 2009
Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Lesbians, On the Subway, Queer guys, Theater & Dance, Vagina

Ad: This Explanation Is Brought to You by the MTA As a Public Service

20-something woman: You know a lot of people are busy. Too busy to talk to you.
20-something man: What do you mean?
20-something woman: If you tried to talk to me when I got off the train, I would keep walking.
20-something man: Why?
20-something woman: Some people work hard and are too busy to talk to you. I am one of them.

–Q Train

Overheard by: Paula

Posted on January 10, 2009
Jobs & Careers, Men, On the Subway, Questions, Time, Women

I Want to Be an Essential, Not an Accessory

Guy #1: I think impotency is one of my greatest fears.
Guy #2: Sex with no potency is pointless. Take the venom out of a snake, whaddaya got? A belt!

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: Anna P.

Posted on January 10, 2009
Fears, Guys, Health and Hygiene, On the Subway, Sex

Anything for a Laugh, You Know?

Blonde girl: I saw that really handsome guy on the bus yesterday, and I was so happy cuz I haven't seen him in a month. I actually got really close to him, too. But the worst thing happened.
Brunette girl: Oh, that like, 40-year-old hot guy? What, was he like, hideously disfigured up close or something? Did he smell like bologna?
Blonde girl: No. He was gorgeous and perfect as usual. It was much worse. I was listening to my iPod, and I noticed he was talking on the phone. I turned my iPod down to hear his voice, finally, and it…it was not good.
Brunette girl: Not god?
Blonde girl: It was like fucking Ray Romano. With the honk and the accent and the shrill nasal whine! I wanted to die! I wanted to die.

–R Train

Posted on January 8, 2009
About Celebrities, Beauty, Bimbettes, Compare/Contrast, Happiness, iPod, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, Sensory Experiences

Sure Hope Carlos Likes Kool-Aid

Black guy: Damn! You got a pretty face!
(pretty Latina turns around and ignores him)
Black guy (taking seat halfway down train): Dang! How you going to turn around on me like that?
(pretty Latina ignores him)
Black guy (very loudly): How are you going to turn around like that?
(pretty Latina now looks embarrassed)
Black guy (pulling out guitar from case): This song goes out to the girl with the pretty face! She's over there! With the long hair and the boots!
(people turn and look, pretty Latina looks very embarrassed now)
Black guy (singing to tune of “My Girl”): Come on everyone! Even the white people–join in! (sings) I've got sunshine, on a cloudy day. When it's cold outside, I've got the month of may.
(people start to join in, pretty Latina's friends are cheering and singing)
Black guy (singing): My girl! She's got black boots! The one with the long hair! C'mon girl! If you let me take you home…I'll…I'll…make you some Kool-Aid!
(pretty Latina gets off train)
Black guy: Ah, hell no! (pause). Alright, this one's for the guy with the ball! (pointing to guy with soccer ball under arm) His name's Carlos! He's from Puerto Rico!

–2 Train

Posted on January 8, 2009
Beauty, Black People, Drinks, Friends, Hair, Latinos, Music, On the Subway, Passengers, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Race, Shoes

Why, Grandmother, What Big Wednesday One-Liners You Have!

Dude to girl: Just yesterday I was smoking a joint and my grandma was all "that smells good, Johnny, that smells good."

–Hop Scotch Cafe

Overheard by: bildita

Girl: Speaking of back-door entry, my grandma sent me an e-mail the other day.

–A Train

Overheard by: naiad

Woman: He's just lucky I learned some tricks from his great grandma.

–Dekalb Ave & Ashland Place

Guy to girl: You look like one of them li'l ass frilly dolls my grandma have on her bed. Cute. (girl stares) What, I'm not gonna get a thank-you for that?

–Canal St.

Overheard by: The

Girl to friend: And so my grandmother was that mail order bride!

–Beauty Salon, East Village

Overheard by: moca

Posted on January 7, 2009
Ass, Backdoor, Beauty, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Guys, Internet, Marriage, On the Subway, One-liners, Pick-up Lines, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Women

On the Subway