Old lady on bus noticing woman outside running trying to get the bus!
(bus driver stops and picks woman up)
Old lady to woman as she walks by her on the bus: See that? It's because you're good looking!
–Q43 Bus, Queens
Old lady on bus noticing woman outside running trying to get the bus!
(bus driver stops and picks woman up)
Old lady to woman as she walks by her on the bus: See that? It's because you're good looking!
–Q43 Bus, Queens
Hipster turned emo #1: So, I was thinking that I should just dye my hair black, wear a lot of dark eyeliner, and talk about how much my mom hates me.
Hipster turned emo #2: I think that's a great idea, but you also need to stop representing yourself as a happy individual, and make sure that the black eyeliner has that smudgy look.
Goth fat kid with way too many piercings: Shut the fuck up already. You're wasting my oxygen.
–Union Square
Dude #1: Dude, you're gonna love pediatrics!
Dude #2: Dude, I know. Dude! I was at the clinic, and there was this girl, you know, already laid back in the chair. She was waiting for something, I don't know, I don't know what she was waiting for, but she was already back in the chair, and… dude, she was sick hot. Like, she was a local, but she looked like a Dominican Jennifer Lopez.
Dude #1: Dude, you're gonna have so much fun with that!
Dude #2: I know, dude. I'm gonna fuckin lay my talons into that shit. Single moms? There are gonna be a ton of single moms! Third year? Good times, dude!
Dude #1: (chuckles into the stunned silences of dudes #3 and #4)
Dude #2: I'm glad I took ethics, dude. Shit, ethics? I didn't really learn a whole lot from ethics, dude.
Dudes #3 and #4: (amplified stunned silence)
–Butler Library, Columbia University
Overheard by: Lili
Guy to stranger, about girl who just left: Yo, that your girl?
Stranger: Nah, she a friend.
(silence)
Guy: She look like her mother?
Stranger: Does she?
Guy: I don't know, I'm asking you.
–McDonald's, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Julio C
Woman: So, my boyfriend has been listening to the Dreamgirls soundtrack all week. He loves that Jennifer Hudson song.
Guy friend: He's gay?
Woman: He is not gay.
Guy friend: Yeah, maybe he just thinks Jennifer Hudson is hot.
Woman: Oh god. He is gay!
–23rd & 6th
Girl: She doesn't have sex.
Gay guy: Ugh. Why not? She looks like a dirty whore.
Girl: I don't know…
Gay guy: Like the kind of whore you'd spit on after cumming on her face.
–Bryant Park
Guy: Do I look like I ordered strawberries and cream? I have tattoos on my head and face!
–Starbucks
Being a full-time tranny is like having a tattoo on your forehead. Like, you can't work, like, what do you do?
–Brooklyn
Customer to another, about barber: Take him for example, he was in the special forces. He's got a big tattoo on his arm that says, "Kill 'em all, let god sort 'em out." Drop him off in Prospect Park today and tomorrow he'll be eating a sandwich.
–Park Slope Barber Shop
Overheard by: ian daywalker
Chatty young woman to bored-looking guy friend: You know, my shoes would really look a lot better if I had a foot tattoo.
–D Train
Man with tattoo that reads "don't go to hell" to friend: There's a funny story behind this tattoo. I was dating this bitch, and she would wake up every morning and suck my dick. Or fuck the shit out of me. And then tell me I was going to hell. You have no idea what this bitch put me through. I mean, sexually, she was great. We'd go out to bars and both of us would pick up chicks, so that by the end of the night we'd have two or three women hanging around us trying to go home with us.
–Chipotle
Overheard by: Jana
Little girl to sister: It has 140 calories in it, that could like… kill you.
–Food Emporium, 68th & Broadway
Blonde girl on phone: Yeah, I need to lose like 30 pounds but the problem is that I got my body used to food.
–224th St & Jamaica Avenue
Teen girl, after being caught with empty beer cans: No! Trust me, it wasn't me. I don't drink beer, it has way too many calories!
–Park Slope
40-something mom to chubby daughter with YMCA gymnastics shirt: Don't eat here, go to CVS! Get some mints… you'll be fine.
–Wendy's At Metropolitan Ave. and Woodhaven Blvd, Queens
Overheard by: D. Scibe
Very old, overweight mother to old less overweight daughter: I need to lose 20 pounds, but you, you need to lose 40 pounds. When you're as skinny as her (points at woman working at register), then I'll buy you carrot cake!
–168th & Broadway
Overheard by: Alison R.
Women in Morbidly obesity couple walking hand in hand. The woman says "harry, I hate it when we're on separate starvation schedules."
–7th St & First Ave
Dude: Do boobs need a reason?
–Perdition bar, 49th & 10th
Overheard by: Brokeass Harem
Guy: This is high school. Breasts are usually an effective way of determining gender.
–Stuyvesant High School
Old woman with Julie Andrews accent: I used to be quite buxom!
–Chinese Restaurant, 55th & 6th
Wife to husband: Did you see the tits on that Santa?
–Outside Penn Station, During SantaCon
Curvy woman on cell: Accessories? Oh please. My breasts are accessory enough.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: McFreaky
Guy on cell: How can you be happy if you're acting like such a bitch all time?
–Melrose Ave & 154th St
Puerto Rican barista, as A-Team music starts playing: The A-Team! Man, that makes me think of when I was young and still happy!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Chris K.
30-something woman: I'm going to see Transformers. Transformers! Daa naa na naaa! You have to be happy in life, everybody is dying.
–34th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Frank Molla
Girl on cell, vehemently: I'm trying brown eyeliner. I hope this makes you happy!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Ashley
20-something girl: Just put some alcohol in me and I'll be happy.
–St. Mark's Place
