Wednesday One-Liners Are Bursting with Fruit Flavor

Punk rocker to ghetto chick: Say…you ever been fucked by a smelly guy in a banana suit?

–J Train

Overheard by: Markthrone

Loud, laughing redhead on cell: Ha ha! I'll plant another pear tree, and that will be Tricia!

–W 57th St

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Brosef to girls (oddly aggressively): Which do you like more, bananas or oranges? Say it!

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Rooting for bananas

Guy on cell: Did you order the poster of the banana?

–Central Park

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

Overachiever mom to 5-year-old girl: No, I'm not saying that you have to have a piece of fruit. I'm saying that when we get there, you'll get to choose. It'll be your choice. You can choose fruit or you can choose a granola bar. (pause) Of course, fruit is the healthier choice.

–7th Ave & 26th St

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Heavily tattooed man: So we started playing this game. We shoved grapes up her ass, and she had to drop them in a martini glass.

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Housey

Posted on September 24, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Backdoor, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Fruit, Guys, Kink, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Punks, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

She Drinks Because Her Parents Named Her BJ

Drunk punk #1: How was your date with BJ?
Drunk punk #2: She got wasted and passed out in her hallway.
Drunk punk #1: Awesome!

–Bouncing Souls Concert, Webster Hall

Posted on September 18, 2008
Clubs, Dating, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Punks, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Why James Dean Wouldn’t Be Able to Get Laid Today

Punk girl: Can I get a cigarette?
Punk boy: You don’t smoke, do you?
Punk girl: No.
Punk boy: You just wanted a fucking excuse to talk to me, didn’t you?
Punk girl: Not anymore, arrogant cocksucker. (walks away)
Punk boy: Wait! I changed my mind! Come back, I have a cigarette!

–St Mark’s Place

Posted on July 8, 2008
Boys, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Insults, Offers and requests, Punks, Questions, Smokers & Smoking, Smoking, Union Square and East Village

“Let’s Get Ready to Wednesday One-Liiiiiiiner!”

Bimbette: So yesterday he called me to tell me that he’s going to beat my ass, and then he calls me today to ask if he can use my CD player.

–Staten Island Mall

Overheard by: Robert

Seven-year-old girl: She better watch herself before I pimp slap her.

–Amsterdam Projects

Girl, to rest of her punk skater group: But I be like: "Bitch, I don’t skate… I just beat bitches with it."

–Astor Place & Broadway

Overheard by: Jynx

Lady on cell: Is someone else going to smack you?

–1 Train

Overheard by: Krisztina

Man on cell: What… You flubbed what? Listen dude, I’m in midtown, but it’s too far a cab ride to come beat a grown man’s ass.

–W Hotel, 49th & Lex

Overheard by: Miami Hitman

Bus driver to angry man: You want a piece of this? There are 26 places on the body that can kill you instantly. I can hit 4 in one shot. You wanna dance?!

–M16 Bus

Overheard by: nora!

Posted on June 4, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Bimbettes, Bitch-slap, Body Parts, Bus Drivers, Girls, Hotels, Insults, Kids, Malls, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Punks, Questions, Skaters, Staten Island, The Village, Threats, Violence, Weirdness, Women

Don’t Bite the Hand That Steers You

Bus driver, on loudspeaker: If your stop is Main street, please get off here.
Punk high school kid in back of bus: Fuckin’ asshole!
Bus driver, on loudspeaker: Yo mama.

–Q88 Bus

Overheard by: quite amused

Posted on May 18, 2008
Boys, Bus Drivers, Default, Directions, Insults, Offers and requests, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Punks, Teens

Relax– It’s About Sour Cream

Punk #1, singing: What would you do with a dollop? A dollop? A –
Punk #2: Stop singing that shit!

–Washington Square Park

Posted on April 18, 2008
Default, Offers and requests, Punks, Singing, Violence, Washington Square Park

Hot Wednesday-on-Wednesday One-Liners

Random guy, singing loudly: Leeeesbian seagull!

–South Street Sea Port

Overheard by: Ger-Man in New York

Thug: Shit! I have to get my teacher a present. Its so hard. She’s like butch… You know what I’m saying? Shes got short hair and don’t wear earrings -like that chick [points to a woman who can obviously hear the conversation and looks affronted.] Yeah lady, you like the pussy!

–F Train

Drunk girl: You wanna know why I’m a lesbian? When I was crawling out of my mothers vagina I tasted that shit. And that shit was good. I just had to keep going back for more.

–Odessa’s, Ave A

Overheard by: Dannia Alfonso

Hardcore lesbian tourist #1 to hardcore lesbian tourist #2: Hey! Beaver Street! Let’s eat down there.

–Beaver St , Hanover Square

Overheard by: WallStGuy

Black teen punk girl, arguing with boyfriend: No, I’m gonna go become a lesbian now. Big. Huge. Les. Bo.

–V Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Buff guy: But now they’ll know I’m a lesbian.

–Christopher & Bleecker

Overheard by: Colleen

Posted on April 16, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Black People, Drunks, Family Ties, Fears, Gays and Lesbians, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Lesbians, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Punks, Questions, Singing, Teens, The Village, Threats, Thugs, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Words

Uncle Tom’s Wednesday One-Liners

Short, fat sista: If she was only around my age, then I wouldn’t mind a slave for life.

–27th & 7th

Overheard by: tuna on rye

White guy in scrubs: Wow. Now I know what it felt like to be in the bottom of a slave ship.

–Crowded Franklin Ave 2/3/4/5 platform, Brooklyn

Overheard by: pmd

Punk girl to friend: I’m going to make him my Ukrainian sex slave!

–N 4th St & Driggs Ave

Overheard by: Hipsterrrrrs

Dude: Yeah, well, let me say this in English — she got arrested for selling people…

–Madison Square Garden

Black girl watching Asian girl mop floor: Slavery is back!

–NYFA, Union Square

Overheard by: kswin

Posted on March 19, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Default, Doctors, Fat People, Foreigners, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, History & Geography, Madison Square Garden, Penn Station, Punks, S&M, The Bronx, Union Square and East Village, White People, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are Gonna Buy You a Mocking Bird

Girl on cell: … That basically means your mother’s a whore.

–WaMu Bank, Staten Island

Overheard by: staten’s most hated

Guy: My mom was yelling at me, and at that moment I became aware of my consciousness. I mean, I really became aware of my being! I was at the top of the stairs, just thinking about the universe. That’s when I knew I really existed.

–Westway Diner

Thug: I’m gonna smack my mother’s monkey!

–Union Square

Overheard by: confabulation Nation

Employee on intercom: Yo’ mama, call extension 319*. Yo’ mama, 319.

–TJ Maxx, 6th Ave

Punk rocker to punk girlfriend: My mother knows what you are.

–11th & 1st

Young boy skipping by elevators, singing: Step on a crack and you break your mother’s back… [Begins stomping] Take that, mother! And that, mother! And that, mother…!

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: SBS

Posted on March 19, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bank, Boys, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Couples, Coworkers, Default, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, Museum of Natural History, Office, On Cell, Philosophy, Punch, Punks, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Staten Island, Store, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

While I Listen to Beethoven’s Fifth

Punk chick: So, what do you masturbate to?
Punk singer: What do you mean, what do I masturbate to?
Punk chick: Like, what do you look at?
Punk singer: I guess I look at my dick.

–CBGB

Overheard by: Jimmy Guthrie

Posted on January 25, 2008
CBGB, Masturbation, Punks, Questions

Punks