Teenage kid: How long have you been waiting for the bus?
Old lady: Since I was your age.
–Main St, Queens Blvd
Teenage kid: How long have you been waiting for the bus?
Old lady: Since I was your age.
–Main St, Queens Blvd
8-year-old: Today Jahzeer and Wassef told Steven he was gay and lesbian! And Steven started to cry!
Older sister: Oh. And did you tell them that wasn’t very nice?
8-year-old: No. The teacher started yelling at them! It was very entertaining. I was excited to be there.
–Corona, Queens
Overheard by: Amy
Big old lady yelling at MTA employee: Of course they're not coming! They're too busy fucking! Masturbating! Eating donuts!
–53rd & Lexington Subway Station
Girl to friend: Oh my god, he does things to me that make masturbation seem like bland oatmeal!
–14th & 3rd
Overheard by: TheOneThatGotAway
Teen to friend: Seriously, if I was a guy for a day, all I'd do is piss standing up and masturbate.
–Queens Center Food Court
Guy on cell: Dude, if I didn't jerk off a couple times a day I'm pretty sure I'd be a serial rapist.
–Penn Station
Short nerdy businessman to another: I didn't know I was going out with her when I beat off.
–15th St & 9th St
Overheard by: Spicoli
Blond scruffy short man on headset: Do you really think girls would go for that? You think a girl would, for a chance to win $500, watch me masturbate?
–R Train
20-something college student: I saw the movie Australia the other day, and I couldn't understand anything because they all had English accents.
–2 Train
Indian woman with accent, recalling story to husband: So I called up customer service, and right away the woman said "Oh, priti, you must be Indian". I said "No, I am not." I was like "What? Are you kidding me? I call customer service and they put me through to India? Then she said "Have you ever been to India?", I was like "No, I have not, is it nice?"
–Jackson Heights
Overheard by: Marie Z.
10-year-old girl, emoting mockingly for her minder: And I can see *Russia* from my *house*!
–74th & Broadway
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Woman on cell: It's okay, I've got a plan. We'll move to Mexico, buy a lemonade stand by buying parts from a guy called Javier, earn some money, then smuggle ourselves and our belongings over the border to America, where no one will know what happened.
–5th Ave
30-something to friend: Apparently all of England's problems can't be solved by strangling an old guy!
–Roosevelt Island
Homeless man: Can anyone spare some change for a homeless man? Can anyone spare a penny, nickel, or dime? Penny, nickel, or dime?
Subway doors close.
Homeless man: Oh, shit, wait, I got to get off this train! Get out of my way!
Subway rider: You’re not going to get much with that sales pitch.
–N train, Queensborough Plaza
Overheard by: Josh Shurtleff
Old woman to cop, looking down at man on sidewalk: Is he dead?
Cop: Yes, ma’am, I’m afraid he is.
Old woman: Good. Arrest him.
–Forest Hills, Queens
Overheard by: Wondering what this woman does at funerals
Girl #1: Oh my god, I would never buy a foot-long hot dog. I mean, really. Who would buy one?
Girl #2: (silence)
Girl #1: No girl should eat one, and no guys will, either. You know what I mean?
Girl #2: I guess. They're higher in calories, but whatever. Eat less later.
Girl #1: No. I mean, a girl can't be seen eating a foot long hot dog. Neither can a guy. I mean, think about… blowjobs!
Girl #2: Oh! Well, so what? If I'm hungry and it tastes good, who cares? I don't care if you're thinking I'm chomping down on a foot-long cock. And, what, you haven't sucked a 12-incher before?
Girl #1: No… Do you want Bud or Bud Light?
–Concession Stand, CitiField
White girl: Ohmigod, I totally want to take stripping lessons! But, I'm not, like, a slut or anything.
Black girl: Wait, wait. You're not a slut but you want to be a stripper?
White girl: What? I bet it's really good exercise!
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
