Gay guy: Where are we going?
Straight girl: Nowhere Bar. Have you been there before?
Gay guy: I don't think so. Oh no! Wait! Someone blew me there in college!
Straight girl: For the last effing time, I do not need to hear these things about my big brother!
–F Train
Fag hag scanning seats during intermission: Oooh, look at that queen up there!
Queer: Girl, that’s no queen! He’s from Long Island.
—High Fidelity show
Gay man: Have you ever smelled your ass, after you buttfuck?
–18th & 6th
Overheard by: Dana
Queer: I do Pilates now!
Girl: Jesus Christ, you are such a homo.
–Bryant Park
Hipster guy, finishing a story: And so I said “suck on that, commie!”
Hipster girl: Wait, what?
Hipster guy: By “commie”, I mean “communist.” And by “suck on that,” I mean my cock.
Hipster girl, disappointed: Oh.
Gay hipster guy: I get it! But, I mean, what about the chafing?
–Q Train
Overheard by: Alexx
Gay guy to passersby: Spare an asshole for a gay man?
–Union Square
Man to woman: It's not that I'm an asshole; I just don't want to be seen with you.
–Bar, Upper West Side
Overheard by: Eric
Hipster chic: You could fit a globe in your asshole, it's so big.
–Bedford Ave & 3rd St, Williamsburg
Overheard by: letthemusicplayy
Woman, answering cell: Hey, asshole!
–Rite Aid, Grand Central
Queer #1: Do you know the best way two break up a fight between two drag queens?
Queer #2: No, what?
–14th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Kelly Speich
Gay man: You know how when the cops come to arrest some guy in the middle of the night, there's always some screaming woman in bed with him?
Girl: Yeah?
Gay man: I was that woman!
–Butler Library, Columbia University
Yuppie: I hate you. You totally made me buy this. It’s fabulous!
Sales queen: That’s why I’m gay.
–Saks Fifth Avenue
Overheard by: big spender
50-something suit: In many ways I enjoyed his funeral reception more than his wedding reception.
–PATH
Overheard by: Joe H.
Girl on cell: He died. They found his body. I don't know, somewhere in the Bronx. He was strangled or some shit. Yeah, he died from it. Oh shit, that's why I forgot to send you the invitation for the whatchacallit, the funeral.
–Rivington & Attorney
Overheard by: I wasn't invited either
Gay guy to friend: So I told John I would go to his funeral just to spit in his face!
–West Bank Cafe
60-something woman to another: So I'm glad I didn't go to his fucking bitch sister's funeral. But now he's mad.
–Central Park
20-something guy on cell: Just 'cause I did meth with his daughter doesn't mean I'm going to go to his funeral!
–7th Ave Subway Entrance
