A Lovin’ Spoonful of Wednesday One-Liners

Little boy: I love Manhattan! I love Tic-Tacs!

–Brooklyn Heights

Wife to husband: No wonder your eyebrows are making love!

–47th & 5th

Overheard by: anon

Biotech to texting friend: Now we’ll see how much he cares about you. I love testing people!

–23rd Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: sara n.

Gleeful hobo rubbing stubble beard: I love my beard! Mmmm, I love you.

–93rd & Broadway

Overheard by: punkee

Queer on cell: I don’t want love handles on love day!

–Lafayette & Astor

Woman on cell: Happy Valentine’s Day… Do you still love me, or do you hate me now?

–Hudson St

Overheard by: lilli

Posted on June 13, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Astoria, Biotechs, Boys, Brooklyn, Couples, Default, Food, Friends, Hair, Hobos, Holidays, Kids, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Queers, Questions, Relationships, Street, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-liners Are Koo Koo

Hobo: Was it right to be kicked out of a house for being an adult with a child mind? You don’t get it, lady. There’s a whole house of adults with child minds. Whatever. See ya! Wouldn’t want to be ya!

–F train

Queer: He totally has to understand that he’s crazy and that those Martha Stewart people are crazy too!

–27th street office

Crazy lady: Well, I think you should give me my musical instruments back because I know that you’ve been stealing them every day for the last nine years. Yes, I’m sure! I have proof. You see, that’s not music. That’s not rock and roll. That’s just crazy.

–Bedford Avenue station

Overheard by: Greg Rutter

Crazy man: I already told you I don’t have no chicken. Besides, I gave you that tree last week.

–54th & 11th

Crazy woman: I’ve got demons behind me, shit next to me, and the ugly ones in front of me. I need an angel above me.

–World Financial Center

Overheard by: Dr. Ballon

Crazy bag lady: Stay away from the people! Stay away from the idiot Mexicans!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Suit: …and I swear to God, man, the whole time? That creepy deaf-mute babysitter from across the hall?…is watching me.

–46th & 8th

Overheard by: ballpeen hammer

Crazy lady: I don’t believe this. Pussyass son of a fucking faggot!

–Lexington & 23rd

Hobo: Would someone please tell Courtney Love to get her goddamned dick out of my mouth? Thank you! Would someone please tell Courtney Love to get her goddamned dick out of my mouth? Thank you! Would someone please tell Courtney Love to get her goddamned dick out of my mouth? Thank you!

–19th between 7th & 8th

Posted on June 5, 2015
A-List, About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Bag ladies, Celebrities, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crazies, Disabilities, Food, Hobos, Insults, Latinos, Lower Manhattan, Manhattan, Mexicans, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, On the Subway, Paranoia, Penis, Places, Pop Culture, Private Parts, Queers, Religion, Suits, Topics, Union Square and East Village

Having Sex With You Is Like Masturbating. Get a Personality, Why Don’t You?

Queer #1: Ooh, let’s see this one!
Queer #2: I already saw that earlier this week.
Queer #1: What?! Dude, I hate that. This is just like you masturbating instead of having sex with me.

–AMC, 42nd St

Posted on June 4, 2015
Masturbation, Porn, Queers, Times Square

There’s a Going Down Payment

Queer #1: It’s too bad he’s not for sale.
Queer #2: I think you can rent him, though.

–BoConcept, West 18th Street

Posted on May 17, 2015
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Manhattan, Queers, Retail Therapy, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Shopping

At Least I Trust That It Was Malcolm

Queer #1: Whatever, ho, you’re the one who had a threesome with like eight guys.
Queer #2: Don’t be saying that in front of company.
Queer #1: Who, Malcolm? He’s not company anymore. He’s penetrated our inner circle of trust.
Queer #2: How?
Queer #1: Because he penetrated one of our inner circles.

–17th & 8th

Overheard by: Zola mae

Posted on May 11, 2015
Backdoor, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Orgy, Queers, Three is Company

I Think That Kid Was Flirting

Teacher: Settle down! You three are always running around like you’re in a parade or something!
Goofus: Mister, you’re your own gay pride parade.

–R train

Posted on May 6, 2015
On the Subway, Parades & Festitivites, People, Places, Queers, Teachers/Professors, Topics

Remember to Tip Your Bartenders and Castrati

Queer: We want girly drinks. Something fruity.
Bartwink: Okay? Did you have anything in mind?
Queer: Can you talk in a higher pitch when we’re talking about girly drinks?

–Barracuda, W. 22nd Street

Posted on April 30, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Bartenders, Drinking & Drunk People, Gays and Lesbians, Queers

Well, That’s One Way in Hell

Guy #1: You know Jason?
Guy #2: The gay one?
Guy #1: Yeah.
Guy #2: What about him?
Guy #1: I saw him kiss a girl.
Guy #2: Was it like a friend kiss?
Guy #1: No, there was tongue and everything.
Guy #2: So he’s not gay?
Guy #1: I don’t think so.
Guy #2: Fuck! Now I can’t brag that I have a gay friend anymore!
Guy #1: Don’t worry, you can still say he’s bi since we still have no proof that he is not interested in guys.
Guy #2: That’s a good idea. Interesting…you know what, that’s what I’ll do, cause there is just no way in hell that Jason is straight.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Ting