Wednesday One-Liners Are Going Through a Dry Spell

50-year-old female crackhead hobo chasing a 30-year-old male post office worker: Why won't you fuck me? Come fuck me! Are you too scared to fuck me?!

–50th St & 5th Ave

Man talking to stranger outside peep show: No, no, no. This is a peep show. If you want to fuck someone, you have to go somewhere else.

–8th Ave, Midtown

Horny NYU hipster: I haven't had sex in 3 months! If I were a heroin addict I'd have been clean for 2 months already!

–NYU

Loud middle-aged woman on cell: And I was like, "Don't worry, lady, I'm not getting any action!"

–Stuyvesant Town

Overheard by: the libbernator

Old man to old lady: No, I will not bonk you!

–Avenue J & E 12 St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Robert

Posted on August 13, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, Druggies, Heroin, Hipsters, Hobos, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYU, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, Questions, Sex, Strangers, Stuyvesant Town, Time, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Playin'

Guy to girl: The point of the game is to make the other person unwittingly look at your genitals.

–106th & Amsterdam

Ghetto kid to friend: If I was in the middle of sex, I would say I'll come back to you later, play in the poker game, and then come back and bust that nut.

–9th St & 8th Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Rahstah

Worker to partner: You know what I'm going to do since I don't have to work tomorrow? I'm going to turn the volume on my laptop all the way up and play pinball until 1 am. It will be so loud! Ping ping ping ping!

–69th & Lexington

Overheard by: 6th Floor Blogger

Hipster girl on cell: I'm going home to eat and relax first, and then I'll be over to play Tropical Barbie bingo.

–Lorimer/Metropolitan, Brooklyn

Group of little girls to little boy: Wanna play Mormon family with us?

–Brooklyn Botanic Garden

Overheard by: James

Posted on August 13, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Coworkers, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Kids, Laptop, Offers and requests, On Cell, Players, Private Parts, Questions, Religion, Sex, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Video Games, Weirdness

Animal, Wednesday One-Liner, or Mineral?

Man trying on hat: Hey! Do I look like John Wayne in this hat? Watch out, pilgrim! I'm planting roses!

–Botanical Garden

Girl to friend: I need a twig or a leaf or an herb or somethin'.

–C Train

White guy on cell: It's the goddamn Cherry Blossom Festival… so get your ass out here.

–Outside Brooklyn Botanical Garden

Maintenance worker to another: Oh, come on! It's not working now. Let's try plugging it into the tree.

–42 St & 2nd Ave

Flower vendor: Shut up nigga, I'll slap you! Fresh roses!

–7th Ave & 26th

Overheard by: Todd

Posted on August 13, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bitch-slap, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Coworkers, Friends, Girls, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, Threats, Trees and plants, Vendors & Street Performers, White People

And a Concentration Camp Is Where They Make the Orange Juice

Tween girl looking at internment camp exhibit: Mom, what's an internment camp?
Mother: Umm… I think it's, like, a place where you go when you get a job as an intern.

–International Center of Photography Museum, Avenue of the Americas & 43rd St

Overheard by: Chris

Posted on August 12, 2008
Default, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, More museums, Questions, Stupidity, Tweens, Words

Obsessively. Why?

Girl #1: You wrinkle your nose when you sleep.
Girl #2: I do?
Girl #1: Yeah.
Girl #2: Wait, you watch me while I'm sleeping?

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Ariana

Posted on August 12, 2008
Body Parts, Default, Fears, Friends, Girls, Port Authority, Questions, Weirdness

The One Acid Trip That Got Hugh Hefner Where He Is in Life

College guy #1: So then I was like: “Whoa, that's a giant fucking bunny.”
College guy #2: Dude, are you high?
College guy #1: …yeah
College guy #2: Wanna go to the zoo?
College guy #1: Do they have bunnies?

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Angel

Posted on August 12, 2008
Animals & Nature, Default, Frat Boys, Friends, Offers and requests, Questions, Straight Trippin', Washington Square Park

Like a Sacred Cow, I Graze Wherever I Go

Girl #1: What's D'Agostino's?
Girl #2: It's an Indian restaurant. I eat there all the time!

–10th St & University

Overheard by: Haley

Posted on August 11, 2008
Default, Ethnic Food, Friends, Girls, Names, Questions, Stupidity, The Village

Except Bon Jovi Fans and the Entire Pleather Industry

Dad: Why don't you take some pictures of all the buildings?
Little boy with camera: I already took pictures of those buildings. (aims camera towards New Jersey) I'll take pictures of this spot now!
Mom (disgustedly): No honey, that's New Jersey. Nobody cares about New Jersey.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: I care about jersey

Posted on August 10, 2008
Boys, Dads, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Pictures, Questions, Staten Island Ferry, U.S. Geography

A Giant McDonald's Sign Is My Sun

(at night)
Hobo #1: Yo, is that the moon or the sun?
Hobo #2: I dunno, nigga. I'm not from this neighborhood.

–23rd & 8th

Overheard by: harrie

Posted on August 10, 2008
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Default, Hobos, NYC Geography, Questions, Weirdness

Then Everybody Launched Into the “Kit-Kat” Song

(woman walks into packed theater looking for boyfriend)
Woman, yelling: Jim*? Jim, where are you?
Random guy in the audience #1: Here!
Random guy #2: Over here!
Random guy #3: Here!
(entire theater starts shouting “here!”)
Woman: C'mon, gimme a break.

–Imax Theater

Overheard by: Goober

Posted on August 10, 2008
Default, Guys, Laughter, Movie Theaters, Questions, Strangers, Weirdness, Women

Questions