Beacause Stupid Is Truly Colour Blind

MoMA desk rep: Today is free. Take your tickets.
MoMA guest: Are the tickets free? How much?
MoMA desk rep: No. For you, twice as much.
MoMA guest: Why? Cause I'm black?

–MoMA

Overheard by: Oh Kelly…

Headline by: The Limey

Runners-Up:
· “I Think a Child Was Left Behind” – samson
· “No, Because You’re Stupid… But Those Might Be Related” – john grisham
· “No, Cuz You Aint Learnt Your Zero Times Tables” – no math wiz but
· “The NYC Stupidity Tax Still Catches People by Surprise” – Ron D.
· “Yes, You’ve Heard Of Ladies Night? This Is White Day” – Leary Blaine
· “You’re Black Yet You Don’t Understand the Concept Of a Free Government Handout?” – BenGay

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on October 12, 2009
Clerks, Customers, Free stuff!, Headline Contest Winners, MoMA, Money & Class, Questions, Race

All Those Brooklyn Jews Need to Get Their Christmas Eve Chinese Food Somewhere

Virgina redneck: I love the Chinese, very nice people! You guys from Chinatown?
Chinese woman: No, we're from Brooklyn.

–R Train

Posted on October 11, 2009
Chinese, On the Subway, Questions, Race, Rednecks

Hamas: Finally, Someone Gets It

12-year-old boy #1: Why do they call them African Americans?
12-year-old boy #2: Because they're from Africa, but they live in America.
12-year-old boy #1: But they don't call me a Macedonian American! They don't call you a… What are you again?
12-year-old boy #2: I'm Israeli.
12-year-old boy #1: Yeah, well, that doesn't count. “Israeli” is not a country.

–M79 Bus

Posted on October 8, 2009
Bus, Foreigners, Global Geography, On the Bus, Questions, Race, Stupidity, Tweens, Words

Wednesday One-Liners: Willing, but Unripe

Loud-mouthed girl to friends: She says, "I've had sex with over 100 men." And so I says, "girl! You fourteen!"

–R Train

Thirty-something black man to Catholic high school girls: So what's it take for a couple of black guys to get to play with y'all's skirts?

–Metro-North

Overheard by: kfkdjsdf

Father to infant daughter in stroller: Hey! Close your legs!

–SoHo

Professor: Your favorite teacher from high school turned out to be a pedophile? Seriously? Well was he a real pedophile, or just a hooking-up-with-teenage-students kind of pedophile?

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Jack Package

13-year-old girl on phone: So guess what… I lost my virginity last night… looks like you owe me a soda.

–H & M

Overheard by: Imani

Posted on September 30, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Dads, Drinks, Fordham, Friends, Hook Ups, Kids, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Pick-up Lines, Promiscuity, Questions, Race, Robbing the Cradle, School and studying, Sex, Soho, Store, Students, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Virginity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Guess You're Unfamiliar With the History

Orthodox Jew: Are you Jewish?
20-something hipster girl: No, but I wish I was.

–Wall Street

Overheard by: Not Jewish

Posted on September 22, 2009
Hipsters, Jews, Questions, Race, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

She's on the WTC Rebuilding Committee

White man: That hot chocolate slowed my cognitive functioning.
Black woman: Better slow than fast minute-man honky.

–Webster Hall

Overheard by: chinese new year

Posted on September 21, 2009
Bars & Clubs, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Horny, Men, Race, Sensory Experiences, Union Square and East Village, White People, Women

Its Diversity Is Built In

Crazy lady: Excuse me, excuse me, white faced nigga bitch?
White girl: What?
Crazy lady: What? You ain't never seen a zebra?

–Rockaway Park

Posted on September 18, 2009
Animals & Nature, Crazies, Crazy, Girls, Insults, Queens, Race, Weirdness, White People, Women

You Know, Like the President Speaks?

Gangsta #1: Yo man, that shit ain't coo.
Gangsta #2: I know, wutchu gon' do wit dat?
Southern tourist to friends, whispering: I think that's what they call e-bo-nics.

–Downtown R Train

Posted on September 17, 2009
Friends, Gangstas, Language Barrier, On the Subway, Race, Southerners, Tourism

God's Chosen Wednesday One-Liners

Woman to friend: Look, I just don't want to be born again, okay? I saw how you attacked that Jewish woman in the airport.

–Broadway & 10th St

Overheard by: Stephanie

Patron: Jews for Jesus are just reformed black panthers.

–Turkish Kitchen, 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Pola

Student who has just drawn a stereotypical Jew to another who has drawn Jesus on the cross: Wait–wait, Jesus was Jewish?

–Bronx High School Of Science, Judaic Cultural Society

Girl at birthday supper: I get all Jewish and entitled when anyone tries to tell me "no!"

–8th Ave & 43rd St

Overheard by: Lankyguy

Jock to another: And then he like tried to fuck me. I guess that's what I get for spending the night at a dude's house. I mean he was Jewish and all, so he was really nice but still…

–23rd St & Lexington

Posted on September 16, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bosses, Bronx Science, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Jesus, Jocks, Judaism, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Street, Students, Stupidity, The Bronx, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Don't Get Mad. Get Wednesday One-Liner.

Super gay dude to equally gay friend: You can tell she's mad when she starts using adjectives.

–Starbucks, Astor Place

Overheard by: liat

Angry black man to white man standing too close: Fool, whatcha think you're doin? You tryin' to get all up on me? You don't know what I could do. I could bust a cap in yo ass. I'm an angry black man!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Bex

Black man to Asian woman he's trying to hit on: Why won't you talk to me, baby? You still mad about the Korean war?

–145th & Broadway

Older woman on cell: Trixie, you have to stop kicking things when you get mad!

–40th & Broadway

Overheard by: Sean

Trampy Spanish girl to cranky Spanish guy: Why are you mad? It was just a blowjob, and he's your brother!

–West Village

Overheard by: Stifled A. Guffaw