Thin Alcoholics, Though

Waspy girl #1: My mom and I are in a huge fight right now.
Waspy girl #2: Really? That sucks.
Waspy girl #1: Yeah, especially because to punish me she's taking me shopping.
Waspy girl #2: What?
Waspy girl #1: We go to all these stores and she makes me try on all these clothes while she makes comments about how fat I'm getting. And then she doesn't buy me anything because according to her I'm a whale.
Waspy girl #2: Wow.
Waspy girl #1: Yeah, I know. And people wonder why Wasps tend to be such alcoholics.

–Metro-North Train

Posted on November 23, 2009
Animals & Nature, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Parents, Physical appearance, Race, Shopping, Trains Not Subway, Weirdness, White People

Wednesday One-Liners Got Game

Burly guy in cafe: Mind mapping's not a game. It's a reality.

–Ave A & 11th St

Overheard by: Anna P.

Cop to another: Some people play checkers, some people play chess. You, son, you play checkers.

–New Street & Beaver

Black librarian with dreads: In the game, you gotta give the black girl all your stuff, all your valuable stuff. You give it to her to hold and then you take it from her. That's how you get the trophy.

–Bronx Library

Drunk guy in the cafe car: Listen! Just because I'm white doesn't mean I can't play dominoes!

–Acela Train

Overheard by: Someone who can't play dominoes

Posted on November 18, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Guys, Psychology, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Science, Store, The Bronx, Trains Not Subway, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

To Be Fair, What NYC Grade Schooler Needs to Know Accurate Barnyard Noises?

Latino grade school girl #1: Yeah man, and then they act like they don't know when we be hating, cause they gotta act like that, and then they say we be racist and we ain't racist, you're just a dumb white bitch.
Latino grade school girl #2: Yeah, and then they say we racist.
Latino grade school girl #1: She just don't wanna say nothing to me die-reckt-ly cause she knows she'll get hurt.
Latino grade school girl #2: Say it to my face!
Latino grade school girl #1: Yeah, that's what I say, say it to my face! She just chicken.
Latino grade school girl #2: Yeah, she just chicken.
Latino grade school girl #1: Ha ha! Chicken head!
Latino grade school girl #2: Haha, yeaaaaaah girl, chicken head! Quack quack!

–Old Navy Dressing Room, 6th Ave

Overheard by: NoChildLeftBehindDoesntWork

Posted on November 16, 2009
Gripes, Insults, Latinos, Race, Store, Students, Stupidity

According to the Zagat Guide for Bigots

Asian NYU freshman: I still can't get over how many gay couples there are here! Especially when you see the black ones.
Naive friend: Really? That must be so weird.
Asian NYU freshman: Yeah, it is! I'm like, “Black people are supposed to be all ghetto, and cool!”

–Union Square

Overheard by: Really??

Posted on November 1, 2009
Asians, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Race, Students, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

I Kinda Regret Reading About It in Her Diary

Girl #1: My mom dated a black guy when she was younger.
Girl #2, laughing: Really!?
Girl #1: Yeah. Yo, he tore that shit up… early.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: LiDra

Posted on October 25, 2009
Age/Aging, Dating, Girls, Hunter, Laughter, Parents, Race

Is Anyone Crazier Than White People? Discuss.

Intelligent-looking girlfriend: How's she going to run a marathon in 60 minutes?
Intelligent-looking boyfriend, indifferently: It's impossible.
Intelligent-looking girlfriend: I mean, not even those crazy black people can run that fast.
Intelligent-looking boyfriend, unfazed: I know.
Intelligent-looking girlfriend: I mean, I can't even drive that fast in the city!
Intelligent-looking boyfriend: Um… I hope you can go 26 miles in one hour.
Intelligent-looking girlfriend: Oh, right. I'm sorry. I was thinking 60 miles an hour. It's the vodka talking. Now kiss me once nicely, without whiskers.
(two minutes later)
Intelligent-looking girlfriend: I remember the first time I showered with you and I had this big snot coming out my nose.
Intelligent-looking boyfriend: I remember the first time I slept with you, and farted a lot.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rick

Posted on October 22, 2009
Boyfriends, Cars and Driving, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Excretions, Farting & Burping, Girlfriends, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Nostalgia, On the Subway, Race, Sports, Time

…What an Actor!

Kid on bike: Hey dad–that Gap ad. Is that Viggo Mortensen?
Dad on bike, looking: Him? Noooo! (pause) Viggo Mortensen's black.
Kid on bike: He is? Oh. (pause) In Lord of the Rings he wasn't…

–28th St & Park Ave

Posted on October 13, 2009
About Celebrities, Clothing, Dads, Kids, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Parents, Questions, Race, Stupidity

Beacause Stupid Is Truly Colour Blind

MoMA desk rep: Today is free. Take your tickets.
MoMA guest: Are the tickets free? How much?
MoMA desk rep: No. For you, twice as much.
MoMA guest: Why? Cause I'm black?

–MoMA

Overheard by: Oh Kelly…

Headline by: The Limey

Runners-Up:
· “I Think a Child Was Left Behind” – samson
· “No, Because You’re Stupid… But Those Might Be Related” – john grisham
· “No, Cuz You Aint Learnt Your Zero Times Tables” – no math wiz but
· “The NYC Stupidity Tax Still Catches People by Surprise” – Ron D.
· “Yes, You’ve Heard Of Ladies Night? This Is White Day” – Leary Blaine
· “You’re Black Yet You Don’t Understand the Concept Of a Free Government Handout?” – BenGay

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on October 12, 2009
Clerks, Customers, Free stuff!, Headline Contest Winners, MoMA, Money & Class, Questions, Race

All Those Brooklyn Jews Need to Get Their Christmas Eve Chinese Food Somewhere

Virgina redneck: I love the Chinese, very nice people! You guys from Chinatown?
Chinese woman: No, we're from Brooklyn.

–R Train

Posted on October 11, 2009
Chinese, On the Subway, Questions, Race, Rednecks

Hamas: Finally, Someone Gets It

12-year-old boy #1: Why do they call them African Americans?
12-year-old boy #2: Because they're from Africa, but they live in America.
12-year-old boy #1: But they don't call me a Macedonian American! They don't call you a… What are you again?
12-year-old boy #2: I'm Israeli.
12-year-old boy #1: Yeah, well, that doesn't count. “Israeli” is not a country.

–M79 Bus

Posted on October 8, 2009
Bus, Foreigners, Global Geography, On the Bus, Questions, Race, Stupidity, Tweens, Words

Race