Relationships

Man: You're gonna have to accept that if, say, we're having a romantic afternoon and we pass a hottie on the street, I will check her out, then have to run over, tackle her, dry hump her, and then run away from her, yelling, “I'm sor-ry!” I can't be held accountable for my behavior.
Woman: Yes, you can.
Man: It must be great to be a duck. No relationships. Just eating and living.
Woman: Ducks have relationships.
Man: No, they don't.
Woman: They're like one of the only mammals that have relationships.
Man: No.
Woman: I mean, at least they are couples, like they pair up.
Man: Yeah, but that's like just for the day.

–Central Park Pond

Overheard by: Jalmasy

Six-year-old girl #1: I'm going to David & Buster's with my dad.
Six-year-old girl #2: You have a dad!?
Six-year-old girl #1: Yeah, I have a dad. You make it sound like he died or something.
Six-year-old girl #2: But you said your mom isn't married.
Six-year-old girl #1: She isn't.
Six-year-old girl #2: Why not?
Six-year-old girl #1: Because she has a brain. That's what she says. Right, mom?

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: Bread82

Cop to another: Are you drunk yet?

–Corner of 145th St

Frustrated-sounding NYU student to friend: Well, why don't you get a girl and you can just pretend she's drunk?

–Washington Square

Future rabbi: So my philosophy professor, Lenny Kravitz, told us we'll be drinking scotch in class tomorrow…

–4th & Broadway

Drunk black guy arguing on phone: Man, you need to stop drinkin'. Not only is yo speech gettin' slurred, but yo brains is gettin' slurred too!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Ashley

Dude to friend: I swear to god, every time he gets a little buzzed he thinks he's Austin Powers.

–40th & 7th

Overheard by: thivnav

Bro tourist #1: Has CJ ever had a girlfriend?
Bro tourist #2: Yeah.
Bro tourist #1: Is he a ladies' man?
Bro tourist #3: Yeah. His last girlfriend? She was hot!

–24th & 8th

20-something suit on phone: Yeah, man. Just come over. We can spoon and talk about chicks and shit.

–Wall & Pearl

Overheard by: traceface

Thug to another: Those bitches be cuddlin' your wounds!

–42nd St

Hispanic woman on phone: Yeah, it's crazy snowin' outside. (pause) Uh-huh, yeah, you wanna cuddle. (pause) Hahaha, uh-oh! (pause) Uh-oh, spaghetti-o! (pause) Haha, no, you've already done that. (pause) Hahaha… You've done that already. I have to spin the other way now.. (pause) He he he, you're crazy. Hee heee. (pause) Well, you have a lovely day inside a warm place!

–Q Train

Overheard by: Em Allears

Crazy lady to herself: Does anyone wanna snuggle me for the hell of it? (five minutes later) Why are all these people here? Is it a workday? Cuz if it is, I'm going to get fired. I need a beer!

–G Train

Overheard by: LaughedOutLoud

Guy at cafe: I have pillows just for spooning.

–6th St & 2nd Ave

Guy #1: Yeah, we lived together for a couple of months.
Guy #2: Where at?
Guy #1: Rikers.

–F Train

Girl, as friends individually dart across street: The drunks go marching one by one, hooray, hooray!

–49th & 2nd

20-something blonde on cell outside bar: Are you drinking tonight? If not, I just want to see where you're at. Yeah, I'm drinking. I told you there's nothing I wouldn't do with you!

–14th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: maria

Girl on cell: I really miss being hungover with you. Some of my best moments were spent hungover with you…

–Union Square

Overheard by: winkinthecity

Girl, getting out of car: Man, I can't drink no more, but I tell you, I feel fiiiiiiinnneee. (girl gets back in car, which drives away)

–69th St & Narrows Ave

Overheard by: Domi

Youngish guy to youngish gal: Well, that won't stop her, she can drink through the window!

–6th Ave & 28th St

Overheard by: Eve

20-something metrosexual: She just uses my penis whenever she wants.
Middle-aged man eating eclair: Mmm-hmm.
20-something metrosexual: Like, last weekend she used me as a rebound fuck.

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: Amused Straphanger

Gay guy, angrily looking at woman eating sausages: And that is why I hate lesbians!

–Gay Pride Parade

Man on cell: I went to San Francisco last month to find me a lesbian girlfriend.

–Big Apple BBQ

Overheard by: skibs

Angry lady to another: Why would I have sex with another woman?

–Greenwich Village

Hobo on platform: Men… do not have sex with women! Any man who has sex with a woman should be arrested. Women do not like sex–women are all lesbians!

–7 Train

Crazy hobo to young girls on bench: You girls are a box full of lesbians!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Daphne

Woman: I gave you my heart and you shitted on me!
Man: (mumbles almost inaudibly)
Woman: Come upstairs and stop causing a scene!

–Stoop, Ridgewood

Overheard by: Um…