Wednesday One-Liners for Ann Coulter

Old guy on phone: All I've done is live in a bitchy bitchy bitchy world.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Danielle

Ghetto guy to another: A bitch in a wheelchair can still suck a dick!

–25th St & 6th Ave

Wife to husband: You do the thinkin', I'll do the bitchin'.

–84th & 2nd

Overheard by: Val

Male scrub nurse: Yeah, he's in that bitch right now. (female scrub nurse looks shocked, male scrub nurse wiggles fingers on both hands) Yeah, he's in there.

–Mount Sinai Hospital

Overheard by: and by

Thug to friend: Yeah my homegirl…she's a slutty bitch, but she's good people.

–Q Train

Posted on March 11, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Couples, Friends, Guys, Handicaps, Hospitals, Insults, Marriage, Nurses, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Promiscuity, Relationships, Sex, Street, Thugs, Trains Not Subway, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Without Emotional Attachment: Myth or Reality?

Dressed up overweight 20-something girl to another: We're in our 20s. We're like supposed to be slutty, right?

–Norman & Diamond

Overheard by: Guess I missed the memo 20-something girl

College girl to another: You gotta hit it and quit it, like a dude!

–W Broadway & 108th St

Overheard by: Tess

Janky fat woman: He never told me not to tramp!

–5th Ave

Overheard by: Rob

Loud thug with neck tattoos on cell: You know Stud is my son, dude. Stud just wanna hump on women all day.

–Deli, Myrtle Ave, Fort Greene

Overheard by: Myrtle & Carlton

Hipster chick to another: I was wasted! Then I saw him in daylight and said "Holy shit!"

–Havemeyer, Grand Street, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Miss Heather

Lawyerly woman to another: I told him that just because I want to fuck does not mean that we have to love each other.

–Foley Square

Overheard by: Julio

Random guy to cute girl: Good luck, honey. What you wake up with, you're stuck with.

–Jimmy Steiny's, Hyatt Street, Staten Island

Posted on March 11, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Delis, Fat People, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Hook Ups, Horny, Lawyers, Love, On Cell, Parents, Physical appearance, Promiscuity, Relationships, Sex, Sorority Girls, Staten Island, Street, Thugs, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires, Women

I Have a Whole Website Devoted to Just Your Hair

Woman trying to drag man into a store: Please, please, please. I'll let you ridicule me in front of society.
Guy: Please, I do that shit already.

–23rd St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Glad he's not mine

Posted on March 10, 2009
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Guys, Relationships, Weirdness, Women

Watch Me Pull a Rabbit Out Of It!

Guy to friend: Hey, did you notice that after every time you got on this (points to self) you end up with a boyfriend?
Girl: What? Oh man, you're right! It's like you have a magic pee-pee!
Guy: Yeah.

–Penn Station

Posted on February 17, 2009
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Compliments, Friends, Girls, Guys, Magic, Penn Station, Relationships

How Do You Get a Flyer Guy to Shut Up, Again?

Comedy promoter: Do you like stand-up comedy?
Guy: Sure.
Promoter: Here, take a look at this!
Guy: No, thanks.
Promoter: Take one! It's not drugs!
(girlfriend grabs guy's hand, they keep walking)
Promoter: Sir, don't let that woman control your life! You are your own person!

–Outside Penn Station

Overheard by: Ashley

Posted on February 8, 2009
Advice, Drugs, Girlfriends, Guys, Offers and requests, Penn Station, Relationships, Theater & Dance, Vendors & Street Performers

A Princess Can't Marry a Commoner

Girl: Yeah, he was cute and really nice, but he's not my type.
Guy: Why?
Girl: Well, he's from Brooklyn!
Guy: Oh.
Girl: Obviously.

–Upper West Side

Posted on February 1, 2009
Beauty, Girls, Guys, Relationships, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

The Misunderestimated Phraseoids of Wednesday One-Liners

Blonde chick to dude: Isn't he, like, koreish?

–F Train

Dude on cell: It's not even like a relationship, it's all texting, it's a textationship.

–22nd & 1st

Overheard by: loves it

Girl on cell: She was all slippy and shit.

–SoHo

Student to another: The trouble with you is that you got the wrong misconception.

–Broadway & 116th

Overheard by: Cousin Al

Mom, upon examining young son's pruney toes: Jake! What's wrong with your toe? Look, the skin is coming off, it's like you're molding! Just like a little bird! Your foot is molding!

–Prep School Swimming Pool

Overheard by: I dream of Jean

Teen on payphone: Listen! Mah words isn't what I'm sayin!

–Fulton & Broadway

Overheard by: Mondo Man

Woman on cell: You thought he was gonna shit on you? Sit? Spit? You gonna need to step up your English game.

–Fulton Street Subway Station

Overheard by: Johnny Twisto

Posted on January 14, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Poop, Questions, Relationships, School, Smegma, Soho, Students, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Tonight, on Sleaze & the City…

Flashy creepster to blonde: Look at me. (she doesn't) Look at me. (she doesn't) Look at me. (she does) You should be careful. It's a big city.
New-in-town blonde girl: After what I just went through I'm just going to have five boyfriends.
Flashy creepster: I'm telling you. You should be careful. It's a big city. Not everyone is good.
New-in-town blonde girl: I was having a good time, and then I fell and love and got burned.
Flashy creepster (menacing): I'm telling you. Not everyone is good.
New-in-town blonde girl: I'm just who I am. If you can't handle me…
Flashy creepster: Oh, I can handle you. I can handle you very well.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: jbrizzle

Posted on January 12, 2009
Creepsters, Girls, Love, Pick-up Lines, Relationships, Starbucks, Talking/Convos, Weirdness

To Attain a Future Better Than the Present, You First Have to Imagine It

Teenage Latina to friend: So I want my next man and me to have more in common. My man, he gotta dress ghetto, you know, baggy pants, piercings, and chains, but he can't be no pimp or dirty slut. He can't be having no nasty diseases. He can't have no kids or none on the way and he can't have done no time, yet.
Friend: Gattita, I hear you. But what'cha gonna do with him?
Teenage Latina: Well, he's gonna have to like scary movies and reggaeton, Mexican food, and… (pauses to think for a moment) French fries! You know, them white people's food.
Friend: Holla.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Carrie

Posted on January 2, 2009
Clothing, Ethnic Food, Friends, Kids, Latinos, Movies, Music, On the Subway, Prison, Relationships, Stupidity, Teens, Wishes & desires

Wednesdays Carry on Behind Their One-Liners' Backs

Guy on cell: You start dating married women, you end up meeting their husbands.

–49th & 6th

Man on cell (guiltless and disinterested): She said I cheated, duh-duh-duh-duh.

–Church St & Barclay

Overheard by: Robert J. Anderson

Female suit on cell: He cheated on me on my 30th birthday in Nantucket and I called my mom to tell her and she said, "Are you ready to give up that lifestyle? He's wealthy and he's gorgeous. I don't want to hear it." But I want someone to be über-attracted to me.

–19th & 8th

Overheard by: Sebastian White

Dude on cell: Hello? (pause) I told you never to call me on this number. (pause) Because I don't want my wife to find out that we're dating.

–6th Ave & 17th St

Psuedo-gansta to friend: Yo, I would cheat on my wife except then you gotta buy them flowers and chocolate and shit. I'd rather spend money on my wife and be happy at home.

–N Train

Girl on cell, doing laundry: Yeah…and then he says that he has a girlfriend and he doesn't cheat on her…so I said, "Really? Then what was your penis just doing in my mouth?"

–Laundromat, 9th Ave & 53rd St

Overheard by: tinyfoo

Posted on December 24, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Beauty, Birthdays, BJs, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dating, Family Ties, Food, Friends, Gangstas, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Home, Sweet Home, Infidelity, Laundromat, Lies, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Questions, Relationships, Street, Suits, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Relationships

How Do You Get a Flyer Guy to Shut Up, Again?

A Princess Can't Marry a Commoner