Wednesday's the Most Sensitive Part Of Your One-Liner

Guy to girl: I have a proprietary interest in your nipples.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Hunter (aka

Hobo coming out of cardboard box to group of blonde chicks: Run yo nipples!

–Blake St

Teenage girl: It's so fucking cold my nipples could pick up radio stations.

–Central Park

20-something Asian guy: But I know babies' nipples are so sensitive…

–Grand & Eldridge

Hobo, yelling at couple on the street: What the hell I look like to you? Huh?! I'm a gangsta! If I had three nipples and no legs, I'd still get laid! (shakes cane at them)

–41st & 8th

Overheard by: S&B at STJ

Posted on May 6, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Babies, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Girls, Guys, Hobos, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nipples, One-liners, Park Slope, Parks, Robbing the Cradle, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

I've Been Looking Everywhere for That.

Girl #1, holding something small and brown: I think I found mouse poop.
Girl #2: Please tell me it smells like a brownie.

–Columbia University

Posted on May 4, 2009
Animals & Nature, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Food, Girls, Poop, Sensory Experiences, Weirdness

God Can't Bake for Shit

Little girl in stroller to mother: Who made my heart, who made it, huh?
Mom: I made your heart, and god did.
Little girl: Can I eat it ?
Mom: No.
Little girl: Why not?
Mom: It doesn't taste good.
Little girl: Yes it does! It tastes like cake.

–B Train

Posted on April 26, 2009
Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Food, God, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Parents, Sensory Experiences

Wednesday One-Liners Hope It's Just Like Riding a Bicycle

Douche on cell: I haven't had sex in 48 days and I feel like it's getting smaller. What should I do?

–48th & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Jnaz

Really old man complaining to his wife: You'd rather watch CNN than have sex with me!

–The Water Club, 30th & FDR

Overheard by: Trying to have a romantic dinner date

Pretty girl on cell: Yeah, I got this really bad toothache…my gums are sore too. (pause)
What do you mean what have I been putting in my mouth? (laughs) Well, nothing exciting, that's for sure! Maybe that's the problem. My mouth's probably going on strike cause it hasn't been getting any action.

–F Train

Overheard by: I wouldnt have minded putting something of mine in her mouth!

Girl on phone: I mean, if I don't fuck him, who will? His bitch-ass girlfriend certainly won't. (pause) No, not even; she only got those piercings so she could put a fucking lock in it.

–L Train

Random guy outside bedroom window: Just because I won't sleep with you doesn't mean I don't love you!

–Union Street, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Casey

Posted on April 22, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Height, Idiots, Infidelity, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, News, Nicknames & name calling, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Time, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

One Wednesday One-Liner to Live

Woman, pushing baby in stroller through flock of pigeons and hearing him laugh hysterically: Yeah, yeah, sometimes it's the little things in life.

–76th St

Overheard by: jaytro

Guerrilla Top of the Rock marketer: Carpet munching can get you far in life.

–Rockefeller Center

Twelve-year-old girl at Tila Tequila's book signing: This is the greatest day of my life.

–Barnes & Noble, Tribeca

Overheard by: Helene and Kristina

Short fat white woman to tall older man: Well, I really have no problem with spending life in jail. I really don't.

–Father Demo Square

Man, not moving: This place is draining the life out of me.

–IKEA Store

Overheard by: Les Izzmore

Train operator: This is a life-altering bound r train. Prepare to be amazed. Next stop, Nirvana.

–R Train

Posted on April 15, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Books & Writing, Buddha, Clerks, Fat People, Laughter, Licking, Men, On the Subway, One-liners, Prison, Public Transportation, Rockefeller Center, Sensory Experiences, Store, Street, The Village, Tweens, Vagina, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Unfortunately, It's Usually a Hobo on the Subway.

Woman at checkout to teenage son: I don't know…this shampoo smells a little too edible.
Middle aged Latina cashier, fingering her hair: That's why I wash my hair! So somebody will take a bite! Yum, yum, nibble, nibble!

–Ave A Grocery Store

Posted on April 7, 2009
Alphabet City, Cashiers, Families, Grocery Stores, Hair, Latinos, Moms, Sensory Experiences, Teens, Weirdness

Spiced With Uninformed Opinion from Around the World!

Little boy near cafe: What's that smell?
Passerby: It's the smell of knowledge!

–Barnes & Noble

Posted on April 5, 2009
Kids, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Strangers

To Ward Off Sketchy Men in Bars

Gross older man: Yeah, she was hot but her pussy always smells.
Gross older woman: Mine never smells…unless I pee on myself.

–Staten Island Ferry

Posted on April 3, 2009
Old People, Pee, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Staten Island Ferry, Vagina, Weirdness

To Be Fair, All Of Strawberry Shortcake's Bodily Emissions Smell Glorious

Older teen boy: Oh my god, yesterday after the party I had these farts that smelled odee.
Younger teen girl: Yeah, oh my god, was it that bad?
Older teen boy: I mean I was running away from my own farts.
Younger teen girl: Wow, it's weird cuz I love the way my farts smell!
(older teen boy walks away and crosses the street)

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: fart smeller

Posted on March 27, 2009
Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Farting & Burping, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Teens, Weirdness

Sensory Experiences