Wednesday One-Liners: Over a Billion Served.

McDonald's cashier: You gonna eat all that yourself? Haven't you seen that movie Supersize Me?

–McDonald's

Overheard by: Blayne

Thug: Yo, shorty, lemme buy you something special at McDonald's, show you I ain't a cheap date… why you laughin?

–117th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Jesse D

Obnoxious Southern tourist: Let's take a taxi back to the hotel, and then take the truck and eat at McDonald's again.

–W 49th & 5th

Overheard by: canucks

Haggardly old lady on cell: Damn, dude, I saw you at McDonald's checking me out yesterday!

–Broadway & 4th St

Overheard by: Jalex Leoley

Born-again evangelical, proselytizing: Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to McDonald's makes you a hamburger!

–Staten Island Ferry

Bro: If she doesn't want to go to McDonald's every once in a while, I don't love her.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: alana h.

Posted on August 19, 2009
Cars and Driving, Cashiers, Christians, Church, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Dating, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Junk Food & Fast Food, Laughter, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Movies, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Southerners, Staten Island Ferry, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Thugs, Tourism, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

Why Do You Think So Many Post-apocalyptic Thrillers Are Filmed in New York?

Southern tourist daughter: Mommy, why can't we just get off at Jamaica? Aren't there sunny beaches there? Why's it all so cloudy?
Southern tourist mother: Because we're on the subway to go to the Liberty Statue tour, honey bunches.
(short pause)
Southern tourist daughter: But why's everything so damaged?

–LIRR

Posted on August 17, 2009
Families, Moms, Parents, Public Transportation, Questions, Southerners, Statue of Liberty, Stupidity, Tourism, Trains Not Subway, Weather

Where the Sex Of Fuzzy Creatures Is Never an Issue

Southern tourist #1: Oh my! Oh. My. God!
Southern tourist #2: Woman, what is it?
Southern tourist #1: It's that Elmo again! I saw him yesterday! At the same place! It's preying on tourists!
Southern tourist #2: Maybe you just need a hug from him!
Suit: It is an “it!” An “it,” you tourist fools! It! It! Iiiiiiiiiiiittttttt!
Southern tourist #2: I toldja we shoulda just stuck with Atlantic City.

–Times Square

Posted on July 7, 2009
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Hugs, Insults, Only in New York, Southerners, Suits, Times Square, Tourism, TV

When They Do, It's Terrifying

Southern tourist #1: Where are you folks from?
Southern tourist #2: North Carolina.
Southern tourist #1: I'm from Virginia. I could tell you're from the South too because you're smiling. Northerners don't smile.

–45th St & Broadway

Overheard by: unsmiling new yorker

Posted on June 20, 2009
Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Southerners, Tourism, U.S. Geography

Only Wednesday One-Liners Bother to Look Up

British tourist, passing by The Pink Tea Cup Southern restaurant: Oh, look–an urban menu!

–Bleecker & Grove

Young Asian tourist girl: You mean, there's not actually any fields?

–Strawberry Fields

Overheard by: Jason K.

Tourist, in thick Southern accent: I just don't understand how they turn the trains around so fast, and we don't see them do it!

–Grand Central Station, Shuttle Train

Overheard by: Sara

Tourist hick teen to others: Everybody's wearin' shoes!

–33rd St & 6th Ave

Elderly tourist being escorted to her seat: Oh! I hope we get a booth!

–Olive Garden

Overheard by: EthanK

Tourist to friend: No, we cannot go into a store. I cannot leave Broadway. How else would you expect me to get discovered?

–Time Square

Posted on May 27, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Brits, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Food, Foreigners, Friends, Grand Central, Jobs & Careers, Old People, One-liners, Parks, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Shoes, Southerners, Stupidity, Teens, The Village, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Waiter– There's a Wednesday One-Liner in My Food.

Girl on cell: Wait, so you're telling me this guy has a Mohawk and he doesn't drink?

–Lower East Side

Girl to boyfriend, excitedly: I haven't washed my hair in weeks!

–Waverly & Broadway

Overheard by: MC

Girl to finance boyfriend: No, really, it's okay that you like to gel your hair.

–Outside Tavern on the Green

South Carolina girl: In South Carolina we would call your haircut a mullet, but since you have gel in it, it's called "Long Island hair."

–Hell's Kitchen

Hipster girl on cell: You know your hair is too long when it gets caught in your armpits.

–Central Park

Angry man on cell: That mole! With the hair growing out of it!

–62nd b/w Lexington & 3rd

Overheard by: Laïla

Older woman (after cast runs off naked): I was looking, and I was glad to see that all of the women had hair down there.

–Delacorte Theater, Hair Intermission

Overheard by: Musicn3rd

Posted on September 3, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Drinking & Drunk People, Girlfriends, Girls, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Lower East Side, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, Old People, On Cell, Private Parts, Questions, Southerners, The Village, Theater, U.S. Geography, Upper East Side, Women

What Day Do the Wednesday One-Liners Come Out?

Patron: Do these stairs go up?

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: Maura

Drunk White Sox fan to passerby: Hey, what time does Times Square close?

–Outside Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: giovanna

Dude at the next table: Is Long Island really an island?

–Peter Luger’s, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Yes, he really just said that

(girl sees poster for Army Wives and turns to friend)
Girl: I don’t get that show. Are they married to army dudes or something?

–C Train

Southern lady: Empire State ReBuilding? Does that mean they’re moving it?

–33rd & 5th

Overheard by: Katie Mainc

Posted on July 16, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Guys, Idiots, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Southerners, Stupidity, The Met, TV, Williamsburg, Women, Words, Yankee Stadium

Which Is to Say, No One Got Dollywood.

Southern tourist child: Daddy, was Jesus Dolly Parton’s best friend too?
Southern tourist father: No, no one really loved Dolly Parton.

–34th & Lexington

Overheard by: Graham Davis

Posted on June 30, 2008
About Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Default, Friendship, Jesus, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Southerners

We Must Bring This Architectural Concept Home to Tennessee

Southern tourist, looking at opposite platform: Oooh, that’s a pretty wall.
Friend: Yeah.
Southern tourist: [Turns around.] There’s one on this side, too!

–N Train

Overheard by: Raye

Posted on May 23, 2008
Compliments, Default, Friends, Southerners, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Tourism

Wednesday One-Liners Are Already Spending Their Rebate Checks

Father to son: You see, women do the shopping, so you gotta go to a good store to find a good woman.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Trainspotter

Young boy to guy accompanying him: There are things that Americans can do better. We can burp a lot louder than Chileans. And we can spend a lot more money while shopping.

—Tom Crean: Antarctic Explorer performance, Irish Repertory Theatre

Overheard by: Michael Baker

Dude to friend: … So every time he signs for a purchase on a credit card, he signs it ‘Not valid’ and Best Buy was the only store that ever caught it!

–Burns St, Forest Hills

Woman seeing old friend, and pointing to man beside her: Yeah, this is my new husband. He buys me Neiman Marcus. My old husband bought me Stein Mart.

–C train

Overheard by: Sarah F.

Valley girl tourist to street sweeper: Excuse me, where’s the mall?

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Really!

Posted on March 19, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Business and Commerce, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Dads, Default, Etiquette, Farting & Burping, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Idiots, Marriage, Money & Class, On the Subway, Penn Station, Queens, Questions, Shopping, Southerners, Teens, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Women

Southerners