College girl: She’s 60?
College guy #1: Well, look at her! She’s no spring chicken.
College girl: She’s in her early 50’s or 40’s. She just looks older.
College guy #2: Wait, did you just say "spring chicken"?
–Palumbo Cafe, 187th St
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Student #1: Have you seen that movie Clockwork Orange?
Student #2: I’ve never heard of that. What’s it about?
Student #1: It’s about rape. And death. And like everything bad in the world. But like, really cool.
–Uptown A train
Overheard by: Vinny Lopez
Deli girl: So is that your girlfriend?
Guy : No, just a roommate.
Deli girl: What about that other girl you were in here with last week, the other blonde one?
Guy : Nope, just a friend.
Deli girl: And that brunette that came in with you the other day?
Guy : I’m actually gay.
Guy to roommate: Dude, did you see that? That girl is fucking stalking me, she knows every girl I come in here with. I had to tell her I was gay so she would stop with the questions.
Roommate: Why didn’t you just tell her Jess was your girlfriend?
Guy : Cuz the way she was grilling me, I would’ve had to bring Jess in here and make out with her in front of this psycho to make her believe me.
Roommate: Right, so now all you have to is bring a guy in here and make out with him.
Guy: I’m not sure the sandwiches in here are worth that.
–Deli, 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Don’t think I’ll be going back there
Community college student #1: What stop do we get off at?
Community college student #2: Canal Street
Community college student #1: Is that, like, a number?
–Downtown 2 train
Overheard by: not a community college student
College guy: You know, I asked Hannah out sophomore year.
College girl: Really? Did she say yes?
College guy: Nah, she said I was like a brother to her.
College girl: Yeah, you’re like a brother to me, too, but a brother I know would probably rape me if given the right chance.
College guy: Nah.
College girl: What? Are you serious?
College guy: Yeah! Why?
College girl: I don’t know. I figured you’d at least try. You could at least pretend to want to.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Amused high school student
NYU kid: I’m waiting for a roomba that runs on solar.
–Washington Square
NYU hipster: Do you ever find a little self-deprecation to be charming?
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Joey Gillis
NYU chick: I drink Sprite not Pepsi because you know, it’s colorless so there’s no fat or calories so I can stay thin. You drink Pepsi and that’s brown and thick so it’s got carbs.
–NYU dorm
Overheard by: Low Fat Soda
NYU girl: I don’t like that sour is attached to cream; don’t let the fucking cream go sour!
–Williams & Wall
Overheard by: Genevieve
NYU girl: So they call it a keg stand…they hold your legs up and you’re just supposed to drink out of the spout thingy. SOOOOOO weird, but the guy was hot so I did it.
–W 4th St
NYU student: So I said, "I don’t care what time it is, you are supposed to be a lesbian!"
–Union Square Whole Foods
Overheard by: Batman
NYU girl: Yeah, she did kinda look like a lesbian. I mean, she had really bad posture.
–Church & Murray
Overheard by: Jason
Girl #1: I could never be a lesbian. Like, I might be able to kiss a girl, but if I had to go down on someone, UGH!
Girl #2: Yeah, if I had to go down on a girl I think I’d faint.
Girl #1: I wouldn’t faint, but I’d vomit… probably on her cooch.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Gablowo
Hipster girl: So, like, what do you do in your media classes? Like, what do the professors expect?
Hipster dude: Well, they just want you to care.
–Balcony, Hunter College
Overheard by: the person who doesn’t care either
Schoolgirl #1: You know that tall short blond girl?
Schoolgirl #2: You just described about 250 girls in our school.
Schoolgirl #1: Um… the one who isn’t a whore.
Schoolboy: That narrows it down to about five.
–Manhattan bound F train
Overheard by: Fareeda
Coed #1, pointing at huge stain on her shirt: It’s coffee. I used water to rub it off, but the water made it all wet!
Coed #2: You should have used club soda!
–New School, 13th & 5th
