Suit, stopping in front of random thug: Dubai?
Thug: Dubai.
Suit: Dubai?
Thug: Dubai!
Suit: Dubai?!
Thug: Dubai, motherfucker! Dubai!
–31st & 6th
Overheard by: MrMark
Suit, stopping in front of random thug: Dubai?
Thug: Dubai.
Suit: Dubai?
Thug: Dubai!
Suit: Dubai?!
Thug: Dubai, motherfucker! Dubai!
–31st & 6th
Overheard by: MrMark
Man on cell: Yeah man, she is so not anyone that I would be willing to invest years in… I mean I don't want to have to spend my time actually working on it. I figured, hell, I kind of want to wake up next to someone a couple of days a week, so I might as well hang on through the summer. No, she has no idea…
–Columbus & 62nd St
Grad student: They have this symbiotic relationship in which he does all the eating and she does all the drinking.
–Columbia University
Woman to herself: God, I asked you for a good man; not a fucking joke!
–Spring & Hudson
Overheard by: Oscar Gamble
Firefighter to others: It's not that I have anything against commitment; I just like diversity.
–125th St Fairway
Overheard by: Just Shoppint
Man in shorts to another: I wouldn't date a girl with double vision, period.
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Dr No-Eyes
Businesswoman to hobo: If you get back in the dating scene, I'll kill you.
–Houston & Lafayette
Overheard by: Homeless guy must be hung
Suit #1: Sounds like Bugsy Siegel.
Suit #2: Yeah.
Suit #1: You know who Bugsy Siegel is, right?
Suit #2: Sure, yeah.
Suit #1: You know who he is?
Suit #2: Yeah. Look–
Suit #1: You know who he is?
Suit #2: Yeah, yeah–
Suit #1: Who is he, then?
Suit #1: Who gives a shit?
–Broadway & Leonard deli
Overheard by: Mel
Suit #1: Yeah, you know the San Andreas Fault?
Suit #2: What about it?
Suit #1: Well you know, dude, it's like the nation's asscrack.
–40th St & Lexington
Overheard by: Remind me not to live there…
Suit on cell: Nah, don’t even bother callin’ that fuckin’ guy. At 4:59 he pulls the steam whistle and slides down the Brontosaurus tail.
–45th & 7th
Overheard by: Fred F.
Homegirl to another: Yo, you remind me of my nigga, SpongeBob!
–125th & Amsterdam
20-something babe: Optimus Prime is my boyfriend!
–Union Square cinema
Suit: The winter after I graduated college I watched a lot of Cartoon Network.
–8th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: jonesy
Girl: Yeah, you know, it’s just like the time I dyed myself blue, only the guy I was with was colorblind so he couldn’t even tell! Hey, haven’t you ever wanted to know what it feels like to be a Smurf?
–1 train
Fat professor: In order to avoid economic loss you have to look deeper than the average bear.
–Pace University
Overheard by: random student
Male suit: So, you’re a literary agent? That’s so cool. How’s it going?
Lady suit: I just sold my first book! And the movie rights were optioned the same day!
Male suit: Totally exciting. What’s the book about?
Lady suit: Oh, I don’t know. I haven’t actually read it.
Male suit: That’s cool. I didn’t really read much until I started college.
–A train
Overheard by: Max Perkins Is Rolling in His Grave
Train conductor: (mumbling)
British suit: So you understood what he just said?
New Yorker: Of course.
British suit: Well, what did he say?
New Yorker: He said, “Shut the fuck up, you fucking foreigner, you're on a train and you'll be home soon.”
–1 Train
Overheard by: KeivonK
Young man: You're fat because you need to release. Look at me, that's why I'm slim and sexy. I beat off every day.
–Prospect Heights, Brooklyn
Salesgirl to salesgirl friend: I wanna thank you for taking the time to repeatedly hit me in my arm fat and make it jiggle.
–Henri Bendel
Overheard by: Stephan Dion
Professor to class of girls: You guys are all thin (looks around classroom and notices there are some fat girls) …mostly.
–Fashion Institute of Technology
Suit to another: All I'm trying to say is, she's not tall enough for her weight.
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: ednapontellier
Black girl: Fat people can do splits because they have no bones.
–Pizza Place, St. Mark's Place
Five-year-old to very overweight man while waiting for Thanksgiving Day parade: Are you one of the balloons?
–Broadway & 50th St
Overheard by: Peter
A tourist mom with three teens in tow halts in the middle of the block, causing two suits and several other people to crash into them.
Suit #1: For the love of God, move, you idiots! There are people walking behind you!
Tourist mom: You don’t have to be so rude!
Suit #2: He’s rude? You clearly see this is a busy sidewalk, and yet you stop dead in the middle and block all traffic!
Tourist mom: He didn’t have to say it so rude — we are not from around here!
Suit #1: And does that somehow excuse your being idiots and stopping in the middle of a busy street?
Tourist mom: At least we are not so rude in Tennessee!
Suit #2: That explains the idiocy, but it still isn’t an excuse.
Tourist mom: That was unnecessary!
Suit #1: Perhaps, but it’s true.
Suit #2: Here, maybe this is more polite: Welcome to New York. Slow walking idiots prone to stopping for no reason stay to the fucking right of busy sidewalks, and don’t get in the way of the non-mentally impaired locals. Now fuck off.
–50th & 6th
Hot hippie chick: Excuse me, you need a hand?
Old blind man: Nah, I'm just getting to the n train. Thanks so much, though!
Hot hippie chick: Alright, you have a great day!
Blind man: Same to you!
Overlooking suit to friend: Nice New Yorkers…they just blow my mind.
–Union Square Subway Station
