Suit #1: Yeah, you know the San Andreas Fault?
Suit #2: What about it?
Suit #1: Well you know, dude, it's like the nation's asscrack.
–40th St & Lexington
Overheard by: Remind me not to live there…
Suit #1: Yeah, you know the San Andreas Fault?
Suit #2: What about it?
Suit #1: Well you know, dude, it's like the nation's asscrack.
–40th St & Lexington
Overheard by: Remind me not to live there…
Suit on cell: Nah, don’t even bother callin’ that fuckin’ guy. At 4:59 he pulls the steam whistle and slides down the Brontosaurus tail.
–45th & 7th
Overheard by: Fred F.
Homegirl to another: Yo, you remind me of my nigga, SpongeBob!
–125th & Amsterdam
20-something babe: Optimus Prime is my boyfriend!
–Union Square cinema
Suit: The winter after I graduated college I watched a lot of Cartoon Network.
–8th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: jonesy
Girl: Yeah, you know, it’s just like the time I dyed myself blue, only the guy I was with was colorblind so he couldn’t even tell! Hey, haven’t you ever wanted to know what it feels like to be a Smurf?
–1 train
Fat professor: In order to avoid economic loss you have to look deeper than the average bear.
–Pace University
Overheard by: random student
Male suit: So, you’re a literary agent? That’s so cool. How’s it going?
Lady suit: I just sold my first book! And the movie rights were optioned the same day!
Male suit: Totally exciting. What’s the book about?
Lady suit: Oh, I don’t know. I haven’t actually read it.
Male suit: That’s cool. I didn’t really read much until I started college.
–A train
Overheard by: Max Perkins Is Rolling in His Grave
Train conductor: (mumbling)
British suit: So you understood what he just said?
New Yorker: Of course.
British suit: Well, what did he say?
New Yorker: He said, “Shut the fuck up, you fucking foreigner, you're on a train and you'll be home soon.”
–1 Train
Overheard by: KeivonK
Young man: You're fat because you need to release. Look at me, that's why I'm slim and sexy. I beat off every day.
–Prospect Heights, Brooklyn
Salesgirl to salesgirl friend: I wanna thank you for taking the time to repeatedly hit me in my arm fat and make it jiggle.
–Henri Bendel
Overheard by: Stephan Dion
Professor to class of girls: You guys are all thin (looks around classroom and notices there are some fat girls) …mostly.
–Fashion Institute of Technology
Suit to another: All I'm trying to say is, she's not tall enough for her weight.
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: ednapontellier
Black girl: Fat people can do splits because they have no bones.
–Pizza Place, St. Mark's Place
Five-year-old to very overweight man while waiting for Thanksgiving Day parade: Are you one of the balloons?
–Broadway & 50th St
Overheard by: Peter
A tourist mom with three teens in tow halts in the middle of the block, causing two suits and several other people to crash into them.
Suit #1: For the love of God, move, you idiots! There are people walking behind you!
Tourist mom: You don’t have to be so rude!
Suit #2: He’s rude? You clearly see this is a busy sidewalk, and yet you stop dead in the middle and block all traffic!
Tourist mom: He didn’t have to say it so rude — we are not from around here!
Suit #1: And does that somehow excuse your being idiots and stopping in the middle of a busy street?
Tourist mom: At least we are not so rude in Tennessee!
Suit #2: That explains the idiocy, but it still isn’t an excuse.
Tourist mom: That was unnecessary!
Suit #1: Perhaps, but it’s true.
Suit #2: Here, maybe this is more polite: Welcome to New York. Slow walking idiots prone to stopping for no reason stay to the fucking right of busy sidewalks, and don’t get in the way of the non-mentally impaired locals. Now fuck off.
–50th & 6th
Hot hippie chick: Excuse me, you need a hand?
Old blind man: Nah, I'm just getting to the n train. Thanks so much, though!
Hot hippie chick: Alright, you have a great day!
Blind man: Same to you!
Overlooking suit to friend: Nice New Yorkers…they just blow my mind.
–Union Square Subway Station
Middle-aged woman, angrily on cell: You tell him to go outside right now, and take his clothes off!
–32nd St & Park Ave
Overheard by: djlori
Girl to friend: All of a sudden there's a naked man! Like, this doesn't translate well visually.
–Uptown 1 Train
Suit on cell: How about I send you two naked kids to have a good time? Fair enough?
–60th St & Columbus Ave
Overheard by: Stacey V
Girl on phone: Topless anarchy is still anarchy, man.
–5 Train
Short dude to friend: I woke up naked and wrapped in cellophane–again!
–Columbia University
Annoying Jersey girl on cell: I'm not frugal. I'm, like, not frugal with a vengeance. I, like, refuse to consider money.
–19th & 8th
Overheard by: Hobo
Columbia University administrator: It gets difficult to manage finances as your endowment reaches the size of the GDP of a small country.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Senatore
Bike messenger (yelling): Could anybody spare $50,000?
–6th Ave & 20th St
Overheard by: thiess
Man: I mean, what does does she *really* get out of riding a five thousand dollar scooter?
–Outside Think Coffee
Overheard by: nemily
Suit on cell: You see, the thing with money counters is they jam…and when you are in a roomful of illiterate afghans, there's 8 million on the table and they mistrust you.
–Mercer & Grand
Professor: I bet none of you wrote that in your admissions essay. "I want money." Actually, that might be successful. They might think, "hey, that's pretty cool, they're telling the truth."
–NYU Law
Suit #1: I want to make Hasidics eat bacon cheeseburgers with a glass of milk.
Suit #2: Kill yourself.
–38th & 5th
Overheard by: Andrew Z
