13-year-old boy #1: Dude, you know what I did? I totally called Donna and told her you made a date with a fat chick.
13-year-old boy #2: You did not.
13-year-old boy #1: I totally did. She thought it was really funny. Sorry.
13-year-old boy #3: You guys are wasting my time and my life. [gets up and leaves]
–Cosi, 13th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: thank god i’m not 13 anymore
Guy to self: Doctor Jean Grey has the most powerful orgasm of all the X-Men.
–Union Square Park
Overheard by: Stan
Engineering school chick, screaming: And I was like, ‘Oh my god, this is the worst protractor ever!’
–Columbia University
Skanky hipster chick to another: I would totally do him… But only if I had the ninja outfit on.
–Ludlow St.
[Four NYPD cops are checking people’s bags at rush hour. A man in a suit appears to be their superior.]Man in suit: But then he realizes that Jedis don’t seek revenge. [The four cops all nod gravely.]
–W 4th St Subway Station
Overheard by: KL
Fiftyish suit: Chewbacca, the original wingman…
–86th & Lexington
Overheard by: Ike
Woman on cell: I’m busy. I’ve got things to do. And right now what I’m doing is looking at comic books.
–Forbidden Planet
Overheard by: Josh
Chick: We were always competing to be chief geek… But he had asperger’s, so he won.
–Central Park
[Heading towards the restaurant “Good”.]Gay guy #1: Where are we going again?
Gay guy #2: It’s “Good”.
Gay guy #1: What’s good?
Gay guy #2: The name of the restaurant we’re going to.
Gay guy #1: I asked you what it was.
Gay guy #3: Oh, we are so not doing this…
–The Village
Six-year-old hippie girl to babysitter: If it’s okay with you, can you take Tommy and I to Grey Dog, please?
Six-year-old preppy boy: What’s “Grey Dog”?
Six-year-old hippie girl: My favorite coffee shop.
–Bleecker & 6th Ave
Headline by: chubba
Runners-Up:
· “By the Time She Was 13 She Had a Favorite Abortion Clinic.” – DR G LUV
· “I Just Get The Cafe Au Breast Milk.” – cbeck
· “If It Was 1908, She’d Be Working in a Textile Factory” – Nate
· “The Lattes Come with Biodegradable Crazy Straws” – Kristen
· “Their Mom Had Caffinated Breast Milk” – Josh
Young lawyer: My little boy finally made the transition from diapers to "big boy" underwear. On his first day back to pre-school he dropped his trousers and showed the whole class his lightning McQueens.
Young lawyer: … And it created a domino effect of three-year-olds showing their undies.
–6 Train
Overheard by: POLA
Chick on cell: Better underwear than meth!
–Harlem
Overheard by: McFreaky
Boyfriend to girlfriend looking at lingerie in window: It’s kind of cold for that.
–University & 9th
Overheard by: Mary Crippen
Skank: So I’m thinking "Now I’ve got to get rid of those panties!"
–54th & 9th
Overheard by: thats gross
Earnest teen chick, calling to retreating waitress: Do you sell thongs? I’m serious, I really need them!
–Hard Rock Cafe, Times Square
Overheard by: Amanda
Man getting into elevator: … And she was all like "Hi, whatchu doin’?" And I was like "Whaaaat?" I didn’t know what to say, she was all over me, I could see her panties. [Everyone in elevator looks at him and laughs a little.] I mean, come on, we’re all adults in here. What was I supposed to do? Smile? Say "Hi" back?
–Elevator, Empire State Building
Man coming out of ATM: They’re all out of service.
Girl #1: All of them?
Man: Yup!
Girl #1: Well now what?
Girl #2: People in New York are so fricking cheerful, it makes me nauseous.
–9th & University
Rich lady #1: Hi! How was the funeral?
Rich ladies #2 and #3, carrying shopping bags: Oh… We didn’t make it to the funeral. We got caught up shopping instead.
–Tea & Sympathy
Huge black guy on cell: Yo man, I got nostalgic on that ass!
–Center & Lafayette
Overheard by: jonnytimmy
[Man with big dog is standing on the sidewalk. Man with small dog walks by. Small dog starts jumping at and around big dog.]Man with big dog: Is it a boy?
Man with small dog: Yeah.
Man with big dog: Oh, he better watch out! [Gestures to his dog.] She’s a slut!
–Washington Place, Outside Pless Hall
Overheard by: Caliban
Girl: So do you have any kids?
Guy: No, but if I had a daughter I’d name her Kayla.
Girl: I know a Kayla. She’s a fucking crazy bitch.
–West 4th & 6th Ave
